


This sudden burst of sunlight, and me with my umbrella

by Criticalpancake



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But its plants because I don't know anything about physics, Caleb's past trauma and abuse, Classic Essek betrayed the M9 before he met them, Demi/Gray Ace Essek, Essek POV and Caleb POV, Fantasy races in modern setting, M/M, Modern AU, Science Nerds, Slow Burn, The Mighty Nein: criminals but for a good cause, The high stakes high drama world of orchid research, no magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 59,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criticalpancake/pseuds/Criticalpancake
Summary: “So, how was it?” Jester asked eagerly.“Was he an asshole?” Beau leaned against the wall.“Should we kill him?” Veth asked, half serious, half not.“He is,” Caleb paused, trying to collect his thoughts while he chewed a piece of bread. “Well, he is brilliant.” That much was evident right away. It was just as clear that Eseek was downright attractive, in a way that had simultaneously made it hard to look at him and to look away. Caleb swallowed and decided that wasn’t worth mentioning.ORThe Mighty Nein's orchid smuggling work isn't exactly legal, but it's doing good. They're helping out the small network of researchers they call friends. But when Yeza is arrested for owning illegal plants, the Mighty Nein find themselves entangled with prominent orchid researcher Essek Thelyss and his less than savory colleagues.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & The Cerberus Assembly, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre & Essek Thelyss, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss, minor Veth/Yeza
Comments: 145
Kudos: 229





	1. Paphiopedilum sanderianum

**Author's Note:**

> Mkay well I read one book about orchids (that's probably out of date since it was published 20 years ago) and was like: this is wacky! There's so much drama and politics around orchid conservation! And then a few months later: Wouldn't that be a fun AU!
> 
> The title comes from the song Stray Italian Greyhound which is an excellent Shadowgast song by the way.

The dense jungle air clung to Caleb’s skin, clothes, and hair as he pushed his way through the foliage. He was dripping and sticky. They were all dripping and sticky. The Mighty Nein were several days into their trek and hadn’t had respite from the humidity since. They might have been bothered by how they smelled, but the stench had long since faded into normalcy.

Jester swatted away bugs with her tail, small bells ringing with every movement. Caleb had found the sound annoying when they first met, but it was a comfort now. A reminder he wasn’t alone.

Yasha and Caduceus led the group. She hacked away at the rainforest, clearing the path as best as she could. He kept an eye out for anything dangerous the jungle might throw at them. Caleb and Beau held an altimeter and a psychrometer, respectively.

“We’ll have to get higher!” Caleb called to the group.

“The humidity is almost right,” Beau grumbled.

“It’s about to get real steep, everyone. But the good news is, it’s limestone.” Caduceus looked back to the rest of them with a casual wink like they weren’t soaked in sweat, exhausted, and feeling more than a little pessimistic.

The foliage in front of them sloped upward steeply. They were at the base of the mountain and it was all up from here. The Mighty Nein scrambled uphill as best as they could, grabbing onto ropes and outcrops of limestone to haul themselves up. Fjord slipped and cut his palm open on the sharp rock.

“Shit!” He hissed.

“Fjord! Are you okay? Can you wait until we reach that ledge?” Jester called to him.

“Yeah,” Fjord grunted. “I’ll be fine.”

After an hour of rigorous climbing, they reached a fairly level area. Jester cleaned Fjord’s wound and wrapped it up.

“Caleb?” Caduceus said.

“Ja, we’re high enough. Let’s go.” Together, they creeped along the edge of the cliff, eyes squinting into the vegetation above them.

“The light, the air…” Beau mumbled. “It’s just right. We should see them here, if they’re anywhere.”

Caduceus stopped. He smiled and silently pointed upwards and ahead.

Thousands of long, delicate petals twirled in the gentle mountain breeze.

***

The air was thick with the scent of flowering orchids. Essek carefully held onto the wooden ladder as he reached out to softly mist the plants’ leaves. He was halfway up a living wall of flowers, with pops of soft pinks, deep purples, and simple whites standing out among the bright green. Around the rest of the office, full bookshelves and large windows dominated the other walls.

It was moments like this that Essek really wished he could just _float_ up here, rather than awkwardly and dangerously maneuvering around the ladders on either side of his vertical garden. But alas, he had to live within the confines of physics and gravity.

While Essek certainly had easier methods of watering his orchids and keeping the humidity just right for their optimal growth, he liked to occasionally put in the personal touch. It reminded him of their beauty and importance. It reminded him of why he devoted nearly every hour of his day to researching their mysteries and ways to aid in their conservation.

Essek dismounted the ladder and leaned in to observe one of the plants. He gently held one of its petals between his fingers; it was softer than anything he’d ever touched. In fact, the orchids were perhaps the only living things he’d touched in, well, he couldn't remember how long.

Gingerly, he moved on to inspect the flower and leaves for any imperfections. The center of the bloom was dark purple, but it faded to a crisp white at the edges. The showy petals sprouted out around two spots of yellow, enticing visitors to come closer. Essek stared at the flower. It was trying to use its charms on him, much like it would on an insect. A soft smile spread across his face.

“Hah, you can try, _Cymbidium aloifolium_ , but you have not seduced me today.”

Essek set the mister down and sat behind his desk. Already open on his laptop was the unedited manuscript for his latest book on orchids, this time an overview of the _Paphiopedilum_ genus. The illustrator was behind schedule and needed contacting.

But between the mundane and the irritating emails of the day, one struck out to him:

> _Subject: Your expertise is needed in Felderwin_  
>  _Ludinus Da’leth_ _< ludinusdaleth@thecerberusassembly.org>_

“Ah, I suppose I’d better pack,” he said to the empty room.

***

Essek strode into the greenhouse, head held high. He quickly surveyed the situation. Armed police officers awkwardly stood around, as if they weren’t sure why they were there. A couple of them led dogs through the rows of tables. Essek’s attention focused in on the countless orchids that filled the greenhouse with their curiously shaped blooms.

He began inspecting each plant. Someone tailed him, notebook and pen in hand.

“This one is illegal. This one as well. Illegal, illegal, illegal,” he pointed to each orchid.

“Excuse me, Dr. Thelyss, but what is going on?” a high-pitched, nervous voice broke his concentration. _Ah_ , here he is. Essek looked down to see a halfling man with wild, curly hair and thick glasses.

“Mr. Brenatto, it would seem you are in ownership of quite a few illegal orchids,” Essek said, coolly.

“I.. I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Brenatto anxiously rubbed his neck. He was starting to sweat, but of course it wasn’t just from the greenhouse’s humidity.

“Then perhaps you don’t have as astute an eye as I thought you did.” Essek’s eyes narrowed. Brenatto knew exactly what was in the room, he was sure of it.

“I’ll need to call a lawyer. I won’t say anything else until I have a lawyer.” Brenatto’s eyes were darting around the room.

“Don’t tell me, tell them.” Essek pointed to the police officers. He resumed inspecting the plants. “Illegal, illegal, yes this one too.”

It’s not that Essek took pleasure in seeing Brenatto sweat at the crumbling of his orchid business. No, Essek didn’t take pleasure in seeing other people’s pain. He just used those moments to his own gain. It was Brenatto’s own missteps that got him into this mess, after all. If coming on orchid raids got him into better standing with the Assembly, and maybe left room for his own actions to be overlooked, then the discomfort of the criminals’ was not enough to warrant staying home. Besides, if it wasn’t Essek here identifying the offending plants, it would be someone else.

***

The Mighty Nein walked through airport security, tamping down their nervousness as best as they could. Caleb could feel the bags of plants shift uncomfortably under his shirt. The plastic stuck to his skin. He tried to think of anything else to keep the nerves from showing. Yasha and Veth weren’t hiding it as well.

“I really hate flying,” Veth said, half convincingly, while the customs officers asked them questions. _What were you doing in the Quoraska Jungle? How long did you stay there? Do you have any fruit, nuts, or plant life to declare? What is the purpose for your trip to Zadash?_ They dutifully answered the questions with as few lies as possible.

“It’s been a long, tiring trip. We haven’t gotten much sleep recently.” Fjord attempted to smooth it over.

“Yes, you all look like you could use a rest.” The customs officer waved them all through.

Caleb let out the tiniest sigh of relief once they were through. He’d done this many times now, but the anxiety never went away.

“Well, we’ve been gone for three weeks. Let’s see what’s happening,” Beau said, already moving to a nearby newsstand. She grabbed a newspaper and started rifling through it as they walked. Caleb almost walked into her when she stopped suddenly.

“Beau—”

“Veth. Look at this.” Beau shoved the newspaper into the halfling’s hands. The headline read, “5,000 illegal orchids confiscated from Felderwin researcher’s greenhouse.” Under it was a picture of none other than kind, curly-haired Yeza Brenatto. It was an older photo of him in his lab.

“Yeza! I have to call him!” Veth pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed.

“When did they arrest him? He might not be able to answer.” Caleb asked, looking over the article. His skin prickled and his breathing sped up just barely. “Yesterday.” If Yeza was arrested, did that mean the Mighty Nein weren’t far behind?

“No answer,” Veth spit out. Jester grabbed her hand.

“Alright, let’s think. What is the first thing we should do,” Fjord asked the group.

“Find the people who arrested him and kill them,” Yasha said.

“Good idea,” Fjord said dubiously. “But I was thinking more like, call the Felderwin police to find out where he’s being held.”

“I think it’d be unwise to go to a police station right now.” Caduceus tapped his chest.

“Right,” Fjord said. In a hushed voice, he said, “First we need to unload these samples.”

“I’ll just give you mine right now. I have to get to Felderwin,” Veth said. She started off toward the bathroom.

“Veth, wait.” Caleb caught her arm. He whispered, “I know you’re concerned about Yeza, but we should stick together. We can’t afford to make any mistakes.”

She was practically vibrating with energy under his touch. Her eyes darted around the busy airport. Caleb understood her impulse to go _now_ , but they really needed to be level headed about this. After all, they were just as guilty as Yeza, if not more so.

“I’m sure he’s okay, Veth. We’ll figure this out,” Jester offered. Veth looked up to both of them, tears in her eyes, and dragged them into a fierce hug.

“Okay, I trust you,” she mumbled against Caleb’s chest. Caleb squeezed harder. He would do anything within his power to get Yeza’s charges dropped.

***

“Essek Thelyss,” Beau said.

“Who’s that?” Jester asked. She, Beau, and Caleb were holed up in a hotel room. The rest of the Mighty Nein had gone to the police station.

“Dunno. But he was there. He was the orchid expert they called in to identify Yeza’s plants.”

“All the way in from Rosohna?” Caleb asked. He had immediately searched the name on his laptop and was pulling up Dr. Thelyss’s profile from the Royal Botanical Gardens, Key. A handsome drow in a dark purple button-down smirked back at him, a wall of perfect flowers behind him. Beau leaned over his shoulder to see the screen.

Essek Thelyss was the curator of Key Gardens’ orchid herbarium. He was the author of three books on orchids, had penned dozens of research papers, and had named seven different species. He was young, too (for a drow, anyway).

“Hmm. Seems he is quite the expert,” Caleb said.

“Still, that’s an awfully long way. Don’t they have orchid experts in Zadash, or Rexxentrum?” Beau said. She paced around the room as Caleb read more about Thelyss.

“Certainly,” Caleb said. One of them had been his thesis advisor. Beau knew this, of course.

“So why didn’t they call in Ikithon?” Beau narrowed her eyes and stared out the window. She was trying to put the puzzle pieces together.

Caleb snapped the laptop closed. “Because Ikithon is the one who does the calling. He almost certainly asked this Dr. Thelyss to do it, perhaps because he didn’t want to waste his time pointing at plants in a greenhouse.” Although Ikithon would have loved to see the fear on Yeza’s face, Caleb was sure. He kept that thought to himself.

“We have to talk to him,” Beau said with absolute conviction. Caleb paled. He opened his mouth to say, no— he didn’t want to talk to Ikithon. _But if that somehow gets Yeza out of this…_

“Not Ikithon. Thelyss.” She studied his face.

Jester had been munching on a donut and watching them, but she piped up now. “Why would we talk to him? What’s he going to do?”

Caleb tapped his fingers against his thigh as he thought.

“I don’t know, but it’s his testimony against Yeza, right?” Beau said, waving her notebook around. “He’s the one who said Yeza had,” she checked her notebook, “five _thousand_ illegal plants. And if no other orchid expert was there, it’s his word against, well I don’t know, Yeza, I guess? I mean, unless they actually shipped all the plants to the Assembly, then Ikithon would know, but do you really think whatever law enforcement was there took care of them well enough for the orchids to survive that trip?”

“No, probably not,” Caleb said. He was beginning to see her point. It was ludicrous, really, how the officials would come in and seize supposedly precious, endangered orchids and then let them rot in poor conditions. What a waste.

“Maybe we could go ask this Essek to say he misidentified the orchids, y’know? Say he got it wrong?” Jester pulled apart her donut as she talked.

“I don’t think someone like him will want to admit to being wrong. Especially if he wasn’t _actually_ wrong,” Caleb sighed.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Beau countered. “We’ve got our charms. And, more importantly, we have things to offer him. He’s sitting there in stuffy Key Gardens with his generic, dime a dozen orchids. Don’t you think he’d want to study what we have?” She gestured to the now-carefully packaged plant samples in their room. “Maybe he wants something we can get him.”

“That’s a really good idea, Beau!” Jester said. “Does it have his email address on there, Caleb? I could send him a message.”

“Perhaps we should consult the others first, before we start offering our services to unknown variables, ja?”

Jester groaned. “I’ll look it up myself!” She took out her phone and started tapping.  
Caleb looked to Beau. Her mouth twisted in thought.

“Wait, hold on, Jester. Caleb’s right, we should suss him out first, before we proposition him,” Beau said.

Jester fiddled with the charms on her phone. “Caleb, you should reach out to him. You could invite him to have coffee because you want to talk about his research, since you’re so _interested_ in what he has to say, you know?” She waggled her eyebrows.

“Yeah, cozy up to him and figure out if he’d be interested in hiring us, before we tell him exactly all the illegal shit we do,” Beau said.

Caleb sighed. It was a good plan, he had to admit. But the thought of _cozying up_ to someone involved with the Assembly set him on edge. “Alright, give me a few hours to read through Dr. Thelyss’s papers and I’ll draft an email to him.”

He rubbed his arms and felt the beginnings of panic as he saw the name “Trent Ikithon” in the author list of a couple of the papers. _Veth and Yeza_ , he reminded himself. His eyes moved past the authors and to the elegantly written abstract.

***

> _Subject: Your recent research paper intrigued me_   
>  _Caleb Widogast <cwidogast@message.com>_
> 
> _Dear Dr. Thelyss,_
> 
> _You do not know me, but I am an avid fan of your research. Your newest paper truly took me by surprise and I’m curious to hear more of the reasoning behind your methods. I happen to be in Rosohna this week for personal reasons, but I was wondering if you might want to have coffee with me and discuss orchids?_
> 
> _Best,_   
>  _Caleb Widogast_

***

Essek was strategically sitting in the chair facing the sidewalk and bustling Rosohna park. He sipped his earl grey and, from behind pitch dark sunglasses, quickly studied every face that came near the cafe. He didn’t know who he was looking for, as this Caleb Widogast had only the barest of online presences. There had been a handful of pictures from several years ago at the Soltryce Academy and that was it.

Briefly, he’d wondered if the Assembly had sent Widogast to spy on him. But, no, _that’s ridiculous_. He was a scientist, not a secret agent. Their business was orchids, not espionage. He did his research and the few tasks they asked of him and that was that.

Still, he would be on guard for this meeting. He couldn’t rule it out entirely.

A ginger man in a brown coat approached his table. His hands nervously clutched at the messenger bag at his side.

“Dr. Thelyss?” he asked in a soft Zemnian accent.

Essek nodded and gestured to the empty chair across from him. “Caleb Widogast, I presume?”

“Yes, thank you for meeting me,” he said, sitting.

“I’m always happy to talk about my research,” Essek smiled and eyed the man carefully.

“It’s truly fascinating, your work on the interactions between orchids and mycorrhizal fungi throughout every growth stage.” Caleb Widogast was immediately enthusiastic. Essek hadn’t seen that level of enthusiasm for orchid research in quite a while, despite having correspondence with several of the field’s top researchers.

“Yes, Orchidaceae are quite dependent on fungi. To think we once thought they depended only upon their pollinators. It’s quite inconvenient, conservation wise,” Essek mused and took a sip. He watched Widogast over his mug. “Ah, you must be thirsty.” He waved down the waiter.

“A black coffee, please,” Caleb smiled at the waiter, then turned back to lock eyes with Essek. “You are very conservation oriented, ja?”

“Naturally. It is hard to ignore when in the orchid field. More than 1,500 species are threatened.”

“I am aware.”

“What did you say your background was?”

“Ah, I was pursuing a doctorate some time ago, dealing with orchid genetics. But, things took an unexpected turn and I was unable to finish. Now it is just a hobby,” Caleb said with a sigh.

“Have you ever thought about going back to finish?” _What could possibly make someone abandon progress on their doctorate halfway through_ , Essek wondered to himself. It would be such a waste of the years put into it.

“No, no. I think it is too late for me, now.”

“Hmm. Then tell me, what other questions do you have?”

As the pair of them animatedly discussed orchid research, the cafe moved around them, unnoticed. People came and went. The park filled and emptied. The sun shifted in the sky and Essek forgot to apply his extremely high SPF sunscreen. Caleb went through three cups of coffee, while Essek caved and got a full pot of tea.

Caleb was so eager to hear more from Essek, about his theories that weren’t fleshed out enough yet for publication. Essek found himself saying just a bit more than he normally would in public conversation. He usually wanted to keep his ideas to himself, and mostly succeeded, but he hadn’t had anyone so interested in his work in such a long time. There were few orchid researchers in Rosohna and while the Assembly may fund him, they didn’t spare much time to listen to his postulating.

Two or three hours later, Essek realized he was starving.

Caleb finished his thought, looked down at the empty mugs, and seemed to have the same realization, as he said, “I’ve taken up enough of your time. I should excuse myself so we can both get some dinner.”

Essek was about to argue, as he wasn’t sure he wanted to go to dinner with this man. Their conversation had been wonderful, but three hours of socializing was more than he was used to. But, it seemed Essek had misunderstood. Caleb was getting up to leave without him.

Essek cleared his throat. “Yes, this was quite a pleasure. Thank you for showing such an interest in my own musings,” he grinned, just a little.

“We should do this again sometime, Essek,” Caleb smiled back.

Essek blinked, flabbergasted for half a moment. _He wanted this to be a recurring thing?_ _Maybe he was an Assembly spy._ “Certainly. Feel free to reach out the next time you’re in Rosohna,” Essek said with the best mild tone he could conjure.

“Maybe next time I will tell you more about my work.”

 _What did_ that _mean?_ Essek kept his face ever pleasantly neutral as his brain scrambled to understand what was going on with this Caleb Widogast. “I’d be happy to hear about it.”

“Till next time,” Caleb said. He gathered his dishes and left Essek alone once more. Essek slipped into the cafe’s bathroom to reapply his sunscreen and pondered the strangeness of Caleb showing an interest in him beyond one intellectual conversation. He was certain the man wanted something more of him, but what exactly that was, he couldn’t put his finger on just yet.

***

Caleb dropped his bag next to the hotel room’s door. He grabbed some bread and cheese and slumped into the room’s only armchair. Caduceus was making hotel room tea, while Fjord finished up in the shower. Yasha was plucking her harp on one of the beds.

“Hey, Caleb,” Caduceus smiled in his direction.

Veth, Beau, and Jester all poked their heads in from the door conjoining two of their rooms.

“So, how was it?” Jester asked eagerly.

“Was he an asshole?” Beau leaned against the wall.

“Should we kill him?” Veth asked, half serious, half not.

“He is,” Caleb paused, trying to collect his thoughts while he chewed a piece of bread. “Well, he is brilliant.” That much was evident right away. It was just as clear that Eseek was downright _attractive_ , in a way that had simultaneously made it hard to look at him and to look away. Caleb swallowed and decided that wasn’t worth mentioning.

“You were gone an awfully long time, Caleb, we were starting to get worried,” Jester said.

“You told me to cozy up to him,” Caleb shot back.

“So, did you cozy?” Beau asked.

“Ja, I think I started to build a solid rapport.”

“You didn’t like him, though, did you?” Veth asked warily.

“Well, he is not unlikeable.” Caleb didn’t want to outright lie, but he found it hard to admit how much he actually liked Essek. They had… clicked. He’d sensed a kinship almost immediately, which only served to complicate things. The Mighty Nein were not interested in scientific research the way Caleb was. They were in the orchid game for the thrill of it, for the paycheck, to do a little good, and to help out their less adventurous friends. But Caleb’s brain still burned with a million questions every time he looked at an orchid’s delicate petals. Essek’s did, too, he was sure of it.

Beau, Jester, and Veth were all staring at Caleb as the moment of silence stretched on a moment too long. Fjord came out of the bathroom, toweling his hair.

“What’s your read on him?” Fjord asked. “Would he take us up on our offer?”

“I’m not sure yet. He is very proud of his work, that is for certain,” Caleb sighed. He rubbed his face. “I’m not sure how to tell if he will be amenable to our plan or if he’ll just immediately fuck us over the moment we mention our illegal exploits.”

The others consider this.

“We could find something to blackmail him with?” Veth suggested.

“I’ll punch him in the face the second he looks at us funny,” Beau said.

“Or, maybe we could just befriend him and then it’ll be impossible for him to say no to us,” Jester offered.

Caleb wasn’t so sure Essek would get along with all of them. Then again, he would have said the same thing about himself and look at him now.

“Those are all… good… ideas,” Fjord said, looking dubiously at Veth and Beau. “But maybe we should avoid blackmailing and punching people?”

“I don’t know, I kind of like the blackmail idea,” Beau said. “Of course, then we’d have to find something to actually use as blackmail.” She tapped her fingers on her bicep. “Well, we could do Jessie’s idea _and_ look for dirt on the guy. Caleb, you could see him again, get closer—”

“You’ll have to really turn on the charm, Caleb. Do you know how to do that? I think I could teach you some things I’ve seen Mama do,” Jester said. She’d excitedly bounced over to Caleb and was leaning on his arm.

“Jester, I’m not going to seduce him,” Caleb said. He blushed a little at the thought. It’s not that he was entirely against the idea, but there were lines he didn’t want to cross and having sex for favors was certainly one of them.

“No, no, Caleb. I just mean, y’know, be a little suggestive,” Jester shrugged.

Caleb looked to Veth, whose face was conflicted. “Ja, I can do that.”

“If we just ask him nicely, he might be willing to help Yeza without being blackmailed,” Caduceus said.

“Sure, maybe, once he’s properly buttered up,” Beau said, gesturing to Caleb. “Caleb, you keep working on him, and the rest of us can look for any other leverage we can use.”

“Maybe he’s fudged his data,” Veth said, narrowing her eyes. “If he’s working with the Assembly, he’s the type. And someone he’s worked with in the past may know something about that.”

“I don’t think—” Caleb started quickly, then forced himself to slow his words. “I don’t think he’s the type to do so, but I could be wrong.” He went for nonchalance, wondering why he wanted to defend this stranger, who, as Veth said, had worked with the Assembly. But Caleb, too, had worked with the Assembly once. And Essek was wholly unlike Trent Ikithon.

“And if he doesn’t rescind his testimony, I can kill him before he’s ever called to give it,” Yasha said matter of factly. She went back to plucking her harp. Caleb hoped it didn’t come to that, for Essek’s sake and theirs.


	2. Vanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caleb tries to not get distracted and takes a risk, while Essek weighs the threat of the Assembly against his own ambition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the sweet comments! It's probably better if you don't know much about orchids in case I get something wrong lol
> 
> Consider "Oh No!" by Marina and the Diamonds for some Essek listening. Or "Treacherous" by Taylor Swift for some fun Shadowgast vibes.

About a month had gone by since The Mighty Nein were last in Rosohna. The seven of them, with the aid of a few friends, had cobbled together enough money to get Yeza out on bail. He now had to wait in Felderwin for his court date. It was going to take awhile. 

Jester tried to shield Yeza’s eyes from the massacre that was his greenhouse, but he just stared at the destruction numbly. The long tables were very nearly empty, with a few stray pots and clusters of orchids. A couple plants lay on their sides, uprooted. There was dirt all over the floor.

The Mighty Nein quickly sold all their plant specimens to Yussa to get them as far away from Yeza as they could.

In the meantime, Caleb read more research papers to reacquaint himself with the more theoretical and detailed aspects of the field. Reluctantly, he skimmed over papers with Ikithon, Astrid, and Eodwulf’s names on them. He read up on Ludinus Da’leth, who was more bureaucrat than scientist, and became fascinated with Vess DeRogna’s fieldwork in Eiselcross. Caleb frequently wondered how Essek had gotten involved with them, though he supposed it was natural for the top researchers in the field to collaborate. And, after a little digging, he found very few orchid researchers lived or worked in Rosohna. The question of how much Essek really knew of the Assembly members never strayed from the back of his mind.

Beau sat by him for much of the time, researching all the people involved, as opposed to reading their scientific papers. She determined most of them were sketchy and hiding something. She did a deep dive into the history of orchid regulations and mapped out when different species became illegal to trade. Both of them already had a pretty good passing knowledge of these things, but it couldn’t hurt to be thorough.

Beau excused herself one weekend to go judge an orchid symposium. She came back groaning about how awkward it was showing a slideshow of orchid pictures to a dark room full of people.

“They were all breathing heavy, about ready to get off right then and there.” She rolled her eyes.

Jester busied herself with perfecting her _Paphiopedilum sanderianum_ illustrations, while Caduceus tended his family’s commercial greenhouse. Yasha and Fjord plotted out their next expedition.

Essek and Caleb exchanged a few emails back and forth, discussing recent publications in the orchid field. Caleb laughed softly at Essek’s scathing remarks about what “managed to make it through peer-review.” Once a few weeks had gone by, the Mighty Nein decided Caleb should ask to meet him again. Essek offered to give Caleb a tour of Key Gardens.

Veth was hesitant to leave her family, but just as hesitant to let Caleb go to Rosohna without her. So, promising they would be back soon, the Mighty Nein booked a house rental and hopped on a plane to Xhorhas. Caleb met up with Essek the next morning.

***

The pair of them approached the large glass building, bundled in jackets to keep warm in the crisp air. Caleb snuck sidelong glances at the elf next to him, simultaneously getting a read on him and checking him out (he was here to play up his own interest after all). Essek wore a fashionable black peacoat. He had a pair of expensive black sunglasses perched on his nose and silver jewelry adorning his long, pointy ears. His cheeks were tinged purple with the cold. 

Essek politely held the conservatory’s door open for Caleb.

“We can put our coats over here,” Essek said, his soft accent making even the most innocuous of statements music to Caleb’s ears. Caleb removed his thick coat and watched as Essek did the same.

The drow was wearing a lovely purple button down. Caleb couldn’t help but watch as he carefully rolled the sleeves up his arms, exposing his smooth gray skin. Essek was saying something about the gardens’ history, but Caleb was too distracted to fully pay attention.

“Most of our orchids are in here,” Essek said as he opened the inner door to the conservatory. The warm, humid air enveloped them as they stepped through to the carefully curated lush environment full of tropical plants.

Caleb had been to many actual jungles and several managed gardens, and yet he couldn’t help but admire the attention to detail and sheer artistry that was Key Gardens. The stone path wandered through a fantastic collection of beautiful, exotic, and rare plants.

Essek pointed to a delicate little orchid that was wound around a tree trunk near them. Its roots cascaded down into the air below as its leaves fanned out toward the ceiling. The clusters of bright violet flowers very nearly matched the color fading from Essek’s cheeks.

“The _Vanda_ is in bloom right now,” Essek said.

“It’s beautiful,” Caleb said. The two of them stared at the plant for a long moment.

“Come, let me show you the others,” Essek said and turned down the stone path. Caleb followed at his heels, ignoring the part of his mind that thought this felt very much like a date. He reminded himself that Essek was working with the Assembly and was not to be trusted. Caleb repeated the thought in his head to keep it from wandering off as he watched Essek smile at each new orchid they saw.

***

“If you don’t mind me asking, what has you traveling to Rosohna?” Caleb and Essek had left the tropical conservatory and were now strolling through the other gardens. Essek figured enough time had passed that he could safely prod for a little more information about Caleb. He liked the man, he did, but he couldn’t deny there was something sketchy about him. Essek was eager to find out what he was hiding.

“My friends and I, we work together, and our business takes us many places,” Caleb said, smiling softly. His eyes were focused on the flora around them. _Well that was a vague answer._ Essek was just about to poke more, when Caleb turned the conversation back to him. “What about you, do you travel much?”

“No, I must admit I don’t get out of Xhorhas that much. And even then, I mostly stay here in Rosohna,” Essek said. The idea of traveling was nice, sure, but if he was being honest, Essek preferred the comforts of his own home over the heat and insects of some wild rainforest. He enjoyed traveling to other cities, though Rexxentrum often left him feeling out of place and uncomfortable as much as it sparked his intellectual interests with its abundance of scholars.

“Sometimes I travel for work, but, well, Rosohna is cloudier than most other places and I simply don’t fare well in strong sunlight.” Essek always tried to make his trips to the Empire in the Autumn.

“So you haven’t been in the field, then?” Caleb asked.

Essek narrowed his eyes and said, haughtily, “I prefer to work in my lab.”

“Of course, I was the same way once,” Caleb said quickly.

“No longer?”

“No, now I work as a guide for those scientists who don’t have much field experience, but delve into the wilds regardless.” Caleb looked at him, guarded, but opening up a fraction.

“Ah, and you think I might want to hire you?” _Hmm. Was that it then?_ Caleb was trying to get him to trek through some jungle for an extra paycheck?

Caleb smiled and shook his head, “No, no. That was not my intention, although I would not be opposed to it.” He laughed and Essek almost believed him.

“Have you worked for anyone I might know?” Essek asked.

Caleb considered this for a moment. “Probably not, mostly grad students, post docs, and the like. Those with the most prominence in the field, don’t tend to actually go in the field.”

Essek chuckled at that. He was not wrong. “Very true.”

“But there are so many species that can only be studied in the wild,” Caleb’s voice turned eager and low.

“Studying orchids in the lab has its obstacles, but so does the field,” Essek conceded. Caleb stared at him for a long moment. Essek wondered, absurdly, if there was something on his face. He was about to say something more when—

“If you could study any species, here in your lab, with no laws, regulations, or difficult field trips, what would you choose?”

“Ah.” _An odd question_ , Essek thought. He tilted his head to the side, and said, “Well, I’m currently writing a book on _Paphiopedilums_ , of which quite a few are endangered, but I am also quite partial to _Dendrophylax lindenii_ , the ghost orchid,” Essek said. “They live in rather remote swamps and not much is known about them, which makes them all the more enticing.”

Caleb nodded.

“But,” Essek continued, “there are restrictions, of course.”

“By the Cerberus Assembly.” Caleb’s gaze didn’t waver from Essek’s eyes.

“Indeed,” Essek said, eyeing Caleb carefully. Was it possible the Assembly suspected Essek himself of harboring illegal plants or the intent to procure them? Is that why Caleb was here?

“Well, it is getting late, my friend. I’m afraid I must take my leave,” Caleb said.

Essek hesitated for a moment, then said, “Of course. Let me show you the way out.” 

They made their way through the gardens toward the exit without saying much else, except for the occasional plant Caleb would point out in admiration. Essek couldn’t tell if he was being overly paranoid about the man or not, but he reminded himself that it never hurt to consider all the options. Although by that logic, he needed to consider that Caleb was simply another orchid enthusiast seeking entertaining conversation. He wasn’t sure what to make of that idea.

***

“How has your digging expedition been going?” Caleb asked Veth and Beau as he joined them in the living room of their rental.

“Well, we talked to some of his old colleagues,” Beau said. “They said he’s very ambitious, aloof, doesn’t like going to work parties. Not much else. None of them know him very well and none of them had anything we could use.” She slumped in one of the chairs.

“It’s almost suspicious how little we can find on him. No parking tickets, nothing,” Veth said. She took a pull from her flask and passed it to Beau.

“Sometimes there just isn’t anything to find,” Caduceus said as he came in from the kitchen with a tray of snacks. Jester snatched up several of the cookies.

“Maybe he just likes to look at pretty flowers,” Yasha offered. “He wouldn’t be the only one.” Caduceus nodded in agreement, his ears flopping.

“But he’s working with the Assembly,” Veth protested. “There’s no way he’s clean.” 

The discussion went round and round in circles as they discussed whether or not to keep digging and, if so, where to look. Caleb mostly kept quiet, except when they asked him questions about Essek. _Does he seem like he’s hiding something? He’s worked there how long? And his theories are really his own?_ Caleb did his best to answer. They didn’t come to a proper conclusion, but Beau and Veth were left with some new inspiration that they said they’d follow up on.

“Sooooo, how did your date go?” Jester asked Caleb. “Did he bring flowers?” She winked.

“Hah, very funny,” Caleb said. His heart rate spiked just the tiniest bit, but he elected to ignore it. “I think there’s a chance he would take us up on our offer. We should all meet with him sooner rather than later, considering Yeza’s court date.”

“We’ve already begun planning our next trip. Maybe we can offer one of the orchids in that area?” Fjord suggested. He pulled out the map of their trip and considered it.

“He mentioned _Paphiopedilums_ and the ghost orchid,” Caleb said. He glanced over the map. “We would have to plan an entirely different expedition to get our hands on a ghost orchid, but I suspect we may need to get multiple specimens to balance out the favor we’re asking of him.”

“Of course we just sold all our _sanderianums_ ,” Jester said exasperatedly.

“Ja, he might have liked one of those.” Caleb mentally went over their conversation again and again in his head. They were going to be taking a huge risk, propositioning the man to entangle himself in their illegal smuggling business. He had mentioned the Assembly’s restrictions, but at the same time had seemed so eager at the idea of getting his hands on the supposedly threatened species the Assembly had outlawed from collection. 

Caleb sighed. He hoped this whole scheme didn’t endanger the slowly blossoming friendship between the two of them. Manipulation and subterfuge aside, Caleb relished the fact that he had someone to talk _science_ with. It had been too long. Hopefully Essek didn’t look too unkindly upon him once he realized why Caleb had actually reached out. _And more importantly, hopefully Veth and Beau do not find something to suggest he is anything like his unsavory colleagues in Rexxentrum_.

Together, the Mighty Nein came up with the vaguest of plans on how to approach Essek. They threw out several wild ideas and resigned themselves to the fact that the agreed upon plan would probably go out the window in the moment, as well. Huddled around Caleb’s laptop, they drafted a polite email to one Dr. Essek Thelyss to be sent the next day.

***

Essek arrived at his empty apartment late in the evening. After touring the gardens with Caleb, he’d spent several hours in his office making up for the lost work time. Much like his office, his apartment was mostly full of books and a few particularly placed orchids. His kitchen was largely empty. Essek sighed and ordered food delivery online.

While he waited, he watered his plants and inspected them for any imperfections. It was a night like any other, but Essek found his thoughts wandering to Caleb and their earlier conversation. Despite himself, he pulled out his laptop and looked up flights to Quoraska Jungle and Eiselcross and the Lushgut Forest. Well none of those places had airports, he discovered.

To get to Eiselcross, he’d have to book an extremely expensive flight to Palebank Village and then charter a boat through the freezing cold ocean. DeRogna had been there multiple times, he knew. Essek wrinkled his nose at the thought of spending over a week on a ship. Apparently Caleb did this sort of trip all the time. Not for the first time that night, Essek wondered what made Caleb trade the lab for the wilds. He rested his cheek on his hand and stared at the apartment around him.

The doorbell roused him from his thoughts.

Rice dish in hand, Essek sat at his counter and read a book on astrophysics. Though his primary interest was orchids, he couldn’t help but be fascinated by other scientific fields, so he made sure to diversify his reading. Besides, it meant he always had something in his back pocket to talk about at social events. He didn’t have answers to questions like “How’s your family?” or “Are you dating anyone?” but he did have an assortment of knowledge on current scientific topics to bring up instead.

Unfortunately, they were mostly useless at his mother’s events. She was quite close with the Queen, so Essek frequently had to attend parties with them. The religious atmosphere did not make science wholly unwelcome, but it was certainly not acceptable for Essek to bring up his theories on the evolution of the Orchidaceae-mycorrhizae relationship. As he worked for the Royal Botanic Gardens, he mostly just told platitudes about how beautiful the gardens were and how lucky he was to work at them.

The occasional party attendee asked him endless questions about how to keep their orchid alive as it just kept _wilting_ and it hasn’t bloomed in _months_. Essek usually fought to keep from rolling his eyes, gave them minimal advice (without fighting the condescension from dripping into his voice), and told them to look at Key Gardens’ website.

His thoughts strayed back to Caleb as he read. It was _nice_ having someone to talk to. Maybe they _should_ do it again some time. He worried his bottom lip with his fang, tapped his fingers on the table, and pulled out his laptop. He opened a fresh email draft and typed in Caleb’s address.

_Subject:_

_Essek Thelyss <essekthelyss@royalbotanicgardens.org> _

_Caleb,_

He stared at the screen for several seconds, not sure what to write. “ _I had a good time today?_ ” he thought. _No, no._

 _If you’re in Rosohna for the next few days_ , he typed out and then immediately deleted. That was much too forward. This was harder than peer-reviewing some third rate asshole’s paper about the chemical makeup of an orchid’s scent. _Harder than peer-reviewing a paper half full of ideas he’d been weeks from publishing himself_ , he thought bitterly.

Sighing, he closed the email and opened the newest message from Da’leth instead.

_Subject: Any news?_

_Ludinus Da’leth <ludinusdaleth@thecerberusassembly.org> _

_Thelyss,_

_Your help with the Brenatto case was very useful. I expect to see you back in the Empire come his court date. In the meantime, do you have any other tips for us? Your experiments are becoming quite costly and could require the extra funds. These fines don’t generate themselves._

_Warm regards,_

_Ludinus Da’leth_

Essek leaned back and rubbed his face. Brenatto was the third tip he’d given the Assembly that year. If the orchid community put the dots together, they’d realize Essek wasn’t to be trusted with the knowledge of their horticultural contraband. But… he couldn’t afford to lose the Assembly’s funding. Unfortunately for Essek, Xhorhas had little budget put toward plant research that wasn’t crop related, so his grants were almost never funded. He didn’t know why he bothered to keep writing them.

Ludinus could wait, Essek decided. He poured himself a hefty glass of wine and slumped onto his couch. He let the wine warm his cheeks and turned his thoughts to his next experimental design instead of the anxiety-inducing politics threatening to collapse his research.

***

_Subject: A meeting of the minds_

_Caleb Widogast <cwidogast@message.com> _

_Essek,_

_I’ve told my colleagues about you and they’re eager to meet you. We have a bit of a business proposition for you, but it’s not what you think. Would you be willing to meet with us today?_

_Best,_

_Caleb Widogast_

Essek sipped his tea and stared long and hard at the email before him. It would seem that Caleb had reached out first, once more. He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going, but his never-ending curiosity pushed him forward.

_Subject: A meeting of the minds_

_Essek Thelyss <essekthelyss@royalbotanicgardens.org> _

_Caleb,_

_Come to Key Gardens at 2 pm. They’ll direct you to the building my office is in and I’ll meet you in the lobby._

_Essek_

***

Essek had been surprised to hear that Caleb wanted to speak with him so soon. He was even more surprised when he found six other people with him. He’d thought there’d be two extra, three _max_.

He met them all in the lobby, his gaze bouncing around the odd group as one of his eyebrows inched higher and higher on his forehead.

“Caleb.” Essek was more than a little flustered at the entire party of people looking at him, but he hid it well.

“Essek,” Caleb smiled at him. “These are my friends, the Mighty Nein.”

“The Mighty Nein? You have named yourselves?” Essek filed that away in his memory to look up later.

“Well every friend group needs a cool name,” the blue tiefling said, bouncing into his view. “I’m Jester,” she stuck her hand out to Essek. He took it and she bobbed it up and down enthusiastically.

“I wasn’t aware,” Essek muttered. His eyes were already flicking to the next person. A woman wearing the classic blue of the Cobalt Soul University.

“Beauregard.” She didn’t offer a hand.

“Did you study at the Cobalt Soul?” Essek tilted his head, his curiosity was officially piqued.

“Yup. What about you? Where’d you get your PhD?” Her arms were crossed defensively.

“Ah, at the Marble Tomes Conservatory, here in Rosohna. The finest university in the country.” He smirked.

“I’ve heard great things about it,” came a somewhat shrill voice. Essek looked down, almost expecting to see Yeza Brenatto, but instead found a halfling woman in a bright yellow dress. She stared at him intensely.

“And you are?” Essek stared right back. He wasn’t about to back down.

“Veth Brenatto”

Essek froze. In half a second, his gaze flitted to Caleb, then back down to Veth. The break in his façade was almost imperceptible as he quickly smoothed his features once more. _Surely, the last names were a coincidence?_

“Nice to meet you,” he said.

“I believe you know my husband.” Her gaze didn’t waver.

Essek felt his heart beat faster. “Yeza Brenatto?”

“That’s the one.”

“We are acquainted.” Essek put on a smile, flashing his fangs. He didn’t want to have that conversation here in public, so he turned to the others: Fjord, Yasha, and Caduceus each introduced themselves without the drama and fanfare of the others.

“Well, this is perhaps not the best place to have a full conversation.” Essek waved at the lobby around them, glancing briefly to Veth. “So, please, come with me to one of our meeting rooms.”

“Not your office?” Beau asked gruffly.

Essek chuckled. “It does not have the seats to accommodate all of you. If I had known seven people were coming, I could have set it up differently.”

“Right. Sure.” Beau didn’t seem to believe anything he had to say, even when it was the most mundane detail.

But that was only one piece of the puzzle as to what they were doing here. Essek only had the short walk to the meeting room to piece it all together. Caleb said it was a business proposition, but he definitely did not mention that one of his friends was Veth Brenatto. 

That Yasha looked rather large, were they planning to beat him up for his part in Brenatto’s arrest? No. Surely not. They must be here to plead with him to intervene on Yeza’s behalf. Why they thought he would, was a mystery.

Unless… He knew Brenatto bred most of his orchids, but he had to get the parents from somewhere. And Caleb had already told him they spent much of their time traveling in the field. Were these the smugglers that did runs for Brenatto? His own wife, really? How had Essek missed that before?

If they were smugglers, this was getting into dangerous territory. He’d best be careful.

The eight of them, yes he’d counted _seven_ Mighty Nein, filed into a bare conference room. Essek held the door open for each of them, then took his seat at the head of the table.

“So, what have you come to discuss?” He looked to Caleb.

They all exchanged anxious glances.

“We have a proposition for you, Essek,” Caleb started delicately.

“So you’ve said.”

Caleb hesitated and Beauregard took the opportunity: “Alright, let’s cut the shit.” She slammed her hand on the table. “We know you were there when Yeza was arrested.”

“I presumed.” Essek kept his cool composure, watching their faces carefully for any insight.

“I don’t think you saw there what you thought you did,” she countered.

He laughed. “Are you questioning my identification skills?” Oh, he did _not_ like Caleb’s friends. But, they were bold, he could give them that.

“If it came out that those orchids weren’t illegal after all—” Beauregard started.

“They’d have to throw out the case,” Veth finished.

“So you would have me rescind my statement, put my entire career on the line, break the law, and make an embarrassment of myself, for what, exactly?” Essek narrowed his eyes. He had an idea of what they would say next, but he needed to stall to make up his mind. And they needed to make a very good case.

Veth glared at him. “For—”

But she was cut off by Caleb’s soft voice.

“We can get you whatever orchid species you desire.” Caleb’s gaze didn’t waver from Essek’s.

Essek raised an eyebrow. “Hm. I did not realize you had such little care for conservation, Caleb. You would pluck any plant from the ground and deliver it to whomever pays the highest price?”

“Oh c’mon, you know the Assembly’s laws are bullshit,” Beauregard spat out.

Essek’s eyes didn’t leave Caleb’s as he waited for the other man’s response.

“We care a great deal for conservation, Essek. But the Assembly feeds everyone lies. They restrict collecting while ignoring the very real threats facing wild orchids. Tell me, have you ever seen a hundred _Paphiopedilums_ bulldozed to make way for a new golf course?”

“No.”

“It breaks your heart.” He held Essek’s gaze for a long, uncomfortable moment. Essek felt like he was on trial, being accused of something he didn’t do. It irked him. “But, it proves,” and Caleb glanced around at his colleagues before returning to look at Essek, “just how corrupt the Assembly are that they would rather fine a gardener $100,000 and leave his orchids to die in a warehouse than actually try to protect the very plants they claim to love.”

“Regardless of what should or should not be, concerning the Assembly’s laws, I do not wish to put my entire professional reputation at stake.” Essek couldn’t stop his eyes from flicking to look at Veth, who was bristling with rage and about to do _something—_

“Of course, of course,” Caleb intervened. “We understand, you’re a well respected man in the field. I respect you,” he paused and added as an afterthought, “ _We_ all respect you. But, please consider, we would procure you any sample you want, for— five years, for free. We would be greatly in your debt.” Caleb held eye contact and Essek found he couldn’t look away.

Essek stared back at him and wished that he had simply been an enthusiast wanting to talk about orchids. He wished that Caleb had not come to complicate things even more than they already were.

 _The Assembly would not like this_. They would most certainly not appreciate Essek rescinding his testimony about Brenatto’s contraband. They would definitely cut his funding and most likely get him banned from any official orchid conferences. They’d meddle with his ability to publish. He’d be ruined.

But. _But_. These smugglers could get him orchids he’d never been able to study in his lab. Who knows how many new species he’d be able to describe and name? And which of those could be the key to his research?

“I will consider it,” Essek tore his gaze from Caleb to look at each of the faces around the table. “Only if you aid me in obfuscating why Brenatto’s case is thrown out. I will not have my name attached to that,” he said in an even, collected tone. Their eyes all lit up as they looked to each other.

“Yes, yes, we’re great at things like that,” Jester, said eagerly. _Great at things like that? What else did they get up to?_ “Oh, I just knew you’d agree.” She was pulling out her bright pink phone and passing it over to him.

The charms on it jingled as he accepted it, questioningly.

“Put your number in there, so we can contact you,” she said. An empty contacts page was already pulled up.

“You have my email, do you not?” He was wary of giving out his phone number to a stranger.

“Yeah, but we don’t want to write to you on a _work_ email, if you know what I mean.” She waggled her eyebrows.

With a tiny sigh, he entered his number into her contacts. “Well then, I look forward to hearing from you.”

After some goodbyes, the Mighty Nein all filed out of the room. Caleb stood up last and hesitated by the door, waving his friends along. Essek watched them go, then turned to Caleb.

“So. You failed to mention your friend, Veth Brenatto,” Essek couldn’t help the slight venom in his voice. He knew Caleb was not to be trusted, but he didn’t expect to be thrown to the wolves without warning.

“I know, and I’m sorry, Essek,” Caleb said. “I… I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t tell the authorities the moment we mentioned our intentions.”

“And what makes you think I won’t?” Essek asked, tilting his head to the side.

“You are passionate,” Caleb said, he had that same intensity as before, in the garden. “These laws, they’re holding you back. They’re holding a lot of people back. If they are not protecting endangered species, then what is the point of them?”

“To line the Assembly’s pockets.” And to fund his own research, he did not say.

“Precisely. So would you give up on researching the most exotic orchids, discovering new species, and learning something that could actually help these plants, all to make them more money?”

“No.”

“Then my point is made.” They stood there for a long moment, studying each other. Essek felt his pulse rise and breath quicken. They were standing closer than he had realized.

Essek dropped his gaze and took a half step backward.

“I trust you can find your own way out?” Essek gestured to the door.

“Ja. Thank you, Essek. It means a lot,” Caleb said.

“It’s just business. A favor for a favor.”

Caleb paused in the door and shot Essek one last lingering glance, before heading down the hallway after his friends.

Essek tidied up the room and quickly made his way back to his office. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the wall of plants. A spider had spun its web in between two of the orchids and his sharp eyes could see a gnat stuck in the geometric patterns. Essek imagined himself as the insect caught and struggling with no way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this!! You can find me at floatysparrowthing on Tumblr!
> 
> I can only hope to write the next chapter so fast, but as long as Essek isn't in the show, I have to manifest him somewhere


	3. Neottia nidus-avis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek manipulates Caleb back (or, tries to) and Caleb buries his feelings (or, tries to).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I try to remember what my college bio labs were like (which weren't even plant science, but oh well) and I make up a new flower because why not
> 
> I recommend "Talk" by Hozier for an Essek song, but like, without the innuendo. And "Gravity" by Timeflies for Shadowgast

The lab was quiet but the hum of equipment. The refrigerators and incubators all made their own white noise that was actually quite loud, but quickly faded into the background of Essek’s mind. He was entirely focused as he pipetted solution from one container into the tiny capsules arranged in front of him.

_Bzzt bzzt_

His phone was buzzing across the bench. He ignored it and stayed focused. He had to do this quickly to maintain the integrity of the experiment.

_Bzzt bzzt_

It just kept going. Who could be texting him this much? Essek wasn’t even sure when he had last gotten a text message. _Was it Verin? Some years ago?_

_Bzzt bzzt_

Essek capped the last capsule, twisted the cap on the solution, and shucked the pipette tip into the trash. And, just to make them wait a little longer, he grabbed his tray of capsules and carefully put them away before finally picking up his phone to see _seven_ messages from one Jester Lavorre.

> _3:17 pm Jester Lavorre: hey essek!! we’re on our way to the lushgut forest now and I just thought I’d let you know in case we disappear for three weeks then someone can come find us so we don’t die!_

The next message was a selfie of Jester in an airport. She threw up a peace sign and stuck out her tongue, while the background was a colorful and animated look at what appeared to be Beau and Fjord mid-argument. Caleb seemed to be watching in amusement while Essek could only see the top of Veth’s head.

> _3:25 pm Jester Lavorre: oh and caleb says hi and that he’ll bring you back the prettiest flower we find!_
> 
> _3:25 pm Jester Lavorre: maybe you should give caleb your number ;)_
> 
> _3:46 pm Jester Lavorre: what are you up to? it’s really boring here because our flight was delayed because an orc puked all over the seats and everything and it was super gross so now we’re just sitting in the gate waiting even longer_
> 
> _3:54 pm Jester Lavorre: have you ever been to the lushgut forest? it's really big and I hope we don’t get lost! we probably won't get lost because we’re really good at what we do but you just never know, you know?_

The last message was just a series of emojis that was a mix of hearts, pastries, flowers, and eggplants.

While reading the messages, Essek walked out of the lab and pulled his safety goggles off, stuffing them in his pocket. It seemed he was going to hear more from this group than he had expected. He’d last seen them just a couple of days ago, but already Jester was texting him like they were best friends. While the updates were completely unnecessary, he did find it all quite amusing. In the privacy of his office, he leaned against the wall and typed his reply.

> _4:06 pm_ _Essek Thelyss: Jester, if I don’t hear from you in three weeks I will let someone know to go looking for you. I am working and no, I haven’t been to the Lushgut Forest._

For an absurd moment, he considered ending his message with an emoji, but after a half second of scrolling through the options, decided against it and sent the text.

 _Tell Caleb_ … he typed out and quickly deleted. Caleb’s manipulation had been lingering in the back of his head for a few days now. The man had clearly been ingratiating himself with Essek to pursue the Mighty Nein’s interests. Yet, Essek still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than that, despite his logic to the contrary. And he wanted to find out what that was.

But, he’d leave it in Caleb’s hands for now.

> _4:10 pm Essek Thelyss: If you want to give Caleb my number, feel free._

Essek hit send, blinked uncertainly at the message and then quickly shoved his phone in his pocket, too nervous to see the answer. He was rarely ruffled and yet a simple text had made him uncharacteristically nervous. Chuckling at his own apprehension, Essek ran a hand through his hair and tried to remember what he was supposed to be doing next.

He didn’t get another text message, presumably because the Mighty Nein had boarded their plane (and hopefully not because Caleb wanted nothing to do with him).

***

Jester and Caleb sat next to each other on the plane, a stranger blocking them in via the aisle seat. Caleb let Jester have the window seat, as it delighted her far more than it ever would for him. She pointed out the bright blue swimming pools below them and Caleb craned his neck to see what she was trying to show him. Frumpkin sat on his lap, snoozing in his traveling harness.

Once they were above the clouds and Jester had little left to look at, she turned to face Caleb with a mischievous look in her eye.

“I texted Essek.”

“Oh? Did you ask if he was pooping?” Caleb looked at her with fond amusement. He had known this was coming the moment Essek typed his number into her phone.

She grinned. “No, no. I just said totally normal stuff like if we’re gone for too long then he should come and find us.”

“Hm. I don’t think he would trek into the forest to look for us.”

“I don’t know, Caleb, he seemed to really like you. I told him he should give you his number!”

“...And what did he say to that?”

Jester did her best to mimic Essek’s accent as she read off her phone: “‘If you want to give Caleb my number, feel free.’” Her grin was brilliant and her voice rose exponentially higher. “Caleb! He likes you! He even put a winky face at the end!”

“He did not.”

“Okay, maybe not, but I bet he thought about it.” She winked at him.

Caleb gave her a dubious look. He and Essek… well, they had hit it off immediately. And sure, there was something there in the way Essek’s gaze had lingered on him for longer than necessary when in the meeting room. But Essek had been cold when they had last spoken. _It’s just business_ , he’d said. Of course, Caleb went into this knowing that. He’d gone into this wanting to use Essek for his own gain. Had Essek been hurt by that? Caleb couldn’t tell. His face hadn’t betrayed any emotion during the whole meeting. Only the drip of venom in his voice had indicated he was upset.

“It is nothing, Jester. He just said whatever was easiest and polite.”

Jester studied his face. Her bright grin turned into worry. “What do you really think about him, Caleb?”

Caleb sighed and ran a hand over his face, then tangled his fingers in Frumpkin’s fur. “I think he’s amazing. I think he’s dangerous. I think he’s tangled up with some bad people. I don’t know—” Caleb swallowed and looked to the man sitting next to him. He was passed out with noise-canceling headphones on. Caleb lowered his voice, “I don’t know if we can trust him, Jester. He’s clearly working for the Assembly and that is not a good sign. He could have us all arrested in a snap, if we make one wrong move — even if we don’t make a wrong move. We don’t know him that well.”

“But you don’t really think he would do that,” Jester said in a low voice to match his own. She put her hand on Caleb’s. He gripped it tightly, feeling anxiety well up inside of him.

“No, I don’t,” Caleb answered instinctively. But his logical side took over: “But maybe he would.”

He glanced down, willing himself to talk about the turmoil that had been swirling at the edges of his thoughts for the past month and a half. 

“I am very ill at ease knowing that we move closer to the Assembly every day we involve ourselves with Yeza’s case and with Essek. I want nothing more than to ensure Yeza’s freedom, but this does not end with that. We have promised five years to Essek. That is five years of living on a tightrope, watching our every step.”

“Caleb,” Jester’s voice was soft and comforting. “We already have to watch our every step. Hanging out with Essek doesn’t change that.”

Caleb’s mouth twisted into a disbelieving frown.

“Are you worried he’s like Trent?”

“Mm. Ja.”

“Well, I’m really good at reading people, you know? So I’ll just talk to him a whole bunch and I’ll know real soon if he’s anything like Icky Thong. Not that I’ve actually met Icky Thong...” Jester paused, apparently uncertain about her next words. “And Caleb, you used to work for the Assembly and you aren’t evil. Maybe Essek isn’t either.”

“Some people are excellent at hiding behind their charms and smiles,” Caleb mumbled. He wasn’t thinking of Ikithon anymore. That man made everyone but his vulnerable students squirm with unease. But Caleb himself had spent his grad years learning how to use his charisma to gain the upperhand whenever possible, although there were plenty of lines he had never crossed. _So which side did Essek stand on?_

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, Caleb,” Jester whispered.

He looked up at her and smiled, eyes wet. “Thank you, Jester.”

They sat in silence for a long moment. Jester turned back to the window. Then, like she just couldn’t keep it in, she looked back to him and said, “So I shouldn’t give you his number?”

Caleb couldn’t help a half smile. “I have his email.”

“Yeah, totally, you have his email.” She fidgeted for a moment, then took out her sketchbook and began drawing a caricature of the sleeping man sharing their aisle. Caleb scritched Frumpkin behind the ear and focused on the rumbling sound and sensation coming from the cat as he closed his eyes.

***

_Tap tap tap_

Essek’s fingers lightly rapped against his desk. He was once again staring at Ludinus’s latest email in both frustration and dismay. But as the anxiety prickled at his chest, he tried to twist the problem into something more surmountable: a puzzle that needed solving. He was excellent at those and this should be no different.

So, Essek considered everyone he knew that currently kept illegal orchid species. At this point, it wasn’t a very long list, except for the addition of seven people at the end of it. He mentally crossed off each one that was in some way useful to him. The list dwindled quickly.

His mind hovered on the Mighty Nein — did they need seven people to get his specimens? He considered each member, wondering what each of them brought to the group and what their backgrounds were. Caleb was certainly indispensable... Regardless, it would be hard to catch only one and not all of them, considering they were most likely all together when they actually carried the plants.

Additionally, it was imperative that the Mighty Nein did not find out that he was the one who tipped off the Assembly about Yeza’s contraband. If they knew he wasn’t to be trusted with that sort of information, the knowledge would spread quickly throughout the orchid community and he would be out of funds.

 _But_ , the Mighty Nein offered other possible solutions to the problem. They were smugglers, after all, so who were they smuggling for? That was the question he needed to answer. Essek smiled to himself, content that he had a lead to follow.

> _Subject: Any News?_
> 
> _Essek Thelyss <essekthelyss@royalbotanicgardens.org> _
> 
> _Da’leth,_
> 
> _I’ll have one for you soon. Patience is a virtue, Da’leth._
> 
> _See you in Felderwin._
> 
> _Regards,_
> 
> _Dr. Essek Thelyss_

Now he just needed to wait for their return.

***

The Mighty Nein were once again hiking through a forest. This one was considerably less wet, however, and had far fewer poisonous snakes. The leaves rustled as they crunched through the underbrush, keeping their eyes peeled on the ground this time. They were largely relying on Caduceus’s sharp eyes to find the ground dwelling orchids. Frumpkin picked his way through the foliage, perfectly comfortable in the forest.

Veth was whacking a stick against most of the nearby trees. Jester was playing the audiobook of “Tusk Love” through a speaker as they walked. Caleb blushed at a few parts, but overall it was not unenjoyable. They all laughed at some of the more ridiculous sentences. 

_“Oskar looked at her voluptuous breasts_ —”

“Oh this is a good part,” Yasha murmured. By this point, they had listened to the book at least three times. Fjord frequently asked Jester if he could buy her a different audiobook, but she refused with a much-too-innocent smile on her face.

“I’ve been thinking,” Beau said, coming out of her thoughts. Jester turned off the speaker. “We have to go talk to the judge on Yeza’s case, right? How are we going to convince them to not reveal that Essek rescinded his statement? Prominent orchid researcher, top of his field, says he misidentified the plants and now out of the goodness of his heart is coming forward to admit his mistake, but the information would put his career at risk, so please don’t tell anyone? Sounds suspicious.”

“It would certainly make Essek’s testimony doubtful, which would be good. But it may draw undue attention to Essek himself,” Caleb mused.

“What if we say Essek was coerced into misidentifying them?” Fjord offered.

“By who? The Assembly? They’ve got everyone in their pocket,” Beau said.

“Or, what if Essek disappears. He just doesn’t show,” Veth said.

“We need to present a good reason for Essek to not make the court date that the Assembly will not punish him for,” Caleb insisted. “Or, make the judge throw out the case publicly for a different reason.”

“I don’t know, is it that hard to believe that he made a mistake and just wants to fix it without anyone knowing?” Jester asked. “Essek could say he was really drunk at the time or something. That isn’t illegal, right? And then the judge could tell everyone that someone tampered with the evidence, or they found a bunch of cockroaches chewing on the notes, or Yeza is clearly such a good person that they couldn’t possibly convict him with anything.” Jester shrugged, running out of ideas.

“Essek could say he had been working all night in the lab and his sleepiness made him identify them wrong?” Yasha’s soft spoken voice broke in.

“Ja, perhaps the simplest is the best. The evidence was damaged, so there is no case,” Caleb said.

Caduceus stopped walking and gestured ahead of them. “Look,” he smiled. Caleb carefully picked his way over to the firbolg’s side. A pale brown stem poked out of the ground. It was topped with similarly colored blooms in the form of a bottle brush, each flower delicately splayed open and completely devoid of the usual bright colors. 

“The bird’s nest orchid, _Neottia nidus-avis_ ,” Caleb said.

Caduceus knelt down, looking around. “There’s a few of them here,” he smiled.

Caleb carefully dug his fingers into the ground around the plant and pulled it out. He dusted as much soil out of its roots as he could. With great care, he pressed it between sheets of newspaper and slipped it into a plastic bag. His friends collected a few others in similar fashion and soon they were hiking through the forest again, back to discussing Yeza’s case.

Partway through their journey’s fourth day, a small flower caught Caleb’s eye. It was light brown like the bird’s nest orchid, but its blooms were arranged differently. There were only three flowers attached to the stem and their lower petals were wide and cupped, where the bird’s nest’s were split in two. Caleb stared at it, puzzled. He grabbed his field book from his bag and flipped through the pages. Frumpkin sniffed it curiously.

“Did you find something?” Beau asked, peering over his shoulder.

“This one is not in the book. I do not recognize it,” Caleb said.

“Could it be a new species?” Veth asked.

“Ja, could be.” Caleb set about digging it from the ground. His pulse quickened with the thrill of discovery. He had never seen an orchid like this, despite spending hours pouring over the region’s known species in preparation for their trip. It could be a species entirely new to science and _he was the one who found it._

Caleb lifted his prize from the ground. He was grinning and covered in dirt.

 _I have to tell Essek_. The thought popped into his mind unbidden as the Mighty Nein clambored around him to get a look at it. While they chattered, his blessed, traitorous mind ran away with the idea entirely: _Together, we could officially describe and name it. Together, we could publish it. Together…_ Caleb abruptly stopped the dangerous train of thought. He had no idea what the Mighty Nein would decide to do with the plant or if Essek wouldn’t jealously take all the credit for it the moment they gave it to him.

But, surely, it would go a long way to mend their relationship.

***

Two weeks went by before Essek heard from the Mighty Nein again.

He’d gone about business as usual: working in his lab, curating the orchids of the Royal Botanic Gardens, and working on his book. However, everywhere he worked, he felt something missing. It was just at the edges of his consciousness, but the color was slowly draining from his everyday life. His solitude, once refreshing and welcoming, was becoming stale. He found himself frequently wishing he had someone to talk to about his work. Very tentatively, Essek tried to speak with his coworkers, but none of them showed any genuine interest in his research and none of the conversations were particularly stimulating. He abandoned the attempt quickly.

When he saw Jester’s text message, he couldn’t help but be surprised at the brightness he felt bloom inside of him.

> _5:48 pm Jester Lavorre:_ _heyyyy essek! we’re back! we just landed in Rosohna, so tell us where we should meet up with you! we’ve got so much to show you ;)_
> 
> _5:50 pm Essek Thelyss:_ _I’m glad to hear you neither got lost nor died in the Lushgut. Where are you staying? Let’s meet there tomorrow._
> 
> _6:02 pm Jester Lavorre:_ _well we definitely didn’t forget to book a rental so I’ll for sure get that address to you juuuuust as soon as I know what it is_
> 
> _6:03 pm Jester Lavorre:_ _also do you know any good places to eat around here? we’ve been eating camping food for the last two weeks and I would KILL for a good pastry_
> 
> _6:07 pm Essek Thelyss:_ _I’m not familiar with the area. I trust you can use the apps on your phone to come up with something._

Essek didn’t bother writing that Jester hadn’t even told him what area she was in. And he tried not to think about the fact that Caleb hadn’t texted him. Instead, he focused on the new specimens he would soon have in his hands and grinned to himself. Surely, this would accelerate his research. And, if he got to discuss any developments with Caleb, well that was even better.

The next day, he found himself knocking on an unassuming door in the Firmaments District. There was no answer, but he could hear voices on the other side.

“Hello?” he called out hesitantly.

A few seconds later, the door creaked open and Veth peered around its edge. She stared at Essek for a long, uncomfortable moment.

“Come in,” she said, then turned and retreated further inside.

Essek raised his eyebrows but followed her nonetheless.

He had predicted a somewhat chaotic environment and yet it still surprised him. A few travel bags were in the corner of the living room, with their contents half falling out. It looked like a mix of cooking ware, sleeping bags, and scientific equipment. There were field guides and notes and maps strewn across the main table alongside a few plastic bags containing organic material. The plants in question, Essek surmised.

“I’ll put on the pot,” Caduceus said as soon as he saw Essek and disappeared through a doorway.

Caleb was sitting at the table with a cat on his lap, flipping through a field guide with a pensive expression coloring his features.

Essek cleared his throat with as much politeness as he could muster.

Caleb looked up at him and as they locked eyes, Essek’s breath hitched. He’d somehow forgotten the strong gravitational pull that Caleb’s gaze had.

“Essek!” Jester’s voice broke through to him and he dragged his eyes from Caleb’s to see her running across the room toward him. “I didn’t hear you come in because I was looking at Yasha’s gorgeous pressed flowers! Do you want to see them?”

“Another time, perhaps.” He offered a smile and then looked pointedly at the table.

“Oh yeah, you wanna see what we brought you. Don’t worry, we did _not_ disappoint! Caleb! You should pull them out!”

“Ah, hello,” Caleb said quietly to Essek. He stood up, the cat leaping off with an indignant meow, and began carefully arranging the specimens.

“Hello.” Essek approached the table and peered down at the packaged plants. He raised an eyebrow and looked to Caleb approvingly, “You found _Neottia nidus-avis_.”

“Ja,” Caleb held it up. It was just a drab brown stem and roots, most of the flowers had fallen off, but it was exactly what Essek wanted. He reached out and took it from Caleb.

Essek inspected the specimen carefully. “It does not photosynthesize, but gains all its sustenance from the decaying organic matter around its roots, hence the brown coloration.” He smiled. “This will be very useful to me, indeed.”

“That is not all we found,” Caleb said. From his coat pocket, he produced a small glass jar with a preserved flower inside. He handed it to Essek.

Essek took the jar and held it up to the light, inspecting it carefully. He found himself at a complete loss for the species name, which never happened. Well, he could recall seven other times it had happened and resulted in him describing brand new species.

“Is this…?” He glanced at Caleb. The man’s eyes were glittering and he was practically bouncing on his feet.

“I have never seen anything like it before. It is not in the book,” Caleb said, words rushed with excitement. He was staring, fascinated, at the flower. From the table, Caleb grabbed a second brown stem and handed it to Essek. “I believe it is a new species.”

“Interesting,” Essek said. “That is quite a find.” He moved to give the preserved flower back.

“No, no,” Caleb said. “It is for you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We were out collecting for you, so consider that yours.”

Essek raised his eyebrow. “That is very generous of you.” He was surprised they didn’t keep it to themselves or sell it to the highest bidder among their usual clients. _Why didn’t they?_

As Caleb chattered on about where they found it, and how it was unique from other, similar orchid species, Essek could almost forget that they were anything other than a pair of passionate, like-minded researchers working together. He hesitated, trying to find the words and courage to ask: “You, ah, you should come over and study it with me.”

Caleb stilled, his hand pausing mid gesture, then he ran it through his hair nervously. “I would… I would like that,” he said earnestly.

“What’s going on?” Beau’s brash voice broke the tension between them as she and Fjord walked in, dressed in workout gear and drenched in sweat.

“Essek came over to get his stuff, remember?” Jester said. She was eating some popcorn by the handfuls and glancing between Essek and Caleb. Essek had nearly forgotten she was there.

“I will, ah, be taking my leave then, if this is all…” Essek glanced to Caleb. A beat passed. “How long will you be in Rosohna...?”

“Ah, yes, I could come work on it tomorrow, if that works for you?”

“Perfect. Meet me at the Gardens, then,” Essek smiled awkwardly, his flustered demeanor beginning to peek through. He quickly left, waving his goodbyes to the other members of the Mighty Nein.

Surely, Essek would be able to figure out Caleb’s other motivations after another meetup. And if he found that Caleb was only interested in his own goals, well then Essek wouldn’t have to worry about using him to find other tips for the Assembly. Essek assured himself that was just as good an outcome.

***

Caleb nervously arrived once more to the lobby of Essek’s building. He had two hot drinks in hand and a bag with what the cafe cashier had assured him were very normal Xhorhassian breakfast foods. It didn’t hurt to bring a second peace offering, he figured.

“I’m here to see Dr. Thelyss,” he told the receptionist.

Within a few minutes, Essek appeared in the doorway wearing a fashionable black sweater over a collared shirt. A delicate silver chain connected the two sides of the collar with geometric pins holding it in place. The drow’s hair was perfectly styled as always. He was stunning. With great effort, Caleb brought his thoughts back to the moment at hand.

“Caleb, welcome. Let’s go to my lab,” Essek said lightly.

Caleb followed him into the maze of hallways.

“I brought, ah, I believe you liked earl grey? It’s with milk and honey,” Caleb handed him one of the cups.

“Oh, thank you,” Essek said, his ears twitching in surprise. He sipped it appreciatively.

They arrived at a fairly nondescript door. Outside, a cart stood sentry with a water bottle atop it and a little sign that said “No food or drink.”

“Mm, I did not think that far ahead,” Caleb mumbled sheepishly.

Essek pulled the door open, glancing at Caleb and then the cart. “It’ll be our little secret,” he grinned. Caleb’s stomach flipped.

Inside, there were several long black topped tables with an array of equipment on each of them. All of the shelves were chock full of pipette tips, chemicals, and beakers. There were several refrigerators, a gas hood, and a whole gaggle of young plants growing under fluorescent lights. It took Caleb’s breath away as bittersweet memories of his old lab rolled unbidden through his mind.

Essek was already striding to his bench and dragging two stools next to each other. After Caleb stood there a moment too long he asked, curiously, “Are you okay?”

“Ja... ja,” Caleb cleared his throat. “I haven’t been in a lab like this in a long time.” He found his way over to Essek and set down the food, pulling out a notebook and laptop. He could feel Essek’s eyes on him, but focused on pulling up a blank word document.

“Well, we should start by taking measurements, then try to extract some DNA,” Essek said, transitioning into full research mode.

The two worked together for hours as they took note of every tiny detail of the specimen. They compared it to a range of other known species, hypothesizing about where it may belong in the evolutionary tree. As they fed off each other’s energy, Caleb delighted at the eagerness in Essek’s bright eyes and the passion coloring his voice. Caleb found himself loosening up, not thinking about his past research experiences, and leaning ever so slightly closer to the elf beside him.

“Your other clients must be jealous that you brought this new find to me, and not them,” Essek said when there was a lull in their work. He smirked and tilted his head, piercing Caleb with his silver gaze.

“Well, what they don’t know, they cannot be jealous of,” Caleb gave a small smile back.

“How did you find your way into this business?” Essek asked. Caleb noticed he was keeping his voice light and casual, but his unwavering eyes were still studying Caleb’s face intently.

“Ah, it is a bit of a long story,” Caleb stalled as he tried to figure out what was safe to say.

“The PCR machine has a while yet.” Essek shrugged.

Caleb hummed, bracing himself to talk about his past. “I used to work in Trent Ikithon’s lab. I mentioned before I had been pursuing my doctorate. He was my advisor. I’m sure you know of him,” Caleb said, warily. He watched Essek for any reaction.

Essek’s nose twitched and his eyes narrowed. “Yes, he is very prominent in the field, so we have had correspondence. He is not my favorite collaborator.”

“We had a… falling out, and I left the lab without any direction to go in,” Caleb said. He glanced down at his lap and rubbed his arms. “I knew he would make it hard for me to find a job in another lab, so I had to pick up new skills to make a living.” He didn’t mention the few years he spent in inpatient care at a behavioral health center, recovering from the abuse, and his subsequent homelessness once he was released.

“You know it is not easy moving from one field to another,” Caleb continued. “So I looked for other ways to use the knowledge I already had. I met Veth while she was going through a hard time, and then the others, who all had some orchid experience. Well, we saw a gap in the market and took advantage of it.” It was a vague answer, he knew. Maybe someday he would trust Essek enough to tell him the details.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Caleb was having a hard time making eye contact. He willed himself to look up and see the expression on Essek’s face, but his eyes stayed fixed to his hands, anxiously fidgeting in his lap.

“It is not too late,” Essek said, his voice tentative, but gentle.

Caleb jerked his head up to lock eyes with Essek.

“We have an excellent program here in Rosohna,” Essek smiled softly.

“I wasn’t aware of any other orchid researchers here,” Caleb said, furrowing his brow.

Essek raised an eyebrow. “I am sitting right here.”

“Oh.”

For a moment, it felt as if time stilled around them. They were sitting side by side, both half turned toward the other, so close their knees almost touched. Caleb couldn’t look away from Essek’s silver eyes. They were softer than he’d ever seen them and with that they seemed to exert their own force upon Caleb, pulling him in closer and closer...

Caleb stood up abruptly and his stool screeched across the floor, breaking the spell.

“I’m so sorry, but I have to go meet up with the Mighty Nein. We have a, uh, meeting scheduled right… now.” Caleb started packing his things up.

“Right,” Essek looked at him in confusion. “Well, I will work on this more, and perhaps send you some data and a draft to look over?”

“Ja, I’d like that.” Caleb paused his hurrying. “Thank you, so much, for including me on this. You didn’t have to.” Most scientists he knew wouldn’t have.

“You found the specimen, it only seems fair to describe it together,” Essek said like it was the most logical conclusion in the world.

“Thank you, again. I will see you soon?” He didn’t exactly intend the last part to come off as a question.

“Sure. Whenever you are in Rosohna. I will be here.” Essek gestured to the lab.

Caleb nodded and then he was out the door, making his way back to the lobby, berating himself for getting too attached to the handsome drow who made his stomach flutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shadowgast is just made up of so many complicated emotions I feel like a juggler, trying not to let any slip by. Anyway, thank you for the comments! I have been spending way too much of my free time on this instead of my original works, but hey writing is writing and it should help me improve either way


	4. Dendrobium victoriae-reginae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek has a lot of new feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit shorter cause I just got to a point that felt like a good chapter ending!
> 
> Also, sorry about the lack of Caleb and how most of the M9 are background characters! Hopefully the Jester conversations make up for that
> 
> Alright I spent a little bit of time looking for an Essek burgeoning friendship song, because it's the main thing missing from my playlist for him, and have come up empty. Please, send me your Essek realizing he's making friends he cares about songs!! (and like any Jester/Essek friendship songs)

Exhausted, Essek slumped onto his couch and wrapped himself in the soft purple blanket he kept there. It was past midnight and he’d been working at the lab since the morning. The high of discovery had kept him working all day and into the night, as he was eager to write up a paper on the find as soon as possible. Snuggled into the couch, Essek finally let his eyes close.

His mind wandered to Caleb and their conversation earlier that day. Collaborating with him had been like breaking into an elegant ballroom dance that Essek had no idea he knew the steps to. As one put an idea forth, the other had built off of it with ease. He hadn’t realized the pair of them had spent six hours together. Time had a weird way of moving when he was with Caleb. It seemed to slow and stop as it pleased.

But just as Essek was delighted with his day’s research, he was less pleased with his progress toward learning the name of one of the Mighty Nein’s clients. He had made the barest attempt at gleaning more information about them from Caleb, but he’d become distracted as the other man drew into himself. The confident, enthusiastic researcher had become nervous and soft spoken. Essek had felt the strangest pricks of guilt in his throat, a wholly unfamiliar feeling. Caleb had seemed so _hurt_ by something in his past and Essek couldn’t bring himself to pry any further.

And then Caleb had abruptly left in a hurry. Essek didn’t think his offer had been so outrageous to elicit such a reaction… Caleb had just needed to meet with the Mighty Nein, Essek told himself. They had been working in the lab for a long time.

_Bzzt bzzt_

His phone buzzed from its place on the coffee table.

“Must be Jester,” he said and reached over to grab it.

> _12:34 am Jester Lavorre: hey!! so guess what, we totally forgot to talk to you about the whole yeza’s case thing_
> 
> _12:34 am Jester Lavorre: caleb came back and said you hadn’t discussed it AT ALL so we were all like what were you even talking about for SIX HOURS caleb???_
> 
> _12:34 am Jester Lavorre: we gotta hang out more, you know? caleb can’t get you all to himself!!_
> 
> _12:34 am Jester Lavorre: anyway we’re still in rosohna and need to talk to you about it so can you pretty please come over tomorrow? Thx!!!_

Essek sighed. 

> _12:35 am Essek Thelyss: Sure._

He finally roused himself from the couch to grab something to eat. His body was urgently reminding him it had been awhile. But before he could heat anything up, his phone buzzed again. He rubbed his face with his hand and looked at the message.

> _12:42 am Jester Lavorre: you’re not mad or anything are you??_
> 
> _12:43 am Essek Thelyss: I’m not mad. I’m tired._
> 
> _12:43 am Jester Lavorre: ok goodnight essek!! I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!_

Essek stared at the message, slowly blinking. He tried to remember the last time someone wished him goodnight. The only thing that came to mind was when he was a child and he was required to kiss his mother on the cheek before going to bed. “Goodnight, Essek,” she would say coolly. Verin used to hug him tightly and say in his underdeveloped Undercommon: “Night, Essie!” Essek remembered hating the physical contact and feeling relief when Verin grew out of the habit. _Did he grow out of it or was he finally discouraged?_

> _12:45 am Essek Thelyss: Goodnight, Jester._

He ate leftover rice in his quiet, dark kitchen and thought about the most chaotic house he’d ever visited.

***

“So you want me to lie to the judge, say that I misidentified Bren— Yeza’s orchids, and kindly ask them to tell everyone the evidence was damaged so my career isn’t put in jeopardy? Exactly what evidence do they have?” Essek was sitting at the table with his hand on his chin, contemplating. Caleb had picked the seat furthest from him, to squelch any residual feelings from the day prior and keep his mind focused on the conversation at hand.

He sighed, and said, “We don’t know. Probably not much.”

The Mighty Nein were arranged in their rental’s dining room, crowded around the table. Beau leaned back in her chair and propped her feet on the table. Fjord swatted at them, giving her a _we’ll have to pay for any damages_ look. She rolled her eyes and dropped them back to the floor.

“It doesn’t matter what they actually have if they just convince everyone else that an issue with the evidence caused the case to be thrown out,” Beau said. Caleb hoped this was true. It wasn’t a great plan, but they couldn’t come up with anything better that didn’t involve a complicated kidnapping scheme. Veth still wanted to do the complicated kidnapping scheme.

“When did you all imagine this conversation taking place? Yeza’s hearing is in a month, if I recall,” Essek said.

“We’re heading to Felderwin tomorrow, you should just come with us!” Jester said, bouncing in excitement. Caleb’s eyebrows rose and he glanced at Jester, questioningly. She just grinned back in response.

“Ah,” Essek said. He seemed taken aback.

“Jester, that is too soon. He needs time to prepare,” Fjord said, before Essek could turn them down. He was always trying to smooth things over.

Essek’s gaze caught Caleb’s for a moment. Caleb tried to read his expression, but it was near impossible. Essek broke eye contact before Caleb could properly gather his thoughts.

“No, no. It is fine. You all were so generous with the specimen, I must pay back the favor. I will have to let a few people know, and pack my bag, but… I can come to Felderwin for a few days,” Essek said.

“You’ll have to get a hotel room,” Veth said. “I only have so much room in my house.”

“That will not be a problem,” Essek said. The Mighty Nein all nodded affirmations and made a plan to meet at the airport the next day. Essek stood up to leave, but found Jester standing in the way, arms wide open. He hesitated and glanced around the Nein.

Caleb hid his smile behind his hand. He watched as Essek inched forward, into Jester’s range. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tight.

“We’re going to have so much fun, Essek! In between all the lying and saving Yeza, of course! We’re going to make cupcakes, and I can show you all my drawings, and we’ll go for a night out in Felderwin which isn’t like the best town for nightlife, but you know, one day we can all go to Nicodranas together, then I’ll _really_ show you a night out,” Jester said, gleefully.

Caleb couldn’t help but chuckle when Jester finally let go of him. He watched in amusement as Essek attempted to smooth out his clothes and hair.

“Sounds… fun,” Essek said drily, with what could only be described as a completely forced smile on his face.

After a moment of silence, Essek cleared his throat and said, “I had better go prepare.” And he was gone before anyone could finish saying goodbye.

As the Mighty Nein turned their conversation to dinner and began packing themselves, Jester sidled up next to Caleb.

“Don’t worry, I have a plan.”

“I was not worried before, but I am now,” Caleb answered, dubious.

***

Normally, Essek would accept nothing less than first class. However, this trip was… under the radar, so he had neither his family’s money nor the Botanical Garden’s to buy his ticket. And he’d determined he’d better save his own money in case things in his career suddenly went horribly awry. But amidst way too many people, he was regretting the decision. With as much patience as he could muster, he found his way to his window seat. He’d have preferred the aisle.

Essek already had his book out before the other passengers finished filing in. But to his dismay, he only got through one page before a familiar blue tiefling plopped into the seat next to him.

“Jester,” he said in surprise. “What a coincidence.” He didn’t believe for one moment that it was.

“I know right?” She was struggling to shove her pink backpack under the seat. Essek watched her while he mentally prepared himself for the next four hours.

“What are you reading?” she asked, tilting her head to look at the book’s cover. He angled the book so she could see. “Oh, that’s a good one!”

“You’ve read _Obsessive Genius: The Inner World of Halas Lutagran_?” Essek arched an eyebrow.

“Mhm!” She nodded, completely unconvincingly.

“We will have to discuss it when I am done,” he said and began reading again.

Jester sat still for maybe half a minute, before she turned to him with an excited look in her eye. “Essek, I know, like, nothing about you! What a great opportunity for us to really get to know each other! Are you married? Do you have kids?”

“No, I live alone,” Essek said. Once again, he stopped reading to look at her.

“No significant other?”

“I’m not interested in that sort of thing.”

“Okay… what do you do for fun?”

“Usually, reading.” Essek held up his book and gave her a meaningful look. He didn’t do a lot for _fun_ , he mostly worked and feigned interest in whatever his family and their acquaintances were doing.

“Ugh! But that's so boring!”

“I don’t think so.”

Jester stewed in silence, seemingly stumped by his answers. This was the point in which he was supposed to ask her a question, he surmised.

“What… do you do for fun?” Essek asked her. He bookmarked his spot and put the book away, resigning himself to the conversation.

“Oh I’m so glad you asked, Essek. I like to bake, and paint, and draw, and also prank people,” she grinned. “And, I read too, you know!” She pulled out a small, thick book with a truly racy cover featuring a shirtless half orc and a half-dressed elven woman. The words “Tusk Love” adorned it in an over the top loopy script. “I have the audiobook, too, which we sometimes listen to when we’re hiking. It can get so boring out there, you know?”

“I can imagine.”

“We could listen to it together! I have splitters.” She rummaged in her bag and took out a pair of headphone splitters.

“Please, no,” Essek said. There were few things he wanted less than to listen to smut with a near-stranger in the middle of an airplane.

“Man, you’re really not giving me much to go off of here!” Jester complained.

“Ah,” Essek felt his cheeks warm. He supposed he wasn’t being the best conversationalist. “I’m sorry, I’m not,” he searched for the right words and kind of stumbled along the way. “I’m not used to, uh, friendship?” Is that what she wanted to happen here?

Jester studied his face carefully and her demeanor turned serious. He felt a pang of guilt for causing her smile to disappear.

“You know, I wasn’t either. Growing up, I didn’t have any friends except Artagan, who’s a few years older than me. Well, and Mama’s bodyguard Bluud. But, like, I didn’t really have many friends and I was alone a lot, so I think it just takes practice,” she said softly. She was surprisingly thoughtful. It caught Essek off guard and he didn’t know how to respond.

“I spent much of my childhood alone,” Essek said, in a manner as detached as he could make it. He cleared his throat. “I spend most of my time alone.”

Jester nodded. “And, it can be great! Like, that’s how I got so good at drawing and painting because I just did it all the time! But, it can be awfully lonely, too.”

This was veering into territory he’d hardly admitted to himself, much less the blue girl sitting next to him on a plane. But he thought about how for the last few months he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing from his life.

“I didn’t think so, until recently,” Essek chose his words very carefully. 

“But you’ve got us now! We’re your friends!”

“Friends,” Essek tested the word out. It felt strange. It was exciting. A little chill ran down his spine and his mind flashed to Yeza Brenatto. 

Yeza Brenatto, who he had betrayed and who was the husband of one of his new “friends.” Who they were all going to extreme lengths to save from jail time. His insides went cold.

“I mean, no pressure, but like, I’m gonna be really sad if you say I’m not your friend,” Jester pouted.

Essek forced the thoughts from his mind and chuckled. “We’re friends.”

“Great!” She beamed. Then, once again, she was digging around in her backpack. “Do you wanna see the bird’s nest orchid sketch I’m working on?”

“You draw orchids?” Essek tilted his head, curious.

“Oh my gosh, I never told you! Yeah, it’s kind of my thing. Like, I get paid for it and everything.” She pulled out a gorgeous drawing of a _Dendrobium victoriae-reginae_. The flowers looked like little stars as the blue coloring burst out of their white centers and darkened to the tips of the petals. The lines were delicate and precise. It was clear a lot of care had been put into it.

“Jester, this is very good,” Essek said in surprise. While she launched into a long and detailed explanation about the materials she was using, he watched her thoughtfully out of the corner of his eye.

“You know,” he broke in. “I am working on a book right now, about _Paphiopedilums_ , and the illustrator I hired is woefully behind schedule. Maybe,” he paused, wondering if this was a mistake, “maybe you would like to do some illustrations for it?”

Her eyes shone as she looked at him with delight. “Really? Oh, Essek I’d love to!”

“Good. Your drawings will really bring it to life,” he grinned back at her, forgetting himself in the face of her excitement.

The next three or so hours were not as unbearable as Essek had first thought they would be. Jester told him grand stories about the Mighty Nein’s adventures, doing her best to avoid mentioning the illegal parts except for in excited, conspiratorial whispers. He was sure some of it was completely made up, though Jester insisted it wasn’t. She described various people they knew, like Calianna, Twiggy, and Kiri, and how she loved that working with the Nein had allowed her to meet so many different people.

Essek told her about Rosohna and the Dynasty, because she really didn’t know much. He explained that the Bright Queen governs the country and his family is quite close with her.

“Wow, you must be so rich!” Jester said, eyes wide.

“Hah, I suppose so,” Essek said.

After a little while, Essek finally felt comfortable telling her that he’d like to read his book for the remainder of the trip. She nodded and launched enthusiastically into her drawing. Before they landed, she showed him the portrait she’d drawn of him reading and he stared at it in surprise.

“I am very impressed, truly,” he said.

“Thank you, Essek.” She beamed. “Oh, looks like we’re about to land soon. I bet Yeza is waiting for us at the airport! Awww, Veth will be so happy to see him, it’s been like three whole weeks.”

Her words faded into white noise as Essek’s heart pounded at the mention of Yeza. _Uh oh._ The unfamiliar guilt was once again prickling at his skin. As Jester smiled freely at him, it slowly dawned on him just how devastated his new friends would be if they ever found out what he’d done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments on my last chapter! I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to responding to them! Also, who knew I would ever hyperfixate on a creative endeavor this is groundbreaking
> 
> And let's make a prayer circle for Jester to message Essek tonight. I need to hear from the floaty hot boi!!


	5. Phalaenopsis parishii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caleb gets nostalgic and bold, while Essek is confused (meanwhile, Beau has a theory).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this one was kind of tough to write, hope you like it!
> 
> Idk if I need to warn for it, but they drink alcohol in this chapter!

“Yeza!” Veth threw herself at her husband, wrapped her arms around him, and dipped him into a kiss.

They had just landed in Felderwin, where Yeza and Luc had been waiting to meet them. Caleb politely averted his gaze from the kissing couple and immediately — _accidentally_ — locked eyes with Essek. The drow was cool and collected, his blank expression only a little disappointing to Caleb.

“Hi everyone! Glad to have you all back,” Yeza addressed the Mighty Nein as Veth leaned down to greet Luc.

“Yeah, we’re glad to be back,” Beau said, lightly punching him on the shoulder.

Yeza smiled wide at each of them, until his expression faltered and fell. Caleb followed his eyesight to Essek. _This must be awkward for both of them_.

“Dr. Theylss,” Yeza said.

“Mr. Brenatto.” Essek inclined his head in greeting. Caleb could feel the tension in the air thicken not just between the two of them, but from all his friends around him.

“I didn’t realize you were coming,” Yeza said, glancing at Veth. _Ah whoops_. They should have texted.

“It was a, ah, last minute decision. I’m sure the Mighty Nein have talked to you about...” Essek gestured vaguely.

“Yes, they have. Let’s not discuss that here,” Yeza said hurriedly. “I got us a taxi.” He waved them all toward the exit, nervously glancing to Essek every now and then. Caleb felt a flash of guilt in his stomach as he looked to the drow. He was having a harder time ignoring his growing feelings, but knew there was no way he’d even think about acting on them until this thing with Yeza was resolved.

Caleb, Veth, Yeza, Luc, and Beau all piled into the Brenatto’s car, while the other half of the group arranged themselves in a sizable taxi. Caleb sat squished between the five-year-old in a car seat and the always-in-his-personal-space Beau. She looked like she was puzzling something out. 

“Did you know Essek before?” Beau asked Yeza.

“Yep, we had corresponded a few times,” Yeza said tightly. “Always polite. I really can’t be angry at him. He was just doing his job.” Caleb shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t realized they knew each other before the raid.

“Right, yeah,” Beau said. She jotted something down in her notebook.”I just— I didn’t realize— had he been to your greenhouse before?”

Yeza thought for a moment. “No, I believe we only talked via email.”

“What did you guys talk about?” Beau asked, she was leaning in now, completely in Caleb’s personal space.

“Beau, we can get into the nitty gritty later,” Caleb broke in. “Let’s just rest for now. Veth and Yeza haven’t seen each other in weeks.”

She gave him a calculating look before slumping back in her seat. “Okay.”

They all arrived at the Brenatto’s house more or less at the same time. It was a modest country home on the outskirts of town with a large greenhouse in the back. The “garden” in front was overgrown, attracting all manner of small critters. To the left of the house, there were a few targets set up, crossbow bolts sticking out of them. A smile spread unbidden across Caleb’s face and he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He adored coming here. It reminded him of his home growing up, which was certainly bittersweet, but his friends never let him ponder on the bitter part for too long.

Veth and Luc ran off to the target range, as she had promised to demonstrate her skills upon returning to Felderwin. The rest of the Mighty Nein carried their bags inside, making themselves perfectly at home. Well, except Essek. Caleb was smiling at something Jester said when he noticed the elf hanging back by the door, uncertain.

“You can come in and put your stuff here for now. We’ll go to the hotel later,” Caleb said.

“Ah, thank you,” Essek said. He was awfully quiet. Usually he was fervent and inquisitive, but Caleb supposed it had mostly just been the two of them whenever they’d been together. Now, he was almost shy and clearly guarded, holding something back. Caleb suppressed the urge to touch his shoulder and encourage him to lower his walls. They weren’t there. They shouldn’t be there… _yet_.

“So, we’re going out?” Beau proposed to the group when Veth and Luc came back inside. There was a chorus of affirmations.

“I’m gonna stay here for the night, but you guys have fun,” Veth said. “And drink a lot of whiskey for me!”

“I wanna go, Mama!” Luc said, pulling on the hem of her dress.

“Well—” Veth was very nearly shrugging.

But Yeza cut in: “One day, when you’re older.”

As Caleb watched Veth cheer up a pouting Luc, he couldn’t help the disappointment that seeped shamefully into his stomach. Of course he was overjoyed that she was spending more time with her family now, but he selfishly wished she could join them at the bar tonight. Though he tried to not admit it to himself, some days he missed when it was just the two of them, even if it was the lowest point in both of their lives.

They had met in a behavioral health clinic, when she’d admitted herself for alcoholism. He’d been slowly, _slowly_ processing the trauma from working under Ikithon for six years and the resulting accident that killed both his parents. He had been hesitant to talk with, much less befriend, anyone, but Veth had a unique charm that had worked its way past his walls. Although it was a long, long time before Veth told Caleb the story of how her family had been mugged. She’d tried to protect Yeza and Luc, but gotten injured in the process. Her slow, tedious recovery had sent her into a depression that turned into alcoholism.

They were two broken people when they first met, but they’d helped put each other back together. He still had a few pieces missing, he knew, but he was proud to watch a whole Veth joke around with her family.

Quietly, and only half present, Caleb followed the rest of the Mighty Nein out the door and into the cool night.

They took a short detour to a fairly nice local hotel and dropped Essek’s things off. The drow tried his best to deflect the invitation to the bar, even turning down Jester’s puppy dog eyes, but then Caleb boldly said, “I’d really like it if you came with us, but only if you’re comfortable with it.” He’d accepted Veth staying home, but he didn’t want Essek to be absent, too.

For a moment, Caleb worried he’d overstepped, as Essek’s silver eyes bore into his own. But then Essek gave a slight nod and said, “Alright.”

From there, they decided to walk to the bar. The night was crisp and refreshing. Above them, the stars shone bright and Catha was full enough to give plenty of light to walk by. A few other, smaller groups passed them on the sidewalk.

Beau, Fjord, and Caduceus led the group (Beau was an expert at walking backwards half the time, dodging obstacles without looking, while joking with the whole group). Caleb and Yasha took the rear, sandwiching Jester and Essek in the middle. They were all talking very loudly so they could hear each other properly. Caleb noticed Essek’s long ears twitching every time someone barked in laughter.

It was awfully similar to many of his nights in college, when he, Astrid, and Eodwulf journeyed out to the local bars after long nights in the lab. They hadn’t laughed quite as much or quite as loud, though.

Caleb watched his breath puff out in front of him and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Felderwin is a one bar — two bar? — one bar town,” Beau told Essek.

“Two,” Yasha said. “There’s the nice one downtown and the weird one by the train station.”

“Oh yeah, can’t forget that one,” Beau nodded.

“The weird one by the train station?” Essek asked, quirking a brow.

“You’ll see,” Beau smirked.

“Ah, so, we’re not going to the nice one?”

“No way, have you met us?” Beau gestured to the group. Fjord shrugged. Jester pouted.

“It’s nice in its own way,” Caleb said. “They make very strong drinks. When you don’t have much money, you really need to maximize the bang for your buck.” Beau and Fjord nodded.

“Plus, they have chocolate milk!” Jester added.

Caduceus smiled, “It’s very good.”

“I can’t say that I’ve been to a bar that has chocolate milk,” Essek chuckled.

“Well did you ask?” Jester said.

“...No.”

“Then you don’t know. It would surprise you how many bars actually have chocolate milk,” she said.

Essek hummed in response. Without the sun to bother him, he was no longer wearing his usual shades, Caleb noted. His silver eyes gleamed in the moonlight as he smiled at whatever Jester was saying. Sharp fangs peaked out above his bottom lip.

She’d cornered him on the plane, Caleb knew. But it seemed Jester and Essek had come out of the flight friends rather than disappointed and annoyed, respectively. He was happy to see it, though he supposed only the coldest of hearts could resist Jester.

After about 25 minutes or so, they reached their destination. The bar’s exterior was glowing with the lights of dozens of different signs and holiday decorations. Inside and out there were strange animatronic beasts and plastic creatures. A handful of pinball machines and arcade games lined the walls. Several people were inside, kicking off their Saturday night. It was a unique place, but it served them well whenever they stayed in Felderwin.

Essek looked alarmed, to put it mildly. Caleb joined him on his other side, giving him a reassuring smile.

“This is not what I expected,” Essek said, not unhappily.

“We said it was weird,” Beau shrugged and pushed the door open. Lights, color, and popping arcade sounds washed over them as they stepped inside.

“Oh my gosh! They serve milkshakes now!” Jester exclaimed, looking over the menu. Technically, they were boozy milkshakes, but she and Caduceus just ordered them without the alcohol. Yasha got one with.

Essek looked quizzically over the menu, then asked the bartender, “Ah, are these the only wine options you have?”

“What you see is what we’ve got.”

“I see. I’ll have the red,” he said, defeated. There were two options: a shitty red and a shitty white.

Caleb, Beau, and Fjord all got the weird but fun fruity cocktails the place was known for. They gathered their drinks and proceeded to stuff themselves in a large booth. Caleb let Essek have the outermost seat next to him and Essek gave him a grateful look. However, he couldn’t help but notice Essek carefully keeping an inch or two between them, despite being half out of the booth.

“You can scoot in closer if you want to,” Caleb said low, so only Essek could hear. “I think you are near to falling off.”

“Of course,” Essek muttered and inched closer until their thighs and shoulders barely touched. He was warm against Caleb, but stiff as a board. The soft press against his side was quickly the only thing Caleb could think about as he nervously sipped his drink.

“So,” Essek cleared his throat. “How did you all meet?”

Around the table, the Mighty Nein grinned and chuckled.

“Most of us were at this orchid convention,” Beau started. “I was there cause I judge the competitions sometimes. Jester was there to promote her illustrations. Yasha and our friend Molly were there promoting their business guiding people on expeditions. Caleb and Veth… well,” Beau paused, uncertainly looking to Caleb for direction.

Caleb inhaled long and slow. Did he really want to tell Essek what he and Veth had been doing? He supposed Essek already knew they were technically criminals. He took the plunge.

“Veth and I were there to… steal pollen,” Caleb rubbed his neck nervously, trying to gauge Essek’s expression. “It was our side hustle, we would steal the pollen from some of the winning plants and sell it on the side.”

“It’s really funny cause I used to do the same thing,” Beau said, laughing. “While I was judging, I would take the pollen right off the winning flower and turn around and sell it to the owner of the losing orchid. They always bought it. Every. Single. Time.”

After a surprised “oh” from Essek and an incredulous look crossed his face, Caleb followed up saying, “But we don’t do that anymore.”

“Who am I to judge?” Essek asked as he sipped his drink. He made a face, clearly judging it.

“So anyway,” Jester continued. “We all met at the local bar after one of the days was over and Yasha and Molly told us about their expedition business and it sounded _so_ exciting and I had been wanting to, y’know, get out and travel more, so I was like ‘omg can I join you?’ and they were like ‘yes, we’d love that so much!’ Isn’t that right, Yasha?”

“Yup, we were very excited.”

“And then Beau caught Caleb and Veth totally trying to steal some pollen, so they were kind of like, ‘maybe we need to find a new way of making money.’ And Beau was soooo bored with her job and stuff so she came, too!” Jester finished.

“I mean, that kind of oversimplifies it, but I guess, yeah,” Beau said. Caleb watched her sneaking glances at Yasha.

“This Molly…?” Essek asked.

“He died. On one of our trips,” Beau said. She was staring into her drink now.

“Ah, I’m sorry.” Essek shifted uncomfortably.

Beau shrugged. Caleb went for his drink, then, on impulse, raised it to the table.

“To Molly,” he said.

“To Molly!” the others echoed as they bumped glasses. Essek joined in, polite and quiet. A few moments of slightly awkward, but also fond, nostalgic silence passed. Caleb felt his drink start to warm his cheeks and soften his mind.

“Fjord? Caduceus? How did you both come into it?” Essek broke the quiet.

“I was, uh, a boatman,” Fjord said. “I’m from Port Damali, but I’d gotten antsy there and ended up working on a small boat, taking tourists and visitors between the remote islands in the Lucidian. One day these assholes showed up and, well, I couldn’t go back.”

A smile twitched at the corner of Caleb’s mouth at the memory of them all piling into Fjord’s small boat. They’d nearly capsized it in their enthusiasm and Fjord had been absolutely flabbergasted at the idea that a flower could be illegal. At that point, the group had already taken a few scientists on official research expeditions, but when they met Fjord, it was their first time doing any illicit collecting.

The trip had been a mess through the jungle. While collecting _Phalaenopsis parishii_ , Veth had ruined the roots on a few specimens with her enthusiasm. Caleb and Beau had argued extensively about which other species to bring back. Molly had plucked rare blooms and stuck them in his hair. Yasha had gotten sick with a fever. Caleb could only vaguely remember his unpleasant tumble down a ravine that left him unconscious and at the mercy of these people he’d barely just met. Luckily, Jester knew a thing or two about emergency medical care and helped him recover, though she complained about it loudly.

But, against all odds, they’d come out of it a stronger team than a weaker one. When they had recounted their exploits to Fjord on the way back, Jester asked him on a whim if he wanted to come with them. She could tell he was bored out of his mind and just itching for adventure. What they hadn’t realized at that point was the massive debt Fjord was in for some old medical bills. Even on their most recent trips, they were still running from Uk’otoa’s alarmingly violent debt collectors.

Despite the fun and hijinks, it had been incredibly difficult to adjust to working and living with all of them. Caleb had almost called it quits multiple times, but Veth had reminded him that they needed the money and this was their best bet.

“My family owns an orchid business,” Caduceus said. “We grow them, breed them, and sell them. When those new regulations were put into place, suddenly we couldn’t own or sell half the plants we had.” He furrowed his brow at the memory. “So, when I met the Mighty Nein, they helped us work around the new rules.”

“Ah, it seems you all are very good at working around the rules, hm?” Essek asked lightly. He seemed unphased by his drink, but Caleb felt his body loosen slightly next to him as the conversation continued.

When the others got wrapped up in making fun of each other and telling ridiculous stories, Caleb turned to Essek and said, “You’ve almost finished your drink. I didn’t think you were enjoying it.”

“It’s terrible,” Essek said, straightfaced, though his eyes betrayed his amusement.

“You should get one of these,” Caleb held up his own. It was more than half empty. A beat later, he realized that he wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping Essek at arm’s length, like he’d intended to.

Essek raised an eyebrow. 

In fact, Essek was very much within arm’s reach. Caleb hadn’t stopped thinking about Essek’s arm against his own.

“They have a lot of alcohol in them,” Caleb added.

“You make quite an argument,” Essek laughed.

“Come, I’ll get you one,” Caleb gestured to the bar. Essek got up and Caleb followed him. Through the fuzz creeping into his head, he thought briefly about grabbing Essek’s hand, but squashed the idea and instead considered getting a glass of water.

As they waited for Essek’s drink, Caleb waved toward the arcade machines and asked, “Have you ever played before?”

“No, I’m not familiar,” Essek said.

Caleb handed him the cocktail. It had a little pink parasol in it.

“Would you like to try?”

“...Sure.”

They made their way through the bar’s small crowd to one of the pinball machines called The Nightmare in Ivory. Its artwork featured an angry white dragon staring down at them. Caleb popped in a few coins. “How’s your drink?” he asked.

“It’s, ah, very strong and yet very sweet,” Essek said, furrowing his brow. Caleb huffed a laugh.

“Just keep your eye on the ball, and hit the flippers, like so.” Caleb felt Essek hovering over his left elbow as he tried to focus on playing the game. He managed to hit the white dragon figure several times before the ball veered too far to the right and slid out of reach. 

“Scheisse!” Caleb turned and found Essek watching the game with the same expression of absolute focus and puzzle-solving he’d seen in the lab. “Your turn.” Caleb’s keen mind was much too aware of the very short distance between them as they moved around each other.

Essek held out his drink, “Do you mind?” Caleb took it and brushed Essek’s fingers with his own in the process. The touch sent a nervous energy running up his arm. Through his buzz, he wasn’t sure if he’d done that on purpose or on accident. His cheeks flushed and he hurried to explain the game to Essek.

“I apologize if I’m not much of a competitor,” Essek said as he studied the machine before him. He was putting in more effort into preparing for his turn than anyone Caleb had ever played with. Essek even read the description on the side that detailed the skill shot and other various aspects of the game. After careful analysis of the different lights and shots on the board, and a few questions for Caleb, Essek pulled back the plunger and the ball was off!

He was terrific at pinball.

It almost seemed like Essek was manipulating the gravity surrounding the ball, he was so skilled at getting it to go where he wanted. With singular focus on each of the goals the game presented him with, he passed each one expertly. Caleb watched a smile spread on the drow’s lips as he shot ball after ball at the white dragon. It hissed and retreated in defeat. Eventually, though, the ball slipped from Essek’s careful grasp and rolled out of sight.

Essek stared at the screen as his points tallied up.

“Is that low or high?” He asked, innocently. He’d just watched Caleb play, so he must have had some idea of how well he did.

“Uh, ja, very high. I think you’re fairly close to the high score and that was just your first ball.”

By the time Caleb was done with his third ball, he was laughably far from Essek’s score. His total wasn’t even that bad, but Essek was a true pinball wizard. Now, it was time for Essek to make it onto the scoreboard.

As Caleb took Essek’s very nearly empty drink back, the drow lingered longer than necessary before pulling his hand away. Caleb's heart pounded as his eyes met Essek’s. The flashing lights around them played bright blues and greens across Essek’s gray skin and cast his light colored eyes in a constantly changing rainbow. Caleb swallowed nervously. A smug expression crossed Essek’s face before he turned to the machine.

In Caleb’s still somewhat hazy state, it was easy to just let himself admire Essek. He knew why he normally tried not to, but those reasons felt distant and unimportant. Ignoring them was like swatting lazy butterflies as opposed to buzzing flies.

They had only known each other a short time, really, but Caleb felt a kinship with Essek that he didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Astrid and Eodwulf had been intelligent, driven research partners to him, but there was always an underlying competition between the three of them that never let Caleb truly enjoy their time in the lab together.

But Essek was open and eager to collaborate. He may put up a guarded front at first, but it only took a small push from Caleb to get him excitedly discussing his theories. Not to mention that Essek had wholeheartedly included Caleb in describing the new species, something Ikithon had explicitly taught them not to do.

A loud _pop_ came from the machine, startling Caleb out of his reverie.

“You got a free game,” Caleb said. Essek flashed his fangs in a grin.

As his last ball finally dropped off the board, Essek watched the screen with narrowed eyes. He didn’t quite make it to the top of the scoreboard, but got a solid third. With prompting from Caleb, he entered his initials.

“Hmm. Maybe I can beat you in the next one,” Caleb challenged.

“Hah! I’d like to see you try.” Essek was smug as hell for someone who’d only played his first game. But, with a glance at his score, Caleb really couldn’t blame him.

“Beginner’s luck,” Caleb muttered and started his turn.

***

Essek beat Caleb two more times before Beau showed up and announced they were all leaving.

“He’s ridiculously good at this game,” a deeply flushed Caleb told Beau in disbelief as they followed her out. Essek didn’t try to hide his smirk. After months of struggling in a web of his own making, it felt good to have a simple win. He’d never before considered arcade games a particularly useful skill, but seeing Caleb’s challenging grin while they played certainly changed his mind.

 _Ah_ , his mind flashed back to Jester’s endless questions on the plane. Perhaps this was what he did for fun.

All around, it had been an unexpected night. Essek had been fully prepared to just go to his hotel room, spend a few hours prepping his story, and then trance until morning. But… it had been awhile since he’d gone out on a social excursion that wasn’t rife with family and politics. Essek was letting himself relax inch by inch around these new _friends_ of his (although the more he relaxed, the more guilty he felt).

As they were leaving, Caleb made a soft “ah!” and grabbed the little umbrella out of Essek’s empty drink.

“For your sensitive eyes,” Caleb said, blue eyes shining in amusement. Essek stared down at the little trinket. While the logical side of his brain wondered what on Exandria he was supposed to do with it, the slightly tipsy side felt a rush of emotion that left him momentarily speechless.

“Thank you,” he said, but as he was just about to reach for it, Caleb tucked it behind one of Essek’s long ears.

Caleb proceeded to freeze, somehow get even redder, and then whipped around to follow Beau to the door. Essek found he couldn’t move, as he just stared after the redhead in complete bewilderment. It was like gravity had suddenly grown ten times stronger and rooted him to the spot. A blush crept across his cheeks and an unfamiliar fluttering sensation filled his stomach. Eventually, he unstuck his feet and left the bar to catch up with the Mighty Nein.

Essek had been uncertain what to say to Caleb all day, as they traveled from Rosohna to Felderwin. After the man had abruptly left his lab a few days ago, Essek had thought he’d somehow offended him. It had been a welcome buffer to have Jester walk next to him earlier in the night, as he wasn’t sure what Caleb would have said if they’d been stuck together. But then, inexplicably, Caleb had invited Essek to sit next to him. And then bought him a drink. And then played games with him. And then tucked a little parasol behind his ear. Caleb wouldn’t have done all that if he’d been upset with Essek, right?

As Essek trailed behind the boisterous Nein, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Caleb. _Is this a… crush?_ Essek wondered to himself. While he didn’t have many friends growing up, he had often overheard his classmates talking about who they thought was cute and who they liked. It was only in brief snatches of conversation, when they didn’t think anyone could hear. Verin was the only one who ever purposefully talked to Essek about this sort of thing.

When his brother was young he would tell Essek all about the girls and boys he had crushes on. Verin would chatter on and on while Essek tuned him out in favor of studying. Essek never really understood what he was talking about. On one occasion, though, his curiosity won out and he asked Verin what he meant and why he had “feelings” for these other kids. “Don’t you have a crush on anyone?” Verin had asked him. “No?” Essek had responded, wondering why Verin seemed so confused by this. “You’re lying!” Verin had declared. Essek had tried to convince him that wasn’t the case, but the more he denied it, the more Verin insisted that he was just hiding his feelings.

“C’mon Essek, don’t be so slow!” Jester called back to him.

“I’ll go at my own pace, thank you,” he said, but sped up anyway.

As he fell in step next to Jester, he could hardly listen to her as his mind just roiled with these newfound _feelings_. What did one do when they had a crush? Did it always leave an uncomfortable feeling in the stomach? Did Caleb feel the same way whenever Essek looked at him?

Essek chanced a glance at Caleb and their eyes met. Instantly, his heart rate increased and his stomach flipped.

Light, this was the _worst_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some parts of their backstories are hard to translate to a modern AU, so I did my best with Veth
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


	6. Paphiopedilum bellatulum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek lies, and lies, and lies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, we had our fun last chapter
> 
> This chapter I recommend a song on my playlists for both my D&D character and Essek: "Liar" by The Arcadian Wild (because apparently I have a Type)

“I made a mistake.” Essek had to force the words out of his mouth as he practiced in front of the mirror. It was still fairly early in the morning and he was thankful for the hotel room’s tightly drawn, thick curtains.

“I misidentified the orchids. They were not— rather, I didn’t, uh, know…” he trailed off. This was ridiculous. Every corner of his brain screamed at him to not admit to a mistake he didn’t make. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

As he glanced down, his eyes landed on a small container sitting on the desk. He picked up the preserved specimen of the new species’ flower and rolled it around in his hand, inspecting its delicate blooms.

A knock on the door drew him out of his thoughts.

After a peek through the peephole, Essek opened the door. 

Caleb was alone and holding two coffee cups. He wore a cream colored cable knit sweater under a brown bomber jacket lined with faux fur. A blue scarf wrapped around his neck and his hair was a little windblown. Essek had never before noticed the smattering of freckles that adorned his face like a starry night sky far outside the reach of city lights. His blue eyes were bright and only betrayed the slightest hesitance.

“Caleb, ah, come in,” Essek said after a brief pause. “I was just thinking on what to say later today.”

As Caleb walked past Essek, the drow’s senses filled with the unmistakable refreshing smell of cold outside air. He wondered if Caleb’s skin would be cold if he touched him.

“Hello,” Caleb said and handed him one of the cups. “I hope you are not hungover?”

“No. I’m fine,” Essek said. Was the pink on Caleb’s cheeks from the chilly air? “But you really don’t have to keep buying me drinks. I’ve already agreed to talk to the judge.”

“Well, next time, you can treat me, ja?”

Essek sipped his drink and felt the pleasant scent of earl grey wash over him.

“Next time,” he agreed.

“So, what have you got so far?” Caleb leaned against the desk and sipped his coffee. Essek felt a blush creep up his neck as Caleb looked at him very intently. He really didn’t have much to show the man.

“I, uh, am going to say I was very tired after a long night working. Maybe I realized I need glasses?” Absentmindedly, Essek picked up the little parasol that had been resting on his nightstand and twirled it in his hands. As soon as Caleb’s eyes darted down to it, he realized with a start what he’d been doing. Quickly, Essek put it back.

“Ja, we could probably get you a pair of frames to wear, if you want?” Caleb said. “Sounds like Jester is rubbing off on you, hm?”

Essek quirked an eyebrow.

“She is quite the prankster,” Caleb shrugged.

“She is… something,” Essek chuckled. They fell into a companionable, if slightly awkward silence. He didn’t know what to make of Caleb. Was this flirting? Had he been flirting all last night? Essek really didn’t have enough experience to know. For a moment, he wished he were on better terms with Verin so he could text his brother and ask.

“So, do you all live in Felderwin with Veth?” Essek pushed away the newfound nerves and instead asked a question he’d been pondering.

“No, we travel so much. Most of us don’t really have permanent homes,” Caleb trailed off. “Ah, usually we’ll stay with Yeza or with Jester’s mom in Nicodranas.” The name Yeza prickled at the back of Essek’s neck.

“Are you close with him?”

“Hmm?”

“Yeza.”

“Oh, uh,” Caleb rubbed his neck. “He’s a good man. I didn’t meet him until a while after Veth and I became friends, but he’s a loving husband and father. I don’t know what we would do if… Veth and Luc would be devastated if he went to prison.”

 _Devastated_. The word echoed around in Essek’s suddenly quite empty brain. _Would you be devastated, Caleb?_ he wondered. But Essek had excellent composure. He didn’t let any conflict show on his features.

“But you know him, don’t you?” Caleb asked. Again, Essek fought to keep his expression smooth and forced himself to meet the other man’s eyes. Yeza must have told them, then.

“Yes, we’ve had some correspondence. My job requires me to converse with many people in the field. But, uh, we never had a personal relationship,” Essek said. He mentally skirted around all the lies that immediately tried to tumble out of his mouth. _I’d never talked to him before. I hadn’t even heard of him before the Assembly asked me to come here. I didn’t know he had those illegal plants. I wasn’t the one who turned him in._

Essek had always been confident in his ability to lie. He could count on himself in almost every situation, as he prepared and planned ahead for everything. He lied to his mother every time he saw her, pretending to worship her god. The Bright Queen would never have approved of his appointment to Key Gardens if she knew his true thoughts on the Luxon.

When he was very young, he’d questioned Deirta when they prayed over meals and when they went to religious ceremonies and gatherings. _Have you ever seen the Luxon? How do you know it exists? Why do you pray to it?_ But after receiving biting replies and refusals to entertain his questions, Essek learned that his life flowed much smoother when he simply pretended to be like the rest of them. Those must have been the first lies he’d ever told. From there, it came naturally to him, just as easy as science and mathematics.

As a teenager, he went through a phase of lying to Verin just because he could. It was a game he played when he was bored. _She said she likes you back. Father said he was ashamed of you._ _There’s a massive spider in your bed._ If Essek ever bothered to ponder it, he’d realize it was probably one of the (many) things that led to their estrangement.

Once he went beyond just lying to his family, Essek quickly learned that if he used enough confidence and a smug smile, he could get anyone to believe what he said. But he always did it with careful consideration beforehand.

Now, his brain was muddled with _feelings_. How was he supposed to speak carefully around his involvement with Yeza’s arrest when Caleb was looking at him like that? Even worse, when he knew what he’d done would most likely hurt this burgeoning relationship between them. The pressure was on to keep his mouth shut. _Keep it together, Thelyss._ _Get through today and what you did won’t matter anymore._

(He successfully ignored the small part of his brain that insisted it wasn’t a good outcome to have this lie hanging over them indefinitely.)

“Right, of course,” Caleb said. “Are you ready to go? I think the rest of the Mighty Nein would like to weigh in before your appointment with the judge.”

Essek swallowed. “I’m ready.”

***

Essek hadn’t prepared this much for the court cases that he had actually testified in. Usually, he waved off the prosecution’s attempt to coach him and just went in and talked about orchids like it was the easiest thing in the world (which, of course, it was).

But today, he’d spent hours in the Brenatto’s living room, coming up with a script and taking pointers from the Mighty Nein. Jester and Caduceus went on a quick shopping trip to a local second-hand store and brought back a pair of glasses for him. Beauregard gave him tips on how to lie to the judge and Essek had to keep himself from rolling his eyes and saying, “I know how to do this, thank you very much.”

Yeza, well, he sat quietly off to the side for part of the time. He busied himself with preparing lunch and keeping Luc out of the way. Essek tried to strike the right balance of paying attention to him, but not too much to draw suspicion.

“Ugh!” Jester exclaimed in anguish after they’d finished rehashing Essek’s story for the fourth time. “This had better work! Yeza doesn’t deserve to go to prison or pay stupidly huge fines.” She lay her head on the back of her chair and stared at the ceiling. “How did this even happen in the first place??” she said, high pitched and incredulous.

“The Assembly got wind of your collection somehow,” Fjord said, and everyone looked at Yeza as he placed a veggie plate between them. Essek stayed absolutely silent.

“Someone must have ratted on you,” Beau said, reaching for a cucumber slice.

Yeza sighed. “I don’t know what happened. I should have been more careful.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Veth said, stubbornly. “Some asshole took advantage of you.”

Essek sipped his water and carefully assembled the sentence in his head before saying, “I have met some real assholes in the field.”

Caleb nodded and shot him a sympathetic look. Essek wondered what expression Caleb would give him if he knew the truth.

“Gosh, this had better work!” Jester said again.

“It will,” Essek said, convincing himself as much as her. And, before the conversation could continue, he began rehearsing his story again.

At some point, his phone buzzed with an email notification and he glanced at it to find Ludinus Da’leth’s name blaring across the screen. Heart pounding, Essek excused himself for a moment and snuck outside to read it. It had been two weeks or so since he’d last emailed the man.

> _Subject: Any news?_
> 
> _Ludinus Da’leth <ludinusdaleth@thecerberusassembly.org> _
> 
> _Thelyss,_
> 
> _My patience is running thin. Do you want us to shut down your lab?_
> 
> _Warm regards,_
> 
> _Ludinus Da’leth_

Essek sucked in a breath and braced himself against the brick wall behind him. Every second thought and anxiety he’d been stubbornly shutting out came crashing into his mind: This was foolish. He shouldn’t be here. As soon as Yeza’s case was thrown out, the power would be cut to his lab. _What a fool he had been to come down this road with the Mighty Nein._ He should have told them to get out of the Gardens that day they’d cornered him.

He shoved his phone back in his coat pocket and hit his fingers against the small jar resting there. He pulled it out and stared at the strange beige flowers. _Was it worth it?_

“Ah, Essek?” Caleb asked, poking his head out the side door. “Are you alright?” For the second time that day, Caleb interrupted Essek’s anxious contemplation.

Essek straightened himself a little too quickly. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

Caleb shrugged. “You left in a hurry.” Essek tried not to think too hard about why Caleb was worried for him.

“I’m just gathering my thoughts.”

Tentatively, Caleb reached out and put his hand on Essek’s forearm. “Thank you, Essek. It means a lot that you’re doing this. You’ll do great in there.”

Essek’s eyes flicked down to Caleb’s hand as his breath caught in his throat.

“I knew it was a good idea to reach out to you,” Caleb said.

But suddenly all Essek could think about was how Caleb had purposefully befriended him just to put Essek in this uncomfortable position. He pulled his arm out of Caleb’s grasp and composed his usual aloof expression.

“I’d better head out soon,” Essek said, coolly. It was too late to go back on his word now, but if he could just finish this day, then he was sure he could figure out the rest after. He slipped around Caleb and went back into the house. But as he was on his way to join the others, he paused near the guest room.

 _Maybe there’s information on their clients in there_. 

He glanced around. There was no one nearby. Laughter alerted him that the Nein were still in the other half of the house. His stomach twisted as he quietly pushed the door open.

He looked for the bag most likely to be Beau’s, as he’d seen her often carrying a notebook, and his eyes landed on a blue backpack. Without breathing, he unzipped the pack and found several different notebooks stored inside, nestled among some scientific equipment and a sweatshirt. He pulled one out and flipped through the pages, looking for names or records. The scribbled name of _Yussa Errenis_ and a list of orchid species next to it made him pause. Promptly, he closed the book and slid it back in place. He was halfway across the room when the door banged open and Jester appeared in front of him.

“Essek! Don’t you have to go soon?”

“Yeah, I, uh, was just looking for some… Tums?” he said faintly. “I thought there might be a bathroom in here, but ah, I suppose there isn’t.”

“Oh you’re nervous huh? Don’t worry, I have some right here.” She grabbed her pink bag, pulled out a container, and handed it to him.

“Th-thank you,” he stuttered and popped one in his mouth.

“Oh you always have to take two. One never works.”

“Right,” he popped another one in and grimaced at the chalky texture.

“Was that all you needed?” She asked. She was still smiling but Essek could have sworn she was studying him intently.

“Yes, I’m going to leave now. I’ll, uh, let you know how it goes, later, I suppose.” He was rushing out the door at this point.

“Essek.” Jester put her hand on his shoulder as he passed by. He flinched at the touch and could barely contain the grimace that flashed across his face. Jester jerked her hand back. “Thank you, for doing this. I think it’s really awesome you’re willing to take this risk for Yeza. We all appreciate it, like, A LOT. I think you’re a pretty awesome friend, you know?” She smiled tentatively and he found it very hard to breathe.

“Yes, well, nothing I do is safe.” He gave a small wave and slipped out the door. He breezed through the rest of the house in a haze, making vague goodbyes to the others.

By the time he got outside, he realized he’d forgotten to call a taxi. Instead of waiting near the house, he just started walking down the road and called one to pick him up on the way.

***

“You’re rescinding your statement?” The judge asked him in surprise. She was a stocky halfling in her 50s, perhaps, with a stern face and impatient attitude. Essek hoped the latter would aid him in his goal.

“It’s hard to admit it, but I made a mistake. I misidentified the orchids in Brenatto’s greenhouse. It’s embarrassing really,” Essek chuckled, like he’d planned. “I had been working very late into the night before flying here, then combined with the time difference, I was very tired. I was not at, uh, peak performance, as you’d say.” His mouth felt dry as he lied through his teeth.

“And since then,” here he pointedly touched his glasses, “I found I was in dire need of a pair of glasses. But, anyway, I was recently looking at some photos of what I thought was in Brenatto’s greenhouse when I realized they weren’t the same species at all.”

She raised her eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

“To the untrained eye, or even just a tired one,” he gave another smile in an attempt to make her think they were in on a joke together, “many species of the genus _Paphiopedilum_ look similar to one another. But if you carefully compare their labellum and staminodes, as well as their colors and petal shapes of course, you’ll find that there are quite a few minute differences that differentiate one species from another.

“For example, _P. concolor_ and _P. bellatulum_ are both light colored with dark speckles adorning their flowers, but _P. bellatulum_ has a larger labellum in comparison to its petals, which also droop at a different angle than _P. concolor’s._ Then, there’s the matter of dorsal sepals—”

“I think I get the idea.” She interrupted him, just as he’d hoped she would (not that he couldn’t have kept talking about the physical variations in the _Paphiopedilum_ genus).

“Ah, right. Well, I do not want Mr. Brenatto to be charged with a crime he didn’t commit. I plan to make it up to him after I’m done here.”

“So you won’t be testifying then?” She definitely looked like she wanted this conversation to be over.

“No, Mr. Brenatto didn’t have any illegal species on his property.” He almost wished that were true.

“Hm. I will have to review the details of the case before I make any decisions.” She noted something down on the papers before her. “Is there anything else?”

“Yes, one more thing. I’m, uh, prominent in the orchid field, as I’m sure you know, and I really wouldn’t want this one bad day to reflect poorly on my professional career. I have my glasses now, after all,” he smiled and tapped the frames, “So I won’t be making the same mistake twice.” He paused, trying to gauge her expression. “I was hoping you could keep this between us.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she said and pointedly looked to the door.

“Thank you.” Essek nodded and then, hoping he’d convinced her, awkwardly walked out the door.

He didn’t bother going to the Brenatto house. Instead, he picked up his things from the hotel and went straight to the airport. There, he sent a text to Jester.

> _4:36 pm Essek Thelyss: The judge seemed amicable enough. I’m sure Yeza will hear back soon. I’m on my way back to Rosohna, there’s urgent business I need to attend to._

He didn’t look for a reply before getting on the plane, but instead wrapped his fingers tightly around the specimen jar in his pocket.


	7. Encyclia microbulbon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Caleb is melancholy then bold, Essek is smug then flustered, and we all learn a little bit more about weird orchid shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, folks, it's Hozier time. We're bringing back 'Talk' and now one of my absolute favorite songs, 'From Eden.' Throw a little 'Would That I' in there. If you're looking for Essek/Shadowgast/Caleb songs to listen to while reading that is.

“Essek texted!” Jester was full of excitement, but her tone faded to a disappointed whine as she kept talking: “He said Yeza should hear back soon and that he’s already going back to Rosohna. You guys, I thought he’d at least stay the rest of the night.” Caleb paused his reading to listen. _Essek had left already? He hadn’t even said goodbye._

The afternoon’s clumsy attempt at flirting flashed through Caleb’s mind and he grimaced.

“I’m sure he’s a busy guy, Jester. He did come here on very short notice,” Fjord tried to reassure her.

“I know, but we really bonded on the plane! We’re like best friends now, so I thought he’d want to stick around and have dinner or something.” She slumped in her chair and stared at her phone. After a glum moment, she started typing out a response.

“I know you think he’s cool and all, but something about him doesn’t add up,” Beau said. She was leaning back in her seat and fiddling with a pencil. As she shifted forward, she lowered her voice. “Yeza showed me some of their emails and Essek _knew_ about the species in the greenhouse. Hell, Yeza had even lent him a few specimens that were, you know, _off the books_.”

 _Essek had what?_ Caleb blinked in surprise and his book fell closed with a smack. He hadn’t mentioned that.

“To be fair, Yeza has lent plants to several researchers. Any one of them could have ratted him out,” Fjord pointed out.

Beau tapped her pencil against her notebook. “I looked up some of the other orchid raids from this past year. I wanna go talk to them, find out if they know him, too.” Her eyes settled on Caleb and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

“Best to cover our bases,” Caleb muttered. He rubbed his arms absentmindedly, then paused and stared at his hand on his forearm. With a pang, he wondered if he’d judged Essek’s feelings wrong.

“You’ve spent a lot of time with him, Caleb, what do you think?” Yasha asked. She eyed him with a knowing look. He wasn’t sure what she thought she knew because he really wasn’t sure what there was to know... yet.

“He is smart and driven,” Caleb shrugged. “If he had a good enough reason, if he was getting something out of it, ja, maybe it was him.” Caleb really hoped it wasn’t. “But he’s not needlessly cruel.”

“Oh my gosh Caleb, do you have a crush on him??” Jester leaned on his arm and practically bounced up and down, the bells on her horns jingling in delight.

“Hm. I don’t believe that’s what I said.” He was nowhere near ready to go down that line of questioning. She wasn’t _wrong_ , but he wasn’t exactly jumping to talk about it. He’d had a hard enough time getting used to the casual intimacy and love between the Mighty Nein. Now, with Essek, he was easing himself into the idea of going a step further.

“If he is the one that told the Assembly about Yeza, then it seems he’s correcting his own mistake,” Caduceus said.

“Even when Yeza’s case is thrown out, the mistake won’t be corrected,” Veth hissed as she narrowed her eyes. “We lost thousands of plants and Yeza had to spend a night in jail! My son was taken to the neighbor’s for fuck’s sake.” Belatedly, she glanced around to make sure Luc wasn’t in the room.

“I think we’ll find whoever tattled on Yeza is wrapped up in this poorly governed system just as much as we are,” Caduceus said, sipping his tea. Yasha nodded in agreement.

Caleb took a deep breath as the memory of sabotaging a colleague’s years’ long experiment came to the forefront of his mind. Ikithon had been so convincing when he told him the only way to get ahead was to drag everyone else down around him. Guilt prickled at him, regardless.

He mostly kept quiet as the others went back and forth for a while, debating who was most likely to have betrayed Yeza and what they would do when they found out who it was. He was grateful when Frumpkin leaped into his lap, apparently sensing his anxiety. The cat’s purring soothed him as he tuned everything else out and focused on the soft fur between his fingers.

“Caleb?”

The small, high-pitched voice of Veth came from somewhere to his left.

“Mm, ja?”

“Are you alright?” She was looking at him with wide, brown eyes full of concern. The others had quieted and were staring at him, too.

He furrowed his brow, unsure how to respond. “This is just bringing up a lot of memories.”

Veth slipped her hand into his and squeezed.

“We’re here for you, always.” For a moment, he was back in the center, sitting on his plain, uncomfortable bed, with Veth standing beside him and holding his hand. But her eyes were brighter now and the dark circles were gone.

“Thank you,” he murmured, looking around at all of them.

The conversation slipped away and moved on to dinner. As he ate, Caleb wondered what it would have been like to have someone different as his advisor. Someone who didn’t purposefully close him off from every other scientist in the field but the two classmates he was trapped with. Someone who didn’t manipulate mercilessly, telling him that there was no other path to success but through the long, overworked nights and the cold, ruthless competition. He wondered what Essek was like as an advisor. He certainly seemed the overworking, competitive type, yet different in a way Caleb wasn’t sure he could name.

Caleb tapped his fingers against his arm, considering the drow. He still wasn’t sure what to make of Essek but could not deny the fact that he was eager to talk to him again. He mustered as much bravery as he could, and as they were cleaning up, pulled Jester aside.

“I was wondering…” Caleb steeled himself for whatever ridiculous, salacious comment or gesture she would make. “If I could get Essek’s phone number from you?”

Jester’s eyes lit up. “Of course!” She pulled out her pink phone and sent a text to Caleb, but surprisingly didn’t say anything else.

“Thank you,” he said, and was about to turn away when she stopped him.

“Caleb, I saw him in the guest room earlier. He said he was looking for something for his nerves, or whatever, but I don’t know, he seemed a little weird about it. It’s probably nothing, though, right?” she said, biting her lip uncertainly.

“Ja, I’m sure it was nothing,” Caleb said. She shot him a sparkling smile and skipped off to join Beau and Veth’s card game. He stared down at his phone for a moment, then slipped off to the guest room. He sat on the bed and burned Essek’s contact information into his mind as he debated what to say or if he should say anything at all.

***

Essek didn’t go to Rosohna. On an uncharacteristic whim, he’d bought a ticket to Rexxentrum, instead.

Now, he was sitting in a different hotel room (he’d opted for a suite), trying to create a plan out of his impulsive decision.

_Yussa Errenis_

Essek typed the name into his search engine as he relaxed on the couch with a glass of (excellent, expensive) red wine. The wild-collected orchid specimen rested on the coffee table nearby. 

After a brief search, he learned that Errenis was a wealthy orchid researcher living in Nicodranas. It occurred to Essek that he’d heard the name a handful of times previously, but had never spoken with the other scientist, who was extremely reclusive. Sure, Essek spent most of his time in solitude and didn’t particularly relish being around anyone else, but the exception to that rule was like-minded people. It wasn’t his fault the Dynasty lacked anyone interesting enough to make him want to go to dinner parties.

Errenis, however, secluded himself in his lab and published papers with no one else’s names attached to them. Essek rolled his eyes at the arrogance.

He opened his email and began composing a reply to Da’leth:

> _Subject: Any News?_
> 
> _Essek Thelyss <essekthelyss@royalbotanicgardens.org> _
> 
> _Da’leth,_

He stared at the empty space, then glanced at the specimen on the table.

This hesitation was new. He hadn’t been concerned about sending tips previously. 

Essek tapped his fingers across his laptop’s keys and let out a breath he’d been holding. He took a long drink.

He couldn’t fool himself any longer. He knew exactly why he’d come to Rexxentrum and why he wasn’t planning on sending Yussa Errenis’s name to the Assembly.

Ever since he’d gotten Da’leth’s email the previous day, his mind had been racing with how to deal with the problem. He’d considered asking the Dynasty for more funding for the Botanical Gardens and hiding the fact that he was going to use it for his private lab. Then, after learning that Errenis was extraordinarily wealthy, he’d briefly pondered asking the Mighty Nein to arrange a meeting so he could petition the man for funds. Neither seemed to have a high chance of working.

Ultimately, he’d come to Rexxentrum to solve this problem (without betraying the Mighty Nein).

 _They, well, ugh._ He wasn’t sure he could even put into words why he didn’t want to “betray” them. But Essek felt a pang of guilt every time he considered taking the easy route of simply emailing Da’leth. Their desperation and dismay over Yeza’s arrest left a bad taste in his mouth and he squirmed at the idea of them finding out he’d done this before meeting them, much less after (and by taking advantage of them).

His mind lingered on the night at the bar. He couldn’t help the way his lips twitched upward as he remembered their strange antics. Never in his life had he thought he’d befriend someone like Jester. She was loud and candid, unafraid to ask any number of questions. But she showed a genuine interest in him and openness that he’d never seen before.

Beau was brash, Yasha was quietly intimidating, Caduceus was gentle, Veth was unapologetic, Fjord was dependable. They were all so unlike anyone he’d ever met in the Dynasty.

And then there was Caleb.

Essek pulled the tiny parasol from his pocket and twirled it in his hands. Maybe he’d acted too harshly the day before. Caleb had been nothing but kind to him since the Mighty Nein had propositioned Essek.

With a sigh, he mentally set aside the Caleb problem for later and got to work on researching everything he could about one Ludinus Da’leth.

***

“You did not have to come in person.” Da’leth’s long white hair swished as he closed his office door behind Essek. The room was neat and tidy, if a bit pretentious. Large windows looked out over an immaculate garden, a handful of books adorned a minimalistic table, and an orchid was in full bloom on his desk. It was the tree-growing _Encyclia microbulbon,_ mounted on a block of wood.

“I did,” Essek said simply. He’d already calmed his nerves and eased into the self-assuredness that came so naturally to him. Now it was time to strike. He let a smug, confident smile play across his features.

Da’leth turned to him, questioning and teetering on impatient.

“So, what do you have for me?”

“Ah, Ludinus, I won’t be giving you any more _tips_.”

“Hm. Have you found another source of income? I know your situation is,” Da’leth paused for emphasis, “precarious. It will not do your experiments well if you cannot fund them through the end of the year, Thelyss.”

“That is no worry. I’m sure the Assembly will keep funding my research for a long time coming,” Essek shrugged.

Da’leth narrowed his eyes. “What is your play here, hm?”

Essek brushed his fingers over the orchid on Da’leth’s desk. It had a few strange but beautiful flowers that branched out in large, exaggerated star shapes. He pinched at the base of one and plucked it, bringing it to his nose. It smelled strangely of sandalwood. He turned to face Da’leth.

“I had the pleasure of speaking to some of the underground commercial sellers recently. I think your offices would be very curious to see what they’re peddling on the black market these days.” Essek raised a brow at the displeasure on Da’leth’s face.

“That’s it? Those are the middlemen. It’s nearly impossible to catch them with more than a handful of contraband at a time, which I’m sure I don’t have to remind you, doesn’t turn into a high profit, at all.”

“You misunderstand me, Da’leth.” He leaned against the desk and assembled every word with care before opening his mouth once more. “They informed me of where they get their wild-collected specimens. It’s truly a tragedy that there are smugglers pillaging jungles simply so someone can have a rare orchid on their dining table.” Essek twirled the bloom in his hand. “It’s even more tragic that the very organization meant to protect these endangered species is paying for the traveling costs of those same smugglers.”

Da’leth’s confident, casual mask faltered and he crossed his arms.

“And?”

“There are a lot of people who would not look on you kindly if they learned about this. You might even lose your position and the Assembly would certainly be disgraced,” Essek spoke coolly, narrowing his eyes. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you want that?”

“Ah, so you’re blackmailing me?” Da’leth asked.

Essek tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, challenging the other man.

“I want no further part in your little business,” he said.

“And yet you take our money.” Da’leth paused. “Understand, even with this,” he gestured between them, “new arrangement. You are still involved. That is not erased.”

“For now,” Essek said.

“Tell me, what gave you a change of heart?”

Essek glanced down for a moment as seven faces flashed through his mind, but then he locked eyes with Da’leth. “Friends. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Huh. You’ve gone soft.”

Essek made a quiet, amused sound, somewhere between a chuckle and a scoff, and put the flower in Da’leth’s hand. At the door, he turned back to Da’leth. “I trust we’ve come to an agreement.” As he was leaving, he caught a glimpse of Da’leth crushing the petals in his fist, and then he was out of the office, smirking to himself.

***

> _8:34 pm Unknown: Yeza’s case was dismissed._
> 
> _8:34 pm Unknown: This is Caleb Widogast, by the way. Hello._

Essek had been back in Rosohna for only a day when his phone buzzed. He was sitting by his warmly lit fireplace, steaming cup of tea in hand, reading the latest publications on orchid symbiotic relationships at the end of a long day of work.

His eyes widened at the name _Caleb Widogast_ in the text message, just as a wave of relief washed through him at the knowledge that Yeza wouldn’t be charged.

> _8:37 pm Essek Thelyss: I’m glad to hear it._

He wasn’t sure what else to say, but regardless felt like he should say _something_ else. Leaning back to rest his cheek on the couch cushion, he stared out his apartment’s large windows. The lights were dim inside, so the city outside sparkled brightly. If he narrowed his eyes just right, the buildings’ lights turned into a swirl of stars. It was beautiful, though vastly different from the sky that night in Felderwin. He wondered if any eccentric bar like that existed in Rosohna.

Sighing, he wished he’d said or done something different. He wasn’t sure _what_ he should have done differently, but knew that coldly retreating from Caleb wasn’t it.

> _8:43 pm Essek Thelyss: I apologize for how I left Felderwin. I was under a bit of work stress, but that was rude of me to not say goodbye._
> 
> _8:49 pm Essek Thelyss: I’m almost done writing up our species description. I will send it to you soon._

He wondered when he would see the Mighty Nein again. They were still on the hook to collect species for him, but those trips were spaced out by several weeks and took just as long to complete.

He found himself hoping it would be sooner rather than later. In fact, he found himself thinking of Caleb, in particular, quite frequently these days. Just now, he’d been reading a newly published article on pollinator interactions and had very nearly emailed it to Caleb, before second guessing himself. When he went to work this morning, he went out of his way to pick up an earl grey latte. The scent of it now reminded him of long hours working in the lab beside an enthusiastic redhead.

But for now, until he saw them again, the quiet darkness of his apartment was comforting. At night, when he sat here and gazed out at the city, he felt an infinite set of possibilities sprawl out before him. Time slowed and he could catch his breath, leave all the expectations behind, and find a peacefulness that evaded him in the daylight.

It was only recently that he started wishing someone were here with him. A particular someone.

Essek glanced at his phone and found, with a swoop in his stomach, two new messages.

> _9:05 pm Caleb Widogast: No need to apologize, Essek. I’m looking forward to reading what you’ve written._
> 
> _9:08 pm Caleb Widogast: You’re welcome to come have dinner with us the next time we’re in Rosohna. We would all like to celebrate with you._
> 
> _9:10 pm Essek Thelyss: I look forward to it._

***

A full month passed before Essek heard from the Mighty Nein again. Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate, a few days after Caleb first texted him, Essek sent him his draft of their work. Caleb sent it back soon after with some notes and a message saying they’d be out of reliable internet range for a few weeks. But that was it.

Essek had spent the time working, of course. The lights and machines in his lab were still running. There was still politicking to do at Key Gardens. He was sitting on the nearly finished draft of the specimen description, stuck on the fact that he couldn’t exactly describe a new species with only one example.

He considered submitting it to a publication as is, but an uncertainty nagged at him. Once out of his hands, it would go to any number of anonymous reviewers, and, well, he still wasn’t entirely sure this Yeza business wasn’t about to come back and bite him in the ass. Until he could be certain that it wouldn’t be dismissed out of pettiness, he didn’t want to send his work out into the unknown.

Then one day, out of the blue, he got a message from Jester.

> _12:35 pm Jester Lavorre: essek!! we’re back in rosohna! literally still on the plane right now but hey do you wanna come over tonight to get your stuff?_
> 
> _12:36 pm Essek Thelyss: Send me the address and I will be over around seven. It’s good to hear from you again._

Essek stared at his phone for a long moment and debated if he should ask about dinner. Caleb had mentioned it a month ago and he’d spent more time thinking about it since then than he’d like to admit. It was unusual. He genuinely wanted to know more about them.

He tried to remember the last time he’d willingly gone to dinner with friends and came up blank. The worries had been rolling around in his head for weeks now: _What would they talk about? Would they still be interested in him now that his part of the deal was over? Would they like him less after getting to know him better?_

And, in between every other question he had: _How would Caleb react to seeing him again?_

Though Essek would never admit it out loud, Caleb had been appearing in his dreams lately. Most nights, like any other drow, Essek went into a trance for four hours and did not dream. But he had a habit of sleeping on occasion, when he had a bit of extra time or at the end of a really hard week. After he first dreamt of Caleb, well, he started sleeping much more frequently. 

The dreams were soft and vague, but he would wake up with memories of laughing together in the lab or strolling hand in hand through the gardens. In them, Essek was bold. He would lace his fingers through Caleb’s or stand close enough that their shoulders touched. When morning came, he’d feel a sense of loss and nostalgia for something he never had. _But it felt so real._

Clearing his throat, Essek rid himself of fuzzy memories and forced himself to get back to work. 

He left the office early to spend a long time sampling wines, trying to find the best one to bring to dinner (and to take the edge off his nerves). He came away with an awfully expensive choice, though it wasn’t that much more than what he’d normally buy for himself. Once home he showered, styled his hair, carefully picked out an outfit, complete with his finest earrings, and applied a tiny bit of cologne. Studying himself in the mirror, he was certain that nothing was out of place.

It was a short walk to the Nein’s address, the same place they’d stayed in previously. Presumably, there weren’t many short term rentals in the city with the number of bedrooms required to accommodate them. The forecast predicted rain, so Essek brought along his umbrella and hoped the humidity would leave his hair alone.

As he walked through the dark streets, his nerves only grew. He second guessed staying for dinner several times before forcing himself to think about something else. To calm down, he ran through a list of possible species they might have brought him, narrowing down the location of their latest trip via subtle clues. He was down to a list of 20 or so when he reached the door. Hesitantly, he took the few steps up to it and with a deep breath, and the vague feeling that he was arriving for a date, knocked on the door.

It burst open with an enthusiasm that could only come from one source: Jester. As soon as she saw him, a brilliant, beaming smile spread across her features. It was a strange and unfamiliar experience, having someone be so delighted to see him. He swallowed down the emotions clawing up his throat.

“Essek!! You’re here!”

“I am. It’s good to see you are well.”

He followed her inside as she regaled him with stories of their most recent expedition. “—and there was a HUGE crocodile and don’t tell him I said this but Fjord almost got eaten! It was really bad. Although really he was more afraid of the turtles than the crocodile. Which is pretty silly because that croc could totally have bitten his arm off.” 

A familiar chaotic scene met his eyes as he stepped further into the house. Voices came from nearly every side, as the house seemed full to bursting with life and _people_. Essek’s ears twitched at the noise.

“Hey, man,” Beau appeared in front of him, arms crossed and leaning against a door frame in the dining room.

“Beauregard,” Essek tilted his head in acknowledgment.

“We’ve got your specimens right here,” she gestured to the table. He felt a little bit of the weight in his chest lift as he looked at the plants with interest. He was certain he was looking at _Dracula benedictii_ , judging by the deep red, cup shaped flower and its long tendrils. It had been on his short list, he smugly noted to himself.

“What’s with the wine?” Beau’s voice broke through his examination.

With a flush, he turned back to her. “Oh, I was just thinking that perhaps...” He hadn’t been ready for this to be brought up so soon. “I could take you up on that dinner that, well, uh, Caleb mentioned before…?” Embarrassingly, his normally so well enunciated words came out running into each other like a bunch of kittens wobbling and bumping into everything.

“Oh my gosh, Essek, of course!!” Jester said next to him. In her excitement, she flung her hand out and laid it on his arm and, to his dismay, left it there. He was acutely aware of the contact. It felt invasive and uncomfortable. But he didn’t want to offend her, so he tried his best to subtly escape it.

“Caleb, Essek’s joining for dinner!” Beau called through the doorway behind her.

Moments later, the ginger man appeared, curious and bright-eyed.

“Essek,” he said, a little breathless. “It’s good to see you.”

“You as well, Caleb,” Essek said. He allowed himself one look before darting his eyes away to Beau and then Jester. The brief glance only served to conjure up false dreamy memories of time spent comfortably together, closer than Essek would let anyone else get.

“Did someone say dinner?” Caduceus poked his head in from a different doorway. “I’m cooking up a veggie stir fry right now.” He looked to Essek, soft ears flopping with the movement. “You’re going to be joining us?”

“Indeed.”

“Great. It’ll be ready soon.” He bowed back into what Essek assumed must be the kitchen.

“Ah, I should clean this up,” Caleb said, looking at the plant specimens laid across the table.

“Let me help,” Essek said as they both moved in at the same time. Caleb’s fingers brushed against Essek’s, but it was Caleb who jerked back in surprise. Essek forced any reaction down and glued his eyes to the materials as he picked them up.

A few minutes passed as they cleared the table and gathered enough chairs for the eight of them. At this point, Essek was pointedly avoiding meeting Caleb’s gaze, but trying very hard to not be obvious about it. Whatever they had shared that night over the pinball game seemed to be gone now and Essek wasn’t sure if it was the lack of alcohol in their systems, his cool demeanor from when they’d last seen each other, or something else. He noted how Caleb looked at Jester, completely charmed, and felt a dark, hopeless sinking feeling weigh him down.

 _No matter_ , he told himself. He was here to be friends and that was more than enough. _Friends..._ ah yes, he was supposed to be getting to know them better. Tapping his fingers against his crossed arm, Essek spoke up in a moment of silence, “How did you get into the orchid business, Jester?” He looked at her curiously.

“Oh well, you see I draw all kinds of plants, but orchids are my specialty. My mama kept so many around the Chateau and in our gardens, because they’re so seductive,” she waggled her eyebrows at him. “So I drew and painted them all the time growing up, and then people started paying me for it!”

“That must have been a lovely place to grow up,” he said, ignoring the seductive comment.

“Yeah, totally. My mama’s the best. Hey, I bet I know some things about orchids that you don’t!” she said, a challenge laced into her words.

“Perhaps,” he said, doubtfully.

“There are some things you only pick up from living in the Lavish Chateau, trust me. Like, did you know if you eat a _Lissochilus_ stem, it gives you a really intense hard on? I told some of Mama’s guests that and they just started eating some of the plants we had around the Chateau,” she laughed, wholeheartedly and without a care.

Essek immediately flushed purple. That was not where he expected this to go. He wished he could turn back time and _not ask Jester that question_. “I… you were right. I did not know that.”

“And, Artagan used to tell me this story about this sexy ghost lady who would like seduce men, but if they weren’t good enough for her, y’know in bed or wherever ghosts do it,” she lowered her voice, conspiratorially, “then she would make their dick hurt really fucking bad. They could only fix it if they ate a duruagle orchid.” She grinned at him, eyes full of mischief.

 _Duruagle?_ He hadn’t heard of that before. It must be a common name.

“An… interesting story.”

He knew orchids had a litany of folklore about them, but had never bothered to read into any of it before. He wouldn’t be able to look at a _Lissochilus_ the same from now on.

“Were we talking about eating orchids? I made _salepi dondurma_.” Caduceus appeared in the room once more, this time with a platter full of small plates. They had what appeared to be thick ice cream on them. “Once I heard you were coming over,” he said to Essek, “I knew you’d want to try this. It’s orchid ice cream, made with the tubers of the _Orchis_ genus.” He set the tray down in the middle of the table.

“They say this can improve your sex life, but I don’t know much about that,” Caduceus shrugged. Essek raised his eyebrows and mumbled out a “thank you” as he took a plate.

“Is there anything sexier than eating orchids?” Caleb said under his breath, laughing. He grabbed one of the small plates, and, as far as Essek could tell from his peripheral vision, was unphased by the salacious turn of the conversation.

To Essek’s further surprise, Caduceus set out forks and knives for them.

Delicately cutting into the ice cream, Essek was pleasantly surprised at the creamy, chewy texture. It tasted of vanilla, and was topped with ground pistachio, toasted almonds, and chocolate shavings. It was delicious.

“ _Salep_ comes from the word for fox testicle,” Veth said, helpfully. “The tubers look like a pair of wrinkly balls.”

Essek opened his mouth to say something in return, but closed it again, at a loss. Then—

“Vanilla!” he said suddenly, surprising himself and with far too much force. “...is an orchid,” he finished, lamely. He felt lightheaded with embarrassment. Jester snickered at the blush on his cheeks.

“I used some for flavoring,” Caduceus nodded, seriously.

“Is vanilla an aphrodisiac as well?” Yasha asked, softly, feigning innocence, but with a seriousness that suggested she’d put the information to use.

Veth was about to respond when—

“So!” Essek cut in. It was a desperate and far too late attempt to save himself from this conversation. “I am led to believe you visited the Cyrios Mountains?”

Everyone around him blinked in silence, momentarily confused by the change in subject. But, as he’d hoped, they launched into a tale of the dangerous trek from the crocodile-infested waters by the coast into the hot, humid forests of the mountain range. Apparently Beau had fallen out of a tree.

They all seemed lighter, like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. He’d yet to ask about Yeza, but was rolling the idea around in his head, wondering how to approach it. A small voice in his mind insisted that it was wrong to hide his involvement in the matter, but he squashed it quickly, reminding himself that it was over and done with. They didn’t need to know. The matter was resolved. It would only bring up bad feelings that would endanger this already delicate relationship that he truly wanted to nurture and grow.

He didn’t realize he was chewing the inside of his lip until his fang pierced it painfully. Mercifully, the shock distracted him from the unease settling in his stomach.

When Caleb was distracted, talking to one of the others, or engrossed in whatever Jester was saying, Essek dared to watch him. His eyes crinkled in delight when his friends made stupid jokes and he amusingly deadpanned his own at the most unexpected moments. But under it all, there was still an undercurrent of sadness. Pain, Essek identified it as. He saw it in moments when one of the others would mention life before they found each other or made a passing comment about Caleb’s expertise. Something in Essek yearned to learn the source of that pain and, Essek thought he must be awfully arrogant to think this, but to soothe it as well.

Pain. He could commiserate with that.

Still, through all the Mighty Nein’s tales, he was downright impressed with their hardiness. They weren’t afraid of any landscape; the cuts and bruises and _danger_ were only small obstacles to overcome for the thrill of adventure. He envied it, in a way. He found himself toying with the idea of fieldwork, almost wanting to join them on an expedition.

Eventually, the conversation came back around to him.

“What is it that you want to do?” Yasha asked, curiously.

“Hmm,” Essek sat back, wine glass in hand, and took a sip. “Well, I oversee the orchid collection at the Royal Botanic Gardens, but outside of that, I have a private lab I work in. I’ve been… toying with the idea of…” 

Finally, he locked eyes with Caleb and shifted forward slightly. 

“As we’ve discussed before, orchids are very dependent on their symbiotic relationships. When a giant moth species goes extinct, so do the plants that coevolved with it. We can’t grow many orchids outside of their native habitats because we don’t know which fungi they need to survive. But what if… What if there were a way for the orchids to exist by themselves? To not be reliant on these other species that are similarly endangered or unknown.”

For a moment, his comments hung in the air and he wondered if he’d said too much.

“I think that misses the point, Essek,” Caleb said, soft and careful. “Nothing in nature is meant to exist on its own. That’s the beauty of it. We— every plant, every bird, every fungus. It’s all interwoven.”

“It is a crutch,” Essek said, scoffing. He gestured in the air as he spoke, the wine loosening both his limbs and his tongue. “As one species, one ecosystem is damaged, it ripples across and infects everything else. Wouldn’t it be nice to break that cycle?”

“Yeah, and what else would that break?” Beau asked. “Conservation isn’t about messing with the very fabric of a single species, it’s about protecting everything because it’s all important together.”

“Well, in most cases it is already too late for that,” Essek said.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Caleb said, pinning Essek to the spot with his unwavering blue gaze.

“The illegal trade is damning many of these species,” Essek said, narrowing his eyes. His mind flashed to Da’leth and he nearly faltered on his own hypocrisy. “So if they could only be grown in a greenhouse, the likes of my mother would not be buying rare wild-collected flowers every year just to impress the Queen. And her friends wouldn’t be casually asking me how to take care of an endangered species over a glass of wine.” He waved his glass at them and took a long sip from it.

If there were no political or social risks, he would have long ago told the Assembly about the rare, illegal flowers gracing the tables of his mother’s circle. Then again, Da’leth wouldn’t have been impressed with the info, as a handful of plants didn’t turn into the thousands of dollars worth of fines that he was after. And, as he now knew, Da’leth had his fingers tied up in their source anyway.

“Why hasn’t the Assembly raided their houses?” Veth asked.

Essek laughed, sharp and humorless. “They are not worth it and they are too powerful,” he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What about the Dynasty? Does the government not care?” Fjord asked.

Glancing at his plate, Essek realized he hadn’t finished his food. “The Dynasty… they are not particularly interested in conservation, and especially not when it comes to plants. To them, plants are food,” and he waved around the vegetable speared on his fork. “They are not worth so much time, money, and effort if they are not edible.” 

Chewing thoughtfully, he added, “Although, I suppose you all have proven just how _edible_ orchids can be.” He chanced a shy smile at Jester. She grinned right back.

“Hm. Some of them are truly delicious,” Caleb cocked his head, catching Essek’s eyes with his own. Amusement and… something else that Essek couldn’t identify danced across his face. Essek tried not to think too much about it as he finished his food.

***

As the night wore on, they moved from the dining room to the plush living room. Essek avoided the couches and opted for an armchair. He’d only just sat down before a cat leaped into his lap.

“Oh!”

He stared at it in surprise. He knew he was slightly tipsy, but didn’t think he’d had enough to start hallucinating cats out of nowhere.

“Hello,” he said, stroking its head. The cat purred and rubbed against his hand.

“I see you’ve met Frumpkin,” Caleb said as he came into the room. “My cat.” Essek raised a brow at him, silently asking why there was a cat here. Caleb shrugged.

Caduceus brought out tea for everyone and the Mighty Nein peppered Essek with questions about the Dynasty and the Queen that he did his best to answer. It turned out they really didn’t know much about Kryn culture or politics at all. He felt like an odd choice to explain it all to them, but indulged their curiosity nonetheless (that, at least, was something he could relate to).

Once he had enough wine in his system, but not too much, Essek carefully broached the topic that had been in the back of his mind all night.

“So… is Yeza doing well?”

“He’s slowly rebuilding his stock,” Veth huffed. “But, he’s happy to be home with our son without the worry of being sentenced to prison.”

“That’s good to hear,” Essek said.

“What about you? Have you heard anything from the Assembly about it?” Beau asked, arms crossed and slightly hostile.

“Mmmm,” Essek pretended to think about it. “No, I cannot say that I have. Let’s hope it stays that way.” Technically not a lie and hey, that last part was genuine.

He listened to them talk back and forth about how unfair it was that Yeza was arrested, how the Assembly was corrupt, how horrible it was that someone would take advantage of Yeza that way. He did not entirely disagree, but stayed as quiet as he could without raising suspicion and waited for the conversation to end and move on.

Not much later, Essek felt himself growing tired — this was more social interaction than he’d had in a very long time — and announced it was time for him to take his leave. Though he enjoyed the evening, he felt a sense of relief at the idea of returning to his empty home. But as Essek was just about to leave, Caleb spoke up suddenly.

“Might I, uhm, might I walk you home? I’m eager to see more of the city.” He was nervously rubbing his neck.

Surprised, Essek was wordless for a moment. “Sure, though my apartment is not far.”

“Great. Ja. That’s okay.” Curiously, he seemed rather on edge. “I will be back soon,” Caleb told the others. Before they could say much in response, he was already stepping outside, Essek following behind.

“Be careful!” Essek heard Jester call after them as the door shut. They were met with a soothing, but unrelenting rainfall.

“Oh, it is raining,” Caleb said. He appeared to be turning back, perhaps for an umbrella, but Essek wordlessly opened his own and held it over the two of them. They had to stand quite closely to fit. Surprised blue eyes met his own. “That… that works.”

Essek waited for Caleb to move before belatedly remembering he was supposed to lead. “This way,” he mumbled and stepped down onto the sidewalk, Caleb close beside him. He inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh, damp earthy scent of rain.

Over the course of the dinner, Essek had finally managed to tamp down some of his feelings toward Caleb, but they were all rising back up once more, in the form of overheated skin and a slight nervous sweat. As his arm nearly brushed Caleb’s, he wondered if his hair was getting frizzy. 

And, worse than that, he had no idea what was going on in Caleb’s head. The night had started with some sort of distance between them, and Essek had tried to keep it out of his mind, but Caleb just kept _looking_ at him. At times with amusement, but other times with a serious gravity that Essek worried he was fully succumbing to. He breathed out sharply and watched his breath dissipate into the night’s air, wondering where all these feelings had come from (and if he could put them back).

The sidewalk was wet beneath their feet and water splattered against their shoes with each step. It was mostly quiet but for the sound of rain pattering against the umbrella and the occasional car passing by. Green street lamps illuminated their path, along with the soft light of the waning moon. Essek’s arm strained with the effort of holding the umbrella high enough to not bump into Caleb’s head.

“A lot of Rosohna is built on top of ruins,” he said to fill the silence, when he noticed Caleb eyeing some of the buildings they passed.

“It’s beautiful,” Caleb murmured. Essek hummed in response, noting the strange spark of joy and pride in himself at hearing that. “Do you like living here?”

He had to think for a moment, before replying: “I do… This city is my home. But, the culture here, well, it is dominated by the religion of the Luxon. I do not, exactly, prescribe to that.” He spoke carefully, and couldn’t help but glance to the side, to see if anyone was listening in. There was another dark figure walking down the street. He lowered his voice. “I have little interest in praying to some unknown, unseeable god. But, uh, that has left me feeling like… I don’t fit in. In some ways.”

Essek was acutely aware of the fact that Caleb had leaned in even closer to hear him, their shoulders now bumping against each other. Swallowing, Essek chanced a glance up at him. He was met with sympathetic, sparkling blue eyes.

“That sounds lonely,” Caleb said.

“At times,” Essek shrugged.

“Here, let me,” Caleb took the umbrella from him and Essek’s arm fell to his side, tired and relieved. They walked a while longer in silence before Essek spoke up again.

“Do you like what you do? Smuggling?”

“Hmm,” Caleb furrowed his brow. “I’m thankful for getting to work with my friends. They have helped me a lot. And it’s good to feel useful. We are helping to further scientific research,” he turned a smile on Essek. “But, I think there is more we could do. We are still confined by the rules set around us. I would prefer to overturn those rules and,” he considered Essek for a moment, “hmm, build out a system that actually works.”

They were very nearly outside of Essek’s apartment building at this point, on the edges of the busier part of town.

“That takes a lot of courage. I admire that,” Essek said. They slowed to the point of stopping, now turning in toward each other. Essek watched as their breaths mingled in the night’s cool air. His nose and cheeks were cold, but the rest of his body was hot from the proximity. Before he could help it, his eyes slid down to Caleb’s lips. They were half-parted and he wondered what they might feel like pressed against his own.

Apprehension flooded through him. He had no idea what kissing was supposed to be like. _Would he be bad at it? Would his fangs get in the way? Was that even what Caleb was thinking about?_

Caleb raised his free hand and cupped Essek’s face, leaning down.

Apparently, the answer to the last question was yes.

Essek met him the rest of the way, despite the nerves nagging at him to break away.

It was only a brief, chaste kiss. Essek could hardly hear anything over the pounding in his ears but his senses filled with a woodsy scent that faded into something reminiscent of the flickering candles in his living room and the old books on his shelves. It had the distinct effect of making him feel cozy and warm even as they still stood in the rain. He was just getting used to the sensation when Caleb pulled back.

“Did… did I—”

“Was that—”

They both started speaking at once and then stopped. Essek blushed and looked down, a half-smile on his lips. He could feel Caleb’s eyes still burning into him, but then heard a soft, huffed laugh.

“I must admit, I have not done that before,” Essek said shyly and mostly to his feet.

“Was, uhm, was that okay?” Caleb asked. His hand had slipped from Essek’s cheek but he tentatively raised it again. It stuck in the air, hovering a few inches away. “You do not seem to like being touched. I shouldn’t—”

“Not by most people.” Essek lifted his gaze, tilting his head slightly to the side with the barest hint of a smirk, as he found Caleb’s eyes once more. 

Caleb finally let his hand move forward and he fiddled with a strand of Essek’s hair.

“Are you going to do it again?” Essek asked, leaning into a challenge instead of the rapid rate of his heartbeat.

“Do you want me to?” Caleb’s thumb was already swiping across his cheek, rough and warm.

“Yes.”

This time Caleb’s lips parted and Essek’s head filled with whitenoise as he did the same. His fangs snagged against Caleb’s bottom lip, resulting in a disarmingly attractive intake of breath. It piqued his curiosity, even as the new and confusing experience threatened to overwhelm him. Essek wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, but experimented with putting them on Caleb’s waist and tangled in his hair. He found himself pulling Caleb closer...

Neither of them noticed the umbrella tilting too far to one side until droplets of rain started streaming onto their hair and clothes.

“Ack,” Caleb said, suddenly pulling back as he tried to keep the umbrella from falling entirely. It landed in a puddle and splashed water up at them.

Essek caught his breath and pushed wet hair out of his eyes, dismayed at his soaked clothes. But Caleb laughed, warm and genuine, and Essek couldn’t help but chuckle at the delight on his face. He reached out and tucked strands of wet red hair behind Caleb’s ear.

“I’m a little rusty,” Caleb said.

“It is new territory for, for both of us I suppose.” Essek grabbed the umbrella and once more raised it above their heads, studying Caleb’s face.

“You look like you’re staring at a particularly difficult equation, Essek.”

“I was trying to decide if I should invite you in to dry off,” he gestured toward his apartment building.

“Hmm. What did you decide?”

“Do you want to come in and dry off?”

Caleb hesitated, and Essek’s stomach curled in on itself.

“Not, uh, not like that,” Essek flushed and abashedly looked away. He felt a hand on his arm. It squeezed ever so slightly.

“If you’ll have me, yes, I’d like to come up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this one got real long which made it difficult to edit so I hope it all came together! Also, idk what the line between the teen rating and mature is... so idk if that conversation at the dinner passed it or not haha. Let me know if you think it should be bumped up?
> 
> Oh yeah and I didn't want to put this at the beginning bc spoilers, but Hozier's 'Like Real People Do' goes quite nicely for these two. I will die on the hill that Caleb was thinking about *something* that night at dinner in 91 when he nervously asked if he could walk home with Essek. But we'll never know, since Beau came along, too.
> 
> And me? Projecting my own distaste for being touched on Essek? Couldn't be.
> 
> As always, thank you so so much for reading, your comments mean everything to me!
> 
> SPOILERS 117: 
> 
> Wow ok after finding out Essek is in Eiselcross I may have to take a brief break from this to write a million fics about Essek in Eiselcross


	8. Pterostylis sanguinea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek and Caleb bare it all (almost) and the orchids were a metaphor all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I didn't write an Aeor fic because I am guided by the whim of my inspiration. Anyway, I think these chapters are just getting harder and harder to write, but I'm excited to share this one and I hope you like it!
> 
> For the beginning, I'd suggest 'Such Great Heights' by The Postal Service but the other songs are spoilery so I'll put them at the end.
> 
> OH and I hope this isn't too confusing but I made a tiny retcon to the cause of Caleb's parents' deaths. It’s got the same sentiment behind it that I always intended but the actual physical cause is different. I'm gonna go edit that other chapter now lol
> 
> Yeah, so, content warning for Caleb's backstory

The elevator ride was awkward.

Caleb and Essek traded glances and smiles in the initial silence. The only sounds were the _drip drip drip_ of water onto the floor, the uncertain shuffling of limbs, and a few barely audible chuckles mostly lost against the hum of the machinery. Caleb was seriously considering leaning over and kissing him again when Essek spoke up.

“I read this paper recently that I think you would be interested in.”

“Oh?”

And Essek launched into a long explanation of the hypothesis and methods of the experiment, gesturing animatedly with his hands as he talked. He commented on how their sample size was rather small, but the results were intriguing and he was curious to see what they would publish next. Caleb watched as the nervousness sloughed off of him and was replaced with a thoughtful, passionate energy that filled the quiet air with new warmth. He joined in the conversation, genuinely excited to talk science with Essek, but couldn’t help but laugh inwardly at the obvious pivot in conversation.

He followed Essek down a sleek hallway as they debated the merit and importance of the paper’s results. Essek wasn’t sure their experiment was airtight enough to take the limited results seriously. In contrast, Caleb found their unusual methods to be rather delightful and inspiring, but conceded that he’d have to read it for himself.

It wasn’t until Essek opened his apartment door that Caleb, with a sharp intake of breath, realized he’d been so caught up in the kiss and the conversation that he had no idea what he was doing here. Or what the plan was. Or what he should or shouldn’t do. All he knew was that he was tumbling headfirst into something far more intimate than he’d been prepared for. This was the event horizon and he couldn’t see what would happen beyond that door.

His heart pounded in a fight or flight response, and he very nearly made up an excuse to leave right then and there, but Essek’s soft smile kept him anchored in place. No, it did more than that. It pulled him in.

This time, Caleb was helpless to the gravitational force between them. He watched as Essek walked in and removed his coat to reveal the black turtleneck beneath it. The material clung to his body and Caleb found he was both thankful and dismayed that Essek had been wearing his coat when they’d kissed.

Essek ran a hand through his wet hair and grimaced. Caleb hesitated outside.

“Come in, I’ll get you a towel.”

“Ja, okay,” Caleb said, stepping across the threshold and into the unknown. 

The apartment was simple and clean, with a faint floral scent. A dark couch faced a modern fireplace built into the wall and a laptop sat on the glass table in front of it.

Essek disappeared down the hall, leaving him alone in the entryway. As the silence and emptiness settled over him, Caleb’s heartbeat slowed back to almost normal. He removed his own jacket and hung it next to Essek’s, then carefully assessed the room before him.

Bookshelves were arranged wherever there was space, containing an array of books diverse in size, color, and age. Over half of them were in Undercommon, Caleb noted, but he found several in Common concerning things like science history, chemistry, astronomy, ecology, botany, and of course, orchids. Essek was clearly an avid reader; Caleb smiled at the thought.

Along the sill of the eastern facing windows was a tray of potted orchids, some in bloom, some not. Caleb peered curiously into the tray and found it filled with moist black pebbles.

The kitchen, which was adjoined to the living room via a bartop counter and line of stools, was noticeably dark and empty but for an electric tea kettle on the counter.

After getting a lay of the land, Caleb awkwardly lingered by the barstools. He eyed the couch, but determined it was far too forward to sit there. Essek had already indicated that, well, this night wasn’t leading to anything too salacious. Caleb was thankful for that. Part of him was still fighting the urge to run out the door while Essek was in another room.

Several minutes passed, leaving Caleb to wonder if Essek even owned more than one towel, when he finally reappeared looking significantly drier and more put together.

“This is for you,” Essek said with a shy smile. The cloth was a plush midnight blue.

“Thank you.” Caleb gently dried his hair while Essek stared at him. Silver eyes flicked down to what Caleb assumed were his own lips, then back up with a faint plum blush. Caleb thought about running his thumb against that lower lip...

“I hope our friends didn’t make you too uncomfortable at dinner,” he said to interrupt his own train of thought. “We are not used to putting up polite pretenses and usually just jump straight to the dick jokes.”

“I, ah, certainly learned something. Not something I wanted to learn,” Essek pursed his lips and tilted his head slightly, “but knowledge was gained nonetheless.”

“That is always a win,” Caleb said. Essek nodded.

It seemed they couldn’t go long without a heavy, charged silence falling over them. Caleb thought the kissing downstairs would have changed that, but now he was in Essek’s apartment and was desperately unprepared for whatever this might turn into.

“Ah! I have a book for you,” Essek said. “Come, it’s in my office.”

Caleb followed him mutely and entered a room that looked much like the one before it, only with a desk instead of a couch. There were a few more odds and ends scattered about, like a microscope and several preserved plant specimens. 

While Essek searched his bookshelves, Caleb’s eyes caught on a large whiteboard hung on one wall. Alongside notes about experimental methods, three names were scribbled in the corner, two he didn’t recognize and one he did. _Yeza Brenatto_.

“Here, this one is particularly good,” Essek turned back to him, book in hand.

“Oh I have been wanting to get this for a while, thank you,” Caleb said, taking it and flipping open the title page. He was about to say more but his phone buzzed in his pocket. Furrowing his brows, he pulled it out and said, “Hm. I think our friends are worried. Uh, could you excuse me for a moment?”

Essek deflated only a fraction. “Of course. I’ll be in the living room,” he said, leaving Caleb alone once more.

Caleb answered the call with a slightly annoyed, “Ja?”

“Where the hell are you, man?” Beau said.

“Spending time with a friend.”

“I told you he—” came Jester’s voice from the other end before Beau shushed her.

“Sure, yeah, friend.” Caleb rolled his eyes. “Look, I finally heard back from those orchid growers and yeah, both of them knew Essek. And it’s pretty clear that he knew about the species in their greenhouses.”

“That could be a coincidence.” Caleb stared at the book in his hand. It was expensive and he hadn’t been able to justify spending the money for it.

“I don’t buy it. He did this.” She was practically growling in his ear.

“There are plenty of other explan—” He turned back to the names on the whiteboard. “What were their names?”

“What?”

“The two others who got raided. Their names?”

“Damu Gar and Adeen Tasithar.”

 _Damu Gar, Adeen Tasithar, Yeza Brenatto_. They were all written right there on the board.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said and hung up.

“Essek—” A slew of words threatened to tumble out of his mouth as he rounded the corner and found Essek sitting on the couch, reading. Soft, silver eyes glanced up to meet his and the _hope_ in them nearly made him pause. But no, _he had to know._

“Is everything—”

“Was it you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you tell the Assembly about Yeza? And Damu Gar? Adeen Tasithar?”

The color faded from Essek’s cheeks as he stared back. Caleb lost any sliver of hope he had left, his stomach hollowing out.

“Ah…” Essek dropped his gaze to his lap and gave a halfhearted chuckle. “The whiteboard.”

He was a fool to kiss Essek, he realized that now. What a stupid, stupid mistake. 

Caleb contemplated leaving right then and there. It’d be simpler to just run from the problem and pretend like nothing had happened between them. But… then he would never know Essek’s side of the story and, despite his better judgment, he couldn’t just turn off the feelings that had been blossoming within him.

“This… this thing between us,” he hesitated and stumbled over the words that both acknowledged that there was something between them and that it was incredibly fragile, “I’d like for it to survive the sunrise. But I’m at a loss here, Thelyss.”

“I’m sorry.” Essek couldn’t look at him. “You weren’t—” He sighed. “How could I have known I would end up betraying my only... friends… when I hadn’t even met you yet?” He hesitated over the word, leaving Caleb wondering if he thought they were something more or something less.

“You’ve been lying to us from the very beginning,” Caleb said. He carefully said _us_ and not _me_.

“You lied to me,” Essek said, finally looking at Caleb, but it wasn’t accusatory. It was simply an acknowledgment of the manipulation that had always underpinned their relationship. Caleb was a fool to think that wouldn’t come back to bite them. _What a fool, what a fool..._

“What he was doing was illegal. I did not force him to break the law,” Essek said.

“He trusted you. They all trusted you.”

“That was their own fault,” Essek grimaced.

“I trusted you.”

And at that, Essek sucked in a breath as his carefully guarded mask finally broke. Caleb could see he was holding back tears. He bowed his head, shaking it slightly.

“What was the point here, Essek?”

“It is complicated.” He was staring at his hands again. “There are very few options for me here, in the Dynasty. There are no government funds for my research. I hold a high position at Key Gardens, but they don’t do _science_. It is little more than assembling a room of pretty things for people to look at. But I, I have things I want to _accomplish_. I want to revolutionize the field.”

Caleb could hear the desperation and frustration in Essek’s voice. It reminded him that at the very least Essek had not acted out of cruelty.

“Ludinus Da’leth. He offered to pay for all the equipment in my laboratory in exchange for,” he paused and grimaced, “tips about who was harboring mass quantities of illegal species. Wild-collected or not, it didn’t matter. They get paychecks from it and it makes them look like they’re succeeding in their mission to protect endangered species.”

Essek glanced back up. His eyes were shining with pain, regret, and… ambition, Caleb realized.

“Nothing is sweeter than the thrill of discovery. And I have done a lot of terrible things in chasing that.”

_Oh._

The difference between them was thinner than a razor.

Caleb sat on the couch next to him. “As have I.”

The admission hung in the air between them, inching them toward equal footing.

“This world of science and politics and research, it brings out the worst in me,” Caleb continued. “You asked why I said it was too late to go back to school? It’s _this_. This inclination to screw everyone else over to make it to the top. I was like you, but my friends changed me.”

Caleb moved to rest his hand against Essek’s cheek, but hesitated. It was different now, from even less than an hour ago, downstairs in the rain. Then, he wasn’t sure how Essek would respond. Now, he wasn’t sure it was wise to go down this road. But the silver eyes staring at him were wet with stubbornly held back tears, and so he couldn’t help but cup Essek’s face and run a thumb along his soft skin.

“And they can change you, too.” Caleb said it with conviction. He knew it was true. It was only a matter of Essek letting them. But Essek gave the barest hint of a disbelieving scoff. Or, hope flared briefly in Caleb, maybe it was an acknowledging chuckle.

“You were not born with venom in your veins.” Caleb pinned Essek in place with his gaze. The elf went very still and his brows twitched inward, doubtful but considering. “You learned it.”

“You can find your better self,” Caleb insisted. But Essek was shaking his head ever so slightly. Caleb slid his hand down to rest on Essek’s shoulder. He noticed the drow nervously lick his lips.

“It does not— _you_ do not have to be like this,” Caleb finished, searching Essek’s gaze desperately for any give.

Essek raised his eyes to the ceiling and sighed. “If it is too late for you, then it is too late for me. If people knew about this, it would soil my reputation. No one would work with me. I’d be ruined.”

And a part of Caleb wanted to lean in like he had earlier, to feel soft lips against his own, but instead he pressed a gentle kiss to Essek’s forehead. He smelled of bergamot, lilac, and a hint of jasmine.

Caleb whispered against his skin: “Maybe you and I are both damned.” And it still hurt to think he’d never be able to follow the path he once longed for, but it was clear now more than ever that it would only lead to selfish decisions and undeserving casualties. “But we can choose to do something and leave it better than it was before.”

Essek exhaled shakily and let his eyes flutter closed for a moment. “You weren’t part of the plan,” he half-stumbled over the words but said it tenderly, trying to meet Caleb’s gaze. “I have not cared for anyone but myself for the century I’ve been alive. But Caleb,” and here he held his eyes steady, “I care for you.”

And Caleb knew he was in too deep. He jerked away, putting several more inches between them. He watched with a pang of guilt as Essek fought to keep his expression neutral.

Essek cleared his throat quietly.

“I have rectified the situation with Yeza,” he said, averting his gaze. “And I don’t plan to give the Assembly any more names. We are all getting what we want, no?”

“And your lab?” Caleb knew it wasn’t that easy, otherwise Essek wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

“I made other agreements,” he said flatly.

Caleb stood up abruptly. “You’re still playing the game.”

“I set the rules this time.”

“You cannot play with these people, Essek. They will screw you over every single time.”

Caleb was pacing around the room, frustrated and gesturing at nothing in particular. He’d wondered for so long if Essek was like Trent Ikithon, but now he _knew_ he was another victim of their manipulation. Someone who had trusted too easily and fallen into their pattern of deception and malevolence. The only question remaining was if Essek would claw his way out of it or not.

Essek narrowed his eyes, stubborn and challenging. “It’s a mutually assured destruction.”

“No. They always have the upper hand. Always. You may not see it, but you are on the precipice of disaster by dealing with them,” Caleb insisted.

“Well, it’s a good thing I have you to pull me down, then.” Essek raised an eyebrow.

Caleb leaned against the wall opposite the couch and ran a hand over his face in exasperation. He had to convince Essek this was folly somehow.

“Scheisse. Okay, it is like _Pterostylis sanguinea_. The banded greenhood orchid, ja?”

Essek rolled his eyes, of course he knew. But just the mention of the species, and the movement to a topic they were both more comfortable with, served to lighten the tension dramatically.

Caleb had his attention. Good. “They produce the alluring scent of female fungus gnats to trick the males into landing on their petals. The male gnat tries to mate with the labellum, putting in all this effort for nothing—”

“The point of semen is that it doesn’t take that much effort.”

“Ja, ja. Still, he is being deceived. The gnat does his best to copulate with the flower when the labellum snaps up,” and Caleb made a gesture to demonstrate, “and traps the gnat inside. Now he must crawl out of a small hole to get out, but will pass through the orchid’s pollen in the process. The gnat flies away with nothing but wasted time, yet the orchid is pollinated.”

“The Assembly has lured you in, just as they did to me, Essek,” Caleb spoke low and serious once more. Essek seemed skeptical, but he stayed quiet, waiting for Caleb to explain.

Caleb took a deep breath. He hadn’t been prepared to talk about his past tonight, but he could see no other way to make Essek understand that he was _trapped_ (and that there was a way out). There were no benefits to tangling with the Assembly. Caleb tapped his fingers along his arm.

“Maybe we could have some tea for this?” He gestured toward the kitchen.

“Sure.” Essek stood up and filled the electric kettle. He grabbed two minimalist glass mugs from the cupboard. “Do you prefer green or black?”

“Black, thank you.”

Essek nodded and spooned tea into strainers for the both of them. Caleb took a seat in one of the barstools and rubbed his neck anxiously as he prepared to recount his trauma (he knew from experience that it was _not_ an easy endeavor). Once done pouring the water, Essek slid one mug to Caleb and leaned onto the counter across from him. 

Caleb couldn’t help a slight smile as the scent of bergamot once more filled his senses. It was a fleeting comfort before he took a deep breath and began.

“I first met Trent Ikithon when I was a freshman in college. I was so _excited_ to get into research. My mother loved orchids. She kept them around the house while I was growing up and told me strange stories about them,” he paused, remembering their conversations earlier in the night with a half-chuckle. “Although, different ones than what Jester heard.”

“I read every book I could get my hands on and became fascinated by the coevolution of flower and pollinator morphology, in particular. My friends, Astrid and Eodwulf, and I used to wander through the forests around our hometown, observing and collecting any orchids we could find. We pooled our limited funds for dissection tools and a shared microscope.”

He felt Essek’s eyes burning into him, but focused kept his gaze on the swirling steam coming from his mug. The warmth from the tea seeped into his hands and up his arms.

“So I was eager to work under Ikithon.” Caleb tried not to stumble on the name. “He was the reason I applied to the Soltryce Academy. He was — is — so well regarded in the field.” He couldn’t help but glance at Essek, as he knew they’d worked together in some capacity, but the drow’s face was carefully neutral. “When he accepted my application to work in his lab, it felt like everything I had wished for was coming true. I was able to work alongside my two friends and I was a participant in the cutting edge of orchid genetics.”

“But Ikithon became our only source of information and mentorship,” Caleb sighed regretfully. “We were young and naive and he took advantage of that to close us off from interacting with anyone else in the field. He made it clear that following his instruction was our only path to success. He promised our names would grace his publications, but if we weren’t in the lab, we weren’t doing _enough_.”

Caleb’s eyes closed for a moment as he remembered the _exhaustion_. Most nights, he barely remembered entering their shared apartment, but somehow he would make it to his bed and pass out somewhere in the realm of three in the morning. On rare occasions, the stress would overwhelm him and he’d quietly sob to himself on his walk home.

“I didn’t sleep for years. He overworked us, demanded all of our time. He taught us to view other orchid researchers as our enemies. He said that we would only make it far if we stepped on them to get there and that it was all necessary in the pursuit of success. We believed him.”

Caleb still believed him. It was exactly why he was sitting here, now, with Essek. Essek, who was accomplished in the field. Essek, who had screwed over his peers to get there.

Essek’s face darkened and he opened his mouth to speak, before closing it, and then trying again. “And no one told you otherwise?”

“No. Everyone thought the three of us were exceptional students,” Caleb chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “Beyond that, there was no reason for the other faculty members to interact with us. Of course, it happened slowly, so we did not realize that we were being manipulated and… emotionally abused until it was too late.”

Caleb sipped his tea as the familiar, unbidden thought of _No, you just weren’t good enough to do what was needed_ flooded his mind. Beau and Veth had done their best to rid that thought from his head through semi-aggressive declarations of love to Caleb and hate to Ikithon.

“What happened to change it?” Essek asked hesitantly. His fingers twitched toward Caleb’s hand on the counter, but ultimately stayed put.

“I finished my Bachelor’s and started working toward my PhD, still with Ikithon as my advisor. About a year and a half in, I left Rexxentrum to visit my parents in Blumenthal for a day. We had dinner together, meat and potatoes,” Caleb still remembered the comforting taste of the home-cooked meal, “and did a jigsaw puzzle in the living room. It was a winter landscape. My mother picked it out.”

He swallowed as tears threatened to spill out.

“When they went to bed, I had to work to make up for the time I’d lost. I didn’t sleep all night, then in the morning I had to catch an early bus. Ikithon had insisted I come back as soon as possible. I made some tea for myself,” he grimaced down at his mug, “and hurried out the door. I didn’t realize I’d left the burner on.”

He choked out the last words: “It caught fire before they woke up and burned the house down.”

His senses dulled as white noise drowned everything out. He barely heard Essek whisper “Caleb…” but caught the look of shock that flickered across his features. Caleb’s stomach curled with guilt. What must Essek think of him now?

Before Essek could say anything else, Caleb rushed out: “I couldn’t focus on my studies after that. I dropped out. Astrid and Eodwulf tried to stop me, but… it was too late. I’d realized it wasn’t worth it.”

He clung to the counter in a feeble attempt to stop the roaring in his ears and the weakness in his limbs. It had gotten easier, talking about this, over the last year, but it was not _easy_. Especially with Essek… Well at least now the drow could see the full picture.

“I should have known the Assembly had more skeletons in their closets,” Essek mumbled to himself. “I don’t know what it’s worth,” he stared at the space between their hands, and then peered up at Caleb, “but I’m sorry for your loss.”

Caleb didn’t know what he was hoping for. Some grand speech or gesture? No, he didn’t deserve that. A declaration that Essek would cut all ties with the Assembly immediately? Ja, that would be ideal. Beau and Veth had hugged him tight and denounced his guilt, which had been uncomfortable to say the least, but it had eventually turned them into his closest friends. Now, Caleb felt the distance between him and Essek growing with every second. _But that was just what he wanted, wasn’t it?_

Essek was about to say something more, but Caleb interrupted him. “The Nein are expecting me back.”

And for the second time, his stool screeched across the floor in an effort to make a hasty exit from Essek’s company.

“I think we need to let this settle,” Caleb said, surprising himself with the calmness of his voice.

“That we do.” Essek was guarded. He was no longer the socially awkward dinner guest who’d never been kissed, nor even the passionate, brilliant researcher talking animatedly in the lab, but was once again the closed off, aloof scientist from that day in the conference room.

Finally, Caleb gave in to the urge to run. He made his way to the front door, put on his coat, and was wrapping his scarf around his neck when Essek’s voice broke the silence.

“Caleb,” he hesitated, and Caleb was glad for the small assurance that he hadn’t imagined those other versions of Essek. “It’s best if you stay far away from them. I cannot protect you.”

Caleb nodded, but he wasn’t sure it was sincere.

“And… anyone they might be dealing with.” Essek left the unsaid implication to hang in the thick air between them.

“Goodnight, Essek,” Caleb said as he opened the door.

“Goodnight.”

He closed it behind him with a soft click and sagged against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut against the pounding in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I have to thank the Essek Thelyss Fan Club for the best Essek song: 'Words Fail' by Ben Platt. Another song that I listened to a lot while writing this and fits Essek perfectly: 'The Night We Met' by Lord Huron.
> 
> Anyway, it was hard to commit to just Caleb's POV for this chapter but I was eager to write his thoughts into it. I promise next chapter we'll get to hear Essek's thoughts on all this.
> 
> I included more lines from canon than I usually do— hopefully it works!
> 
> Aaand I'm never one to go full angst so of course I stuck some Shadowgast science humor in the midst of these two baring their souls :D


	9. Bulbophyllum nocturnum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek does his best to cope and a visitor comes to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright friends! I'm back with another chapter!
> 
> Someone in the ETFC put 'I Am a Rock' by Simon & Garfunkel on their joke Essek playlist and honestly I haven't stopped thinking about it since. So, I'd say give it a listen if you want a chuckle with your angst because it's very fitting right here haha
> 
> Aaaand while it's not on either my Essek playlist nor my Shadowgast one, I listened to Tame Impala's 'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards' a lot while writing this cause I think it fits parts of this chapter's vibes pretty well.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Essek stared at the couch as his insides hollow out.

_“You weren’t part of the plan,” he said, defeated. He could still feel the lingering press of lips to his forehead. It was a more intimate touch than he’d ever received and it made meeting Caleb’s gaze nigh impossible, but he tried anyway. “I have not cared for anyone but myself for the century I’ve been alive. But Caleb,” and this was harder than lying had ever been, “I care for you.”_

He didn’t sit there for a month.

*

Caleb’s mug was still half full. Essek poured it out and put the dishes in the dishwasher.

_“It caught fire before they woke up and burned the house down.”_

_“Caleb…” Essek whispered. And he wanted to reach across and cover Caleb’s hand with his own, to offer some lame attempt at comfort, but he didn’t. Selfishly, his mind flickered to his own father and he kept his mouth shut, unwilling to give Caleb another reason to hate him._

He winced at the lingering scent of tea and started the dishwasher, despite it being mostly empty.

*

Essek avoided his bed, uninclined to submit to the unknown world of dreams, and instead opted for the plush cushions he regularly used for meditation. He folded his legs underneath him and let his eyes close as he attempted to fall into a meditative trance.

_“I care for you.”_

_Essek’s heart was pounding. It was practically a confession of love. He’d certainly never told anyone that before and for a split second he felt lighter, happier, amazed at the fact that he’d told the truth for once in his life._

_He had awful timing._

_Regret immediately seeped through him. Caleb jerked away and Essek fought to keep his heartbreak from showing. He cleared his throat and carefully locked away his feelings._

_“I have rectified the situation with Yeza,” he said, still unable to look at Caleb or else his composure would surely break. “And I don’t plan to give the Assembly any more names. We are all getting what we want, no?”_

His eyes snapped open and he stood up too quickly.

*

Rain was still streaming down his windows. He pulled on his coat and paused at the door, eyes locked on the nearly dry umbrella sitting innocently in his umbrella stand.

_“This is for you,” Essek said, handing Caleb the towel._

_“Thank you.”_

_Essek watched as Caleb gently dried his hair, unsure of what to do next. He’d offered for Caleb to come up and dry off and that was as far in the plan as he’d gotten. He wished he’d prepared for this._

_Without meaning to, his eyes flicked down to Caleb’s lips, half-parted and so very human in their strange pink tones. He wondered what they would feel like pressed up against other parts of his body... But before his mind could wander, he snapped his gaze back up and felt the betrayal of a blush spread across his cheeks._

Essek left without the umbrella.

***

It wasn’t quite pouring when Essek stepped outside. It almost felt nice, the rain _plunk plunk plunking_ on his hair. The refreshing, wet air managed to clear his head a bit. He let out a breath he’d inadvertently been holding and welcomed the slight chill that permeated his skin.

Essek walked in the exact opposite direction he had come from earlier in the evening, but to his chagrin, that meant heading into the busier downtown streets. It was around 11 pm already, but Rosohna was quite lively at night, even in the upper class Firmaments District where he lived. On any other night, Essek would trance early and work in the quiet hours of the morning when everyone else was meditating. Tonight, however, was not lending itself to such rest.

He made his way down narrow, winding residential streets, passing various other pedestrians. His ears twitched as he unconsciously strained to listen to the low hum of their conversation. The boisterous laughter of Felderwin leapt into his mind, but he shook off the memory as he took to counting the cobblestones beneath his feet.

After a little while, the slender city streets opened up into lush public gardens. Couples and small groups of mainly drow sat at round iron tables tucked under umbrellas, drinking wine and chatting quietly. The open air benches were mostly empty, but only because of the rain. Usually at this time of night, there were several readers absorbed in their books, unbothered by the darkness.

Essek had once entertained the thought of sitting here with Caleb and sharing a bottle of wine over fervent discussions. Now, he studied each person he passed by and tried to deduce their den, profession, and age in a pointless mind exercise. He soon noticed that everyone else carried umbrellas, maintaining the composure of their expensive clothes and hairstyles. He sighed, feeling self-consciously out of place — even more than usual.

He wandered through the park, identifying each species of plant he came across. There weren’t many. In truth, it was a lot of grass, a few trees, and the same five different flowers. Whoever had designed the park had picked mainly night-blooming species, to keep the public space pretty during its busiest hours. None of them were orchids, as there were few night-blooming members of _Orchidaceae_. He idly wondered if he could get _Bulbophyllum nocturnum_ to flourish here while watching a moth land on bright white petals and stick its proboscis into a flower.

_“I read every book I could get my hands on and became fascinated by the coevolution of flower and pollinator morphology, in particular.”_

He turned away from the sight quickly and made his way toward the Marble Tomes Conservatory. It had grown and expanded since he’d finished school there, but it still had the same large domed buildings, with tall, tinted windows. Thankfully, most of the windows in Rosohna were darkened to keep the sunlight out. However, to cultivate the necessary environment for his plants to thrive, Essek had clear panes specifically put in on the eastern side of his living room and study, though he kept his bedroom nice and dim.

Students both dejected and spirited passed him as he approached one of the larger buildings. The snatches of conversation reminded him of the simplicity of his early days at the Marble Tomes and he let himself sink into a bit of nostalgia _—_ if only to avoid dwelling on the present — as he walked into the expansive library. He smoothed the wet hair from his face, regretted leaving the umbrella, and wound his way into the depths of the stacks.

Something tugged him toward the ecology section. He ran his fingers along the spines, looking for what exactly, he didn’t know...

_“Nothing in nature is meant to exist on its own. That’s the beauty of it. We— every plant, every bird, every fungus. It’s all interwoven.”_

Stopping abruptly in the aisle, he headed to the physics section instead. He picked a title at random and began reading it right there in the aisle. Without looking, he grabbed two more and settled into one of the nearby armchairs. It turned out the book he’d chosen was exceptionally dense and intended for career physicists as opposed to hobbyists. Essek relished the challenge of puzzling out the meaning behind the author’s arguments and equations.

It was five in the morning when one of the young clerks came by and notified him that they were closing. Essek glanced up and immediately a sense of vertigo washed over him as the library’s stacks and lights and tables came back into his perception. He blinked away the afterimage of complex theoretical equations as a deep exhaustion settled behind his eyes.

With a murmured acknowledgment to the clerk, he picked up his books and checked them out before going through one of the doors leading further into the Conservatory. The campus was a winding maze, but he’d spent years here and returned frequently enough to know his way by heart. At this hour in the morning, the hallways were entirely empty and he was alone but for the dark plazas stretching out on either side of him, beyond the curving windows. He felt uncomfortably exposed and picked up his pace.

His soft footsteps echoed into the silence as he climbed several floors up a large, winding staircase that eventually led into a smaller set of steps. They ended at a heavy, nondescript door. With a flash of his key card, he opened it onto a beautiful rooftop garden.

He checked his watch — 5:34 am, the sun would be rising in about half an hour — and leaned against the railing. The city below twinkled with green lights, but was draped in a comforting quiet. Most drow would be meditating at home now.

As the sky slowly turned shades of soft pink, venomous threads of regret snaked their way under his skin. With a deep breath, Essek finally allowed his thoughts to tumble out of whatever recess of his mind he’d locked them in.

He hadn’t regretted much in his 120 years, but _this…_

They had snuck up on him with their raucous humor and genuine friendliness. He wished he could pinpoint the moment that his new friends had dug their fingers into him and dragged him out of his solitude, if only to understand what they had done to accomplish such a thing, but there was no single instance. It was just _them_.

They made him laugh. They were endlessly curious and driven (traits that the people around him sorely lacked). They showed an interest in him beyond his family name and ties to the crown. For all the misery clinging to him now like errant, sticky spider webs, he couldn’t make himself regret enjoying the company of the Mighty Nein, but he did regret them finding out about his involvement with the Assembly.

A sick, heavy feeling settled deep in his stomach.

He supposed he might never see them again.

Swallowing did nothing to remove it.

He could live with that.

It would be hard going back to his old lifestyle — loneliness had crept into his everyday life like a slow fog rolling in — but really, it was a small price to pay for what he had done. He knew it wasn’t good, that the Assembly members were far from _good_ , but he’d done it anyway. It had gotten him what he wanted.

He just hadn’t realized what the cost would be.

If he had… well, he would have still made the same choice, regardless. He regretted hurting the Mighty Nein and the people they cared about, but nothing in life came without an equal and opposite reaction. If he was to lose them, well, then it wasn’t without its gains.

His knuckles tightened on the railing as a tiny sliver of doubt flickered in the back of his mind.

But Caleb… Essek’s stomach twisted as he considered what Caleb must think of him. He’d been working with the very same people that had abused him and ruined his career. He was still working with them, in some capacity.

_“This… this thing between us, I’d like for it to survive the sunrise.”_

As the darkness behind him faded and the pink sky turned to blue, Essek checked his phone for the first time in hours.

Zero messages.

It had not, then.

***

Essek didn’t sleep and didn’t trance for the next few weeks. Every time he tried, his mind wandered to things he had no interest in dwelling on. Instead, he read and worked and pushed himself to the point of exhaustion each day so he could meditate for an hour without a single thought invading his brain.

He took to picking up coffee on the way to work, despite not particularly liking the taste.

Around Key Gardens, he was snippy and short. Normally, he had a decent amount of patience and was fully capable of keeping on a pleasant smile while around his boring colleagues and subordinates. But now his patience was thinner than a razor and fraying at the edges by the time he arrived each morning.

With so much extra time on his hands, Essek polished up his paper describing the strange new species and sent it in for peer review, lying about how he came across it, of course.

The days passed in a haze of lab work, data sheets, and manuscript edits, blurring together until one day when his obnoxiously silent phone actually buzzed. He nearly fell off his stool and dropped his pipetman, but caught himself on the counter. He definitely ruined the sterile environment of his solutions as he left their containers wide open while in search of his phone.

> _6:26 pm Verin Thelyss: I’m coming home for the Day of Radiance. Mother expects you for dinner in two nights. Shall we go a few rounds on the piste before then?_

Essek stared blankly at his phone. _Right… the Day of Radiance was in_ — he checked his calendar — _two weeks_. _Shit._ He sighed and rubbed his face. The last thing he wanted to deal with right now was his family and the expectations of a religion he didn’t prescribe to. He pressed his fingers into his eyes as his head swam with exhaustion.

The two of them had been challenging each other in fencing for as long as he could remember. As soon as Verin had realized his book-smarts would never live up to Essek’s, he’d turned to mastering physical skills in an effort to stand out. However, their mother forced both of them to learn fencing and so Essek was just as good as Verin.

Essek loved to remind his brother that fencing was just like chess — it required just as much cunning and strategy, although with the added complication of agility. Verin may have had the advantage in that realm, but Essek had certainly mastered the strategy.

But… he hadn’t fenced in the three years since he’d last seen Verin. Other than walking around Rosohna, he hardly exercised. Meanwhile, his brother was a Taskhand in the military, working out every day and in the prime physical shape of his life.

Of course, Essek couldn’t back down from the challenge if he wanted to (and part of him wanted to) and he refused to dwell on the fact that he was in no fit condition right now mentally or physically to best his brother.

> _6:37 pm Essek Thelyss: You’d best step lightly if you want to redeem yourself from last time._

With a sigh, he left work early to buy a new suit for dinner.

***

“Your technique is sloppy, Essek,” Verin taunted as he danced out of the way of Essek’s foil. “That’s the tenth touch I’ve gotten on you.”

The scent of burning rubber mingling with sweat filled his senses after the hit to his chest. Verin’s face was entirely hidden, but Essek could imagine the snide grin curling across his lips.

“Yes, I am aware,” he gritted out, narrowing his eyes as they found their starting positions once more.

Essek attacked unsuccessfully then awkwardly jerked his foil up to parry Verin’s riposte. His brain was entirely unable to recall anything he knew about fencing other than the basics and his reactions were sluggish at best and nonexistent at worst.

Verin lunged forward and once again Essek was too slow to do anything about it. His mask lit up with the point and he very nearly growled in frustration.

“A moorbounder’s ass could have parried that, brother. Light, _Mother_ could have parried that,” Verin laughed as he stepped back.

Essek’s head was pounding. As he stepped back into position, he closed his eyes for just a moment against the dim lights. They were making his vision blur at the edges. It took every last ounce of his energy to open them once more. _A moorbounder’s ass…_

He opened up aggressively, thrusting toward Verin’s chest, but it was too reckless and Verin easily turned it back on him. He fumbled in his hasty step backward, nearly tripping as he brought the foil up to defend, then whipped it back at Verin.

Verin counter-attacked with easy confidence, stepping back to let Essek practically charge at him. It was an obvious mistake that left Essek frustrated enough to fall for Verin’s feint to the left.

“Shit!” He barely noticed the sharp prod into his torso, as it took his brain a half-second to register the touch. Heat rose to his cheeks and he ripped off his mask, tossing it to the floor. “I’ll see you at dinner, Verin.”

“You look terrible!” Verin jeered in delight. Essek stalked off toward the exit. “Hold up,” Verin called after him, “what’s wrong with you?”

Essek ignored him as the door slammed shut.

***

He fell into a trance in the shower, as the hot water washed over his body and the white noise lulled him into a sense of quiet safety. His breathing slowed and his face softened as his eyes fell shut.

It wasn’t until the water turned cold that he came out of his reverie and realized he’d been standing there for far too long.

With a sigh, he turned off the water and toweled off. Stepping into his childhood bedroom, he thankfully sunk into the cushioned chair hanging in one corner. It rocked gently as he leaned back and the wood creaked under his weight. Dinner was in an hour and he still had to make himself fully presentable, but for a moment he stared at the ceiling through the chair’s crisscrossing branches.

Something small and slightly off-color from the paint caught his eye. It was a tiny plastic star stuck in the corner, the last remnant of the glowing constellations that once covered his room. He blinked in surprise and a part of him urged to stand up and peel it off—

The short buzz of an email notification rang loud in the silence and he tore his gaze away to check his phone, in hopes of news on his pending publication.

> _Subject: “A new species of Neottia (Orchidaceae) from the Lushgut Forest” Rejected_
> 
> _Elpharae Daemaer <edaemaer@botanicaltaxonomy.org> _
> 
> _Dr. Thelyss,_
> 
> _Upon review of your recent submission to Botanical Taxonomy, “A new species of Neottia (Orchidaceae) from the Lushgut Forest,” we have determined it must be rejected based on inconsistencies in your genomic analysis._
> 
> _Please feel free to submit it again once you’ve done a more thorough analysis._
> 
> _Regards,_
> 
> _Dr. Elpharae Daemaer_
> 
> _Orchidaceae editor of Botanical Taxonomy_

The pounding returned to the inside of his head as he reread the email again and again, to make sure his sleep-deprived brain wasn’t tricking him. His hand shook as he painfully gripped his phone. _Inconsistencies in your genomic analysis… more thorough…_

He wanted to scream. 

But he was in his mother’s house. And so this was just another thing to pack away into the far recesses of his brain as he composed himself for dinner.

While dressing in his new suit, he thought about how he might rip Trent Ikithon to pieces.

***

Deirta Thelyss sat at the head of the long, ornate table in the center of her dining room. She was immaculate in her glittering jewelry and pale silver dress, the same color as the calculating eyes that ran over him with a familiar reproving manner.

Essek gave his best polite smile and said, “Mother, it’s good to see you.” She’d been out when he arrived earlier to meet with Verin.

“Essek. You look tired.” She gestured for him to sit and he took his customary chair at her right.

“I’ve been working hard. It takes a lot of work to be at the top of the field,” he lied (sort of).

“Surely you can find four hours out of the day to rest and rid yourself of those unsightly bags under your eyes,” she said casually. He nearly winced.

“Surely,” Essek responded, just keeping a grimace from marring his face.

Luckily, Verin entered just then, clean and pressed in his formal military garb. Essek suppressed an eye roll at the medals pinned to his lapels. He was just like their father.

“Mother,” Verin smiled, less composed than Essek’s had been. “How was your day?”

“Busy. The decorations are going up quite nicely in the Lucid Bastion, but of course, they will only be finished at the last moment. It happens every year, despite my insistence on starting earlier. Every. Year. Leylas is sure to love it, though. The designers managed to outdo themselves this time,” she spoke at length while waitstaff brought out their food.

“Maybe if you rested less it would be done sooner,” Essek said as casually as he could, taking a bite of the mushroom dish before him.

“Oh you would have me look like I crawled out of the ground and couldn’t bother to put on a little makeup when I give my sermon to the royal family, and, oh, the entire country?” she asked with a venomous hint to her breezy tone, turning her piercing silver eyes on him. Essek had never seen her without makeup, not even when his father died.

“How is your sermon coming along?” Verin interjected. He was always trying so hard to show an interest in their mother’s life, but Essek could never tell if it was genuine or not. Despite dutifully doing his part in their religious services since he was a child, Verin never really talked about the Luxon outside of Deirta’s presence. Essek figured he believed in the Light just like everyone else in their family, even if he didn’t show a particular devoutness. Verin had always been good at doing what he was told.

Essek only barely listened to his mother talk about what she was planning to speak on, focusing instead on his food and wine. At least she always got the best in that regard. But he did tune in again when Verin spoke, curious despite himself.

“I’ve implemented a new training regimen for my troops. It’s definitely not easy, but I can already tell they’re gaining a lot from it,” Verin said, casting glances toward Deirta as he talked.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Deirta said with little interest. On that, Essek agreed with her.

After an awkward pause, she turned back to him. “Essek, what are you working on that is taking up so much of your time?”

“I have discovered a new species,” he said carefully, taking another bite to swallow down the anxiety racing up his throat. He almost didn’t catch Verin’s narrowed eyes before his brother turned his attention down to his plate.

“I should display it for the Day of Radiance,” Deirta said, the barest hint of pride leaking into her words. “Send it over and I’ll have my florist prep it.”

“Uh, I’m not going to do that,” Essek said, scoffing. The anxiety disappeared briefly, replaced with the familiar taste of bitter annoyance.

“Why not?” her reply was sharp and pierced something vulnerable deeply buried within him.

“It is a one of a kind scientific specimen, not a pretty house plant,” he said tightly, steeling his gaze against hers.

“You are working for the _Royal_ Botanic Gardens, Essek,” she said it like she was talking to a child.

“Well then it’s a good thing I worked on this off hours, in a private lab,” he retorted. The queen had no claim over this. He’d checked.

“Hm!” Deirta delicately sliced through one of her mushrooms. Essek was happy to spend the rest of the meal in silence, but of course Verin spoke up.

“So do you get to name it?”

 _...submit it again once you’ve done a more thorough analysis_...

Essek barely kept his composure as he cleared his throat. “Uh, perhaps. I still need more samples before it can receive an official name.”

“Oh yeah? How do you get those?” If Verin sensed his discomfort, then he was certainly prodding it with a stick.

“I have my… methods. It’s from the Lushgut,” Essek said, desperately wishing this conversation could move on to something else. Like a child, he was pushing food around his plate. His appetite was completely gone.

“How is the rest of the family?” Essek asked, glancing toward his mother. She could talk about that for the rest of the dinner. And, to his relief, she did. Essek and Verin offered short, simple comments, as she told them about how their uncle was a disgrace and their cousin was making waves in the financial world.

A prickling sensation made Essek turn and he found Verin staring at him intently, brow furrowed. 

Essek tilted his head slightly and raised an eyebrow: _What?_

Verin’s lips tightened and he gave the briefest head shake: _Nothing._

The rest of the evening passed excruciatingly slowly as Essek found it harder and harder to not think about the email burning a hole through his pocket. So much for his reputation and his career if he couldn’t even get a single new paper published. He downed at least two more glasses of wine than he should and felt his cheeks heat.

Verin was still watching him, with concern or cold consideration he couldn’t tell. 

His brother had always been a bit of a mystery to him, though not due to any purposeful obfuscation on Verin’s part. As a child, Essek had asked “Why?” until his mother ground the habit out of him. Verin never asked “Why?” If he had, maybe Essek would have paid him more attention.

With every sip, Essek felt the searing sting of rejection (from the journal, that is, not—) begin to numb even as the wall he’d reinforced over the past weeks slowly fell away. He was tempted to _talk_ to Verin. About— about— 

Essek stood up too quickly and suddenly felt quite nauseous.

“I have to go. Mother, Verin,” he nodded at them, careful not to move too quickly as bile rose in his throat. “I’ll see you both soon.”

And he was walking away before he could fully process their answers.

***

It wasn’t that far of a walk home, but it felt like ages. Rosohna’s first snow would come any day now and Essek was forced to bundle up in a coat, scarf, and gloves as he made his way through the streets.

He sniffed and the chill made his eyes tear up. Desperately, he tried to come up with some sort of plan to expose the anonymous reviewer — Trent — for unfair bias. But his mind was hazy and his thoughts kept wandering hopelessly to the preserved specimen sitting on his desk — he couldn’t have gotten it without betraying the Cerberus Assembly and yet now he couldn’t do anything with it because he had betrayed the _Cerberus Assembly_.

It was a catch-22. And he was so tired. _So tired._

The warm (more-than-a) buzz was wearing off by the time he unlocked his apartment building’s door. Out of habit, he checked his mailbox on the way in.

There was one letter. Too small and colorful to be a bill.

It was bright red and addressed to _Dr. Essek Thelyss_.

The forwarding address said _The Lavish Chateau._

He stared at it in confusion while his feet took him to his apartment door and his heartbeat became a quickening drum under his skin.

Once in the relative safety of his living room, he carefully opened the envelope to find an elegant invitation printed neatly on expensive paper.

 _Marion Lavorre_ _invites you to the Lavish Chateau_ _for the fifth annual ballroom fundraiser_

 _for the_ _Society of the Conservation of Orchids_ _presented this year in conjunction with the Cerberus Assembly_

Essek barely caught himself against his bookshelf as he found it suddenly very hard to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple months ago I jotted down "fencing??" on my notes for this fic and hey, I found a place for it. Thanks to the ETFC for the inspiration!
> 
> Welp I think writing in all Caleb POV last week got me hungry for that sweet sweet Essek POV as I couldn't bring myself to switch during this chapter lol
> 
> Next week we might have to do a bit of a rewind to check in on Caleb and the Mighty Nein
> 
> Y'know, looking at my other Shadowgast fic... apparently me writing Shadowgast is simply: Essek drinks hot beverages while it's cold outside and stares at things resembling stars and I love that for him
> 
> Anyway, your comments and kudos are always endlessly appreciated by me as I read them over and over to find motivation to keep writing! :D


	10. Dendrobium findlayanum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek is pulled apart. Also, there continues to be Lots of Drinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I continually forget the name of this fic and accidentally reference it, like: Oh shit, look at that. Also, I apparently lied about doing a rewind to the Mighty Nein
> 
> Song recs are once again inspired by the ETFC: 'Handsome' by the Vaccines and 'Caleb' by ozello (which must have been written by Essek, it's too perfect)
> 
> Content warning for alcohol and drunkenness!

Essek awoke groggy and out of it in a plush hotel room bed. The night before, he’d downed several sleeping pills nicked from his mother’s medicine cabinet, wanting to make sure he had his wits about him for the fundraiser tonight. He couldn’t be half-present while the Cerberus Assembly and the Mighty Nein were in the same room together.

And so he’d gotten his first full night of rest in possibly over a month, he honestly couldn’t remember anymore.

He spent the day in his hotel room, while Verin and Deirta, who had come with him for some reason — he wasn’t entirely sure why — wandered around Nicodranas. They’d celebrated the Day of Radiance together, but Deirta was apparently still in the holiday mood, insisting they spend time with each other before Verin returned to Bazzoxan. Essek had only been vaguely aware of the conversation, though he remembered her mentioning something about expanding her international ties and musing that Nicodranas could be a good place for a new church of the Luxon. He’d tried to get them to stay in Rosohna but had been entirely unsuccessful.

And while they’d asked him to come on a tour of the town, Essek couldn’t bring himself to leave the hotel for fear of seeing anyone he might know. He had to be prepared. He couldn’t just run into someone, a member of the Nein or the Assembly, on a random street with his mother present.

So he spent the day pacing the room, assessing the various goals he needed to accomplish at the ball tonight, plotting out what he might say in various situations. He mentally ran over everyone he knew that would be there. It was unclear which members of the Cerberus Assembly were coming, but certainly Ludinus Da’leth would be one. Probably not alone. Then there was Verin, Deirta, and the seven members of the Mighty Nein. It would do him best to keep them all separate, if possible.

He did not dwell on the _why_ of his invitation. And he most certainly did not think about the _possibilities_ of what the invitation to _Jester’s house_ meant. He couldn’t afford any distractions.

There was a knock on the door just as he was finishing adjusting his tie, completing the look for his dark plum colored three-piece suit. He figured that even if everything else was shit this evening, at least he looked good (if you ignored the exhaustion still haunting his features). 

Deirta Thelyss, immaculate and certainly not sporting any dark circles under her eyes, stood on the other side of his door.

“Are you ready yet?” She studied him carefully. He nodded. “Good.” But as she started walking away, he noticed something tucked into her delicate updo. It was a showy bloom of _Dendrobium findlayanum_ , a mostly white, pink-tipped flower with a splash of yellow in the center.

“For Light’s sake, Mother,” he reached out and plucked it out of her hair. “You can’t _wear_ this.”

“Why? I paid for it.”

“It’s illegal.”

“No one will know, Essek.”

“We are going to the only event where someone will definitely know.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But I’ll need a few minutes before we can leave.” She was walking away once more.

“Where did you get this?” he called after her, inspecting it.

“I can’t tell you. It’s _illegal_ ,” she called back.

“For fuck’s sake,” he murmured under his breath. This was not off to a good start.

***

Caleb and Jester twirled around the dancefloor, far more elegant than either of them should have been able to achieve. Her pink dress billowed and swished with each step while his dark jacket fluttered around his long legs. They were smiling at each other and her laugh rang out across the ballroom like a set of twinkling silver bells. Caleb moved with such ease and confidence, flowing through the dance like a gently rotating orrery. Jester kept pace, though with a little more bounce in her step.

Essek, meanwhile, kept a drink in hand as he watched them from across the room. This was their third dance so far and he wondered if they weren’t worn out and sick of holding each other by now.

The last time he’d seen Caleb grin like that was just after they’d kissed in the rain and wound up drenched and laughing.

But the last expression he’d seen on Caleb’s face was one of hurt resignation.

He looked fine now.

The round table Essek stood at wobbled slightly as Verin leaned against it.

“Do you know them?” Verin asked. Apparently, Essek had been obviously staring. He quickly looked away, finding Deirta in the crowd. She was talking to some elven woman of Nicodranas high society, judging by her colorful, yet expensive dress.

“Ah, a little. We’re… acquaintances,” he said, taking a large sip to swallow whatever other words he might have to say on the matter. It managed to slightly soften the bitterness gnawing inside him.

The opening remarks and speeches for the fundraiser had ended. Marion Lavorre had already sung a few songs quite beautifully, living up to, and surpassing, her reputation. Now, everyone was milling about the lavishly decorated ballroom, dancing, eating, talking, and drinking. Maybe it would have been polite for Essek to spend the evening networking with the rich orchid lovers in attendance, but that was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

His eyes danced around the room, seeking out the different players in this nightmare of a night. There was Ludinus Da’leth, his long silver hair standing out starkly against his deep blue suit, actually doing the polite mingling. Athesius Uludan was smiling at everyone, but Essek caught him sneaking glances into the glassware to make sure his hair was perfectly in place.

Like Essek, Beauregard was scanning the room, taking particular interest in both Da’leth and Uludan. She nudged Fjord next to her and very obviously pointed out the two men. It seemed she hadn’t yet seen Essek, who wasn’t exactly skulking in the darkest corner, but close enough. Veth had disappeared entirely while Yasha and Caduceus stood awkwardly at a table with small plates of food.

“They make a cute couple,” Verin said, perhaps a little wistfully.

“Hmm.”

Essek tapped his fingers on the table as he fought a grimace. _He deserves someone like her. Not me._ The thought came unbidden and he took a not-so-polite swig of his wine to wash it down.

“Essek, this is a party. You’re supposed to have fun,” Verin prodded him in the shoulder. Apparently in the last three years, his brother had forgotten everything about him.

“This is a work event. I don’t know why you’re here.”

Verin sighed and waved his empty glass, “I’m going to grab a drink.”

Essek’s eyes returned to the dancing couple just as they finished the song. Jester did her best attempt at a curtsy and Caleb bowed gracefully, and then the two of them joined their friends on the sidelines. Essek couldn’t hear their conversation from here, but he could tell they were discussing in low tones to keep anyone from eavesdropping.

He couldn’t possibly fathom why they had invited him. After some research into the past four fundraisers Marion Lavorre had thrown, he found that the Cerberus Assembly hadn’t attended a single one of them. Likewise, he’d never been invited before this year. He didn’t know what game the Mighty Nein were playing, but he half believed they’d invited him and Da’leth just to what — test his allegiances? Make him squirm? He wasn’t sure, but despite wanting nothing more than to disappear from this plane of existence, he had no choice but to accept the invitation. If the Mighty Nein were in the same room as the Cerberus Assembly, he had to protect them. And on top of that, he had business to discuss with Da’leth.

Da’leth, who Caleb was now walking straight towards. Essek downed his drink and swiftly made his way to the elven man, intercepting Caleb’s path.

“Ludinus. Care to join me for a drink?” Essek said, coolly. As he guided the other elf toward the bar, and away from Caleb, his eyes flickered behind Da’leth to gauge the redhead’s reaction. As soon as Caleb’s gaze landed on Essek, his eyes widened in _surprise_ and he _blushed_ , as opposed to the expected scowl of frustration. Essek couldn’t spare a moment to puzzle that out, though, as Da’leth began talking.

“Thelyss. I did not expect to see you here.”

“Hm. And why is that?” Essek ordered two glasses of wine.

“I was beginning to think your days in the orchid world were numbered,” Da’leth picked up his glass, casually swirling it before taking a sip.

“Per our agreement, I’ll still be working for many years to come.”

Da’leth narrowed his eyes, before smoothing his features once more. “Did you hear about Brenatto?”

“Ah, yes, there was some issue with the evidence. I thought you would have taken more care with such precious contraband.” Essek felt emboldened, now on his third drink and in that sweet spot of a warm buzz.

“With an expert witness, it shouldn’t have been an issue.”

“Perhaps you overestimate yourself, Ludinus.”

“I could say the same for you.”

Essek glanced back toward where Caleb had been and saw that he’d returned to the Mighty Nein. Seven pairs of eyes were watching him intently. Self-consciously, he turned back to Da’leth, but he could feel their scrutiny like a hot burn on the back of his neck.

“Trent didn’t care to join us?”

“No. You know he has no interest in fundraisers and public events. And he would be a terrible guest in this social environment,” Da’leth scoffed and went for a sip of his wine, but paused and leveled his gaze on Essek. He raised a perfectly manicured brow. “Did you want him here?”

“I believe there’s been a mix up. He’s made a mistake that needs correcting,” Essek said, dipping his toes into the boiling ocean before him and leaning into his familiar, only partly fake, confidence.

“This is about your submission to Botanical Taxonomy.”

Essek inclined his head slightly, unwavering as he met Da’leth’s gaze. _Let Da’leth do the talking and maybe he’ll give an angle to use._ Unconsciously, he tapped his fingers along his bicep.

“I could have you arrested and fined for owning that wild-collected specimen,” Da’leth said, a careful indifference coating his words.

“And we both know that the same could happen to you.” Essek wasn’t sure how far he could push his one lifeline of blackmail, but he risked it anyway. It was all he had. “Surely Trent would also rather be in his current position than in jail with a scientific journal one article lighter.”

Da’leth exhaled, sharp and humorless. Sneering, he said, “I will let him know of his mistake.” He glanced back toward the Mighty Nein, who were still obviously watching their exchange. Then looked at Essek with his faux-pleasant expression composed once more, and put his hand on Essek’s arm.

Tension seared through Essek’s entire body as his blood ran cold.

“I think your _friends_ would like to speak with me,” Da’leth said. And then he raised his glass in cheers, turned, and made his way to the only seven people in the world that Essek cared for.

Essek froze, rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do. His skin crawled where Da’leth had touched him and he thought he might be suffocating right there in the ballroom. _He should go after Da’leth. Stop him. Keep them apart in any way possible._ And yet he couldn’t make himself step closer to those unwavering glares trained on him with an ever-growing, furious heat.

A new voice broke through his racing thoughts and he found his breath return with a slight cough.

“Dr. Thelyss, you never told me your mother was so lovely.” He turned to see Uludan and Deirta walking up to him.

Essek felt as if he’d been knocked on the side of the head and concussed. He was most likely laying face first on the ground, and this was just a product of his twisted imagination.

But his mother wore an expression he only recognized from a century of attending social functions with her: searing boredom expertly disguised as polite amusement. It inexplicably grounded him in reality.

“We were just discussing your illustrious career. Come, get a drink with us.”

_At what point had Essek so completely lost track of the players in tonight’s overambitious game of chess?_

“I, uh, I’m—” He gestured vaguely toward Da’leth and the Mighty Nein.

“Essek,” Deirta raised her eyebrows at him, “Won’t you have a drink with your mother?”

He shot one last glance across the room and nearly winced as he saw Caleb deep in conversation with Da’leth. _What they could possibly be talking about?_ It couldn’t be good. _If Da’leth found out what the Mighty Nein did on their trips_ —

“I assume you’re pacing yourself,” Deirta murmured to him, low enough that Uludan couldn’t hear as he ordered.

“Are you?” he asked, indignant. In truth, she seemed perfectly poised while he was falling apart at the seams. But despite his faltering moments before, he gathered himself into something mostly resembling the haughty composure he usually prided himself on. _He was practiced at this. He was good at this._ “It’s hardly my fault that tonight’s company requires such measures.”

“Don’t make a scene, Essek,” she scowled, but it turned into a smile as soon as Uludan returned. He handed the pair of them drinks that were decidedly not wine. It was a dark liquid poured over ice with a little purple umbrella popped innocently on the side. Essek nearly laughed or cried — he couldn’t be sure which — at the sheer absurdity. Instead, he swirled his cocktail and wondered if he could risk appearing impolite by not drinking it.

“Well, go on! It’s an Athesius special. And they had these strange little umbrellas at the bar, so I couldn’t say no to that!” Uludan winked.

Apparently not, then.

Essek kept a tight smile on as he plucked out the umbrella, surreptitiously crushed it in his hand, and took a sip with a glance to his mother. It was sour and strong. He had to keep his lip from curling and Dierta nearly lost her own composure over it.

“It’s good,” Essek forced out. “Mother? What do you think?”

“A suiting drink for such lovely company,” she bit out. He smirked inwardly at her obvious — to him — distaste.

As Uludan told them what was in it, Essek stared down at the drink. He’d already had three before, now if he finished this one… he tried to jump through the mental calculations of losing his inhibitions versus his mother’s disappointment at his inability to keep up appearances. Of course, it seemed he might be doomed to not meet her expectations either way — but one was a sure thing and one was gambling on his own self-control. He swallowed more of the foul drink, betting on himself.

He barely heard a word of the conversation, pitching in comments as needed. His mind was focused entirely on trying to figure out how and when to excuse himself. He needed to find out what Caleb and Da’leth had been talking about. _What if one of the Mighty Nein misspoke around Da’leth?_ They were hardly subtle.

Each sip made the conundrum shrink further and further into a small, easily overcome obstacle.

“Would you excuse me?” he asked, without any carefully crafted reasoning behind it. He’d been overthinking it.

“Do you have some place to be?” Dierta asked.

“Ah, I should check on Verin,” he said the first thing that came to mind. Her eyes narrowed slightly, but she nodded. Uludan said some parting remarks, but Essek paid no mind as he wound his way through the crowd, looking for any sign of his colorful… acquaintances.

He spotted Caleb leaving through one of the ballroom’s doors, downed his drink, haphazardly set it on a table, and made a beeline after him.

Following in the direction he thought the redhead went, Essek found himself emerging into the warm Nicodranas night. It was a beautiful courtyard garden that on any other day Essek would have observed with interest, but tonight he only had one thing on his mind.

Caleb was leaning against the wall of the Chateau, gazing out at the neatly manicured flora. As Essek stepped out onto the stones, Caleb’s blue eyes jumped up to meet his own. Something flickered across his face, but Essek was past the point of being able to decipher it. Caleb was gorgeous in his tailored jacket and Essek thought it would be lovely to kiss him here in the moonlight, surrounded by the faint scent of flowers. _Focus_ , Essek told himself.

“What are you doing here?” Essek hissed once he got close enough. “I told you to stay away from them!”

“What are _you_ doing here?” Caleb said, keeping his voice low.

“I was invited,” Essek said, affronted.

“By who?”

“You!” he said, frustration leaking out. _Who else?_

“Are you drunk?” Caleb asked, quiet but sharp.

Essek’s cheeks burned as his ears flattened in embarrassment. So much for keeping his cool.

“I told you to stay away from Da’leth. He is _not to be trusted_ ,” Essek said, repeating himself.

“Oh, and I can trust you, Essek?” Caleb nearly growled back. “I begged you to stop working with them.”

Essek scoffed, “Ah, so it’s okay to ask me not to work with them, but then you can turn around and do the same? I didn’t take you for a hypocrite.”

Caleb’s face darkened, but before he could respond, several sets of footsteps and murmured voices broke through their conversation. Essek turned and saw, to his dismay, the very well dressed, very upset faces of his former friends.

“Essek. What the hell?” Beau snapped at him. “You thought you could just show up here after what you did?” She was in his face in a flash.

Essek tamped down the urge to wail “I was invited!” again, like a confused, betrayed child. He met Beau’s steely gaze with his own, desperate to keep some semblance of his dignity even as his head swam.

“Wait, wait, Beau,” Jester yelped, coming up next to her. “It’s not his fault! I asked Mama to invite him!”

And some part of his heart broke at the confirmation that none of them — save Jester, apparently — wanted him here. It’s not like he didn’t think that was the case, but a small flickering flame of hope had burned in his chest ever since he’d set eyes on the invitation. It was now fully extinguished. _Of course they didn’t want him here, not after what he’d done._

“I apologize,” he steadied his voice as his chest grew cold and hard. “For coming somewhere I am clearly not welcome. It was not my intention to make you all uncomfortable.” He spoke slowly to keep his words from slurring together.

“Oh, Essek that isn’t—” Jester started, but she was cut off by Veth.

“You’re lucky we haven’t told anyone. Don’t push that luck.” For all three or so feet of her, she was menacing in her poofy yellow dress. Essek grimaced, wondering if revealing his betrayal to his colleagues could possibly put him in a worse position than he was already in. He didn’t want to find out.

“This is maybe not the place to have this conversation,” Caduceus tried to ease the tension.

“There is no conversation,” Caleb said abruptly, pushing away from the wall. “He is in no state to talk.”

Essek felt very small. He flushed a deep, dark shade of purple. There was a faint tinkling sound as his ears flicked uncertainly, shaking the silver jewelry adorning them. Wounded and confused, he tried to discern what Caleb was thinking, but the other man refused to meet his eyes. He wanted to reach out, touch his shoulder, his cheek, anything to feel grounded in the increasingly unstable world around him. Without realizing it, his hand was halfway lifted before he stopped himself and crossed his arms. Essek opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ —

“It’s a party. I was having _fun_ ,” he bit out, bitter and without thinking, Verin’s ridiculous sentiments echoing in his brain like a cruel joke.

“So palling around with the Assembly is fun to you?” Beau hissed.

Thankfully, before he could dig himself any deeper, he was interrupted—

“Essek?” Verin, always with exquisite timing, showed up in the doorway. “I thought I’d find you… here.” He surveyed the confrontation before him. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yes,” Beau said at the same time Essek choked out, “Not at all,” the words tumbling together.

“Alright, well, we’re leaving…” Verin trailed off. “I suppose you could meet us back at the hotel?”

“No, this is perfect. I was just going,” Essek rushed out. The Mighty Nein parted as he quickly stepped through them to join his brother at the door. He didn’t look at any of their faces, afraid of what he might find.

He passed Verin, stepping inside. Verin hesitated, but followed a beat later. In silence, they found Deirta. She said some goodbyes and then they were once again outside, walking along the city streets. Deirta told them about the people she met, made some unflattering remarks about Nicodranas society, and critiqued the food. Essek stared at his feet and tried not to catch her attention.

His thoughts swam uneasily through his head, mostly incoherent but for a dull ache that spread through his body and wrapped itself around his heart. He focused entirely on not letting any tears come out.

At their hotel, they all said goodnight to each other and went into their separate rooms. Essek surveyed his room through half-lidded eyes, found the mini liquor bottles, popped one open and downed it, coming to a seat on the floor.

He folded his knees into his chest and lay his head on them, closing his eyes. He didn’t know how much time passed before there was a knock on the door.

“It’s Verin.”

The room tilted precariously as he stood up with a huff and let Verin in. Without saying anything, he went back to burying his face in his knees. He raked a hand through his hair and leaned into the ever-growing, blurred feeling of numbness spreading through his body.

“Acquaintances?” Verin asked softly.

Essek groaned, clutching his arms tightly around his legs. Verin sat next to him, allowing a good two feet or so between them.

“Look, I know we’re not close…” Verin said. Essek snorted. “And you can be a real asshole of a brother sometimes — well, most of the time — but,” he paused, and Essek dreaded whatever he was about to say next. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he was mortified at being so vulnerable and messy in front of Verin. It was buried under enough alcohol, though, that he didn’t stop his brother from continuing.

“You can talk to me about it,” Verin finished. “If you want to.”

They sat in silence for a long time.

Essek barely had it in him to think about anything. There was simply a jumbled mess of images and words wrapped up in a thick layer of despair flowing steadily through his mind: Caleb’s cold expression and conversation with Da’leth, Beau’s unflinching anger, Jester’s attempts to mollify the situation despite her clear hurting. They played across the inside of his eyelids and a sick feeling coiled its way through his body. His heart sunk as he replayed his conversation with Caleb over and over. _Of course Caleb hated him_. He knew this, he _knew_ this. But he’d shut it out of his head for so long that the sting was piercing anew, like a jagged knife ripping its way through his body.

“He kissed me,” Essek mumbled.

“He kissed…” Verin said. “Who kissed you?”

“Caleb.”

“The one dancing?”

Essek nodded against his knees.

“Tonight?”

“No,” Essek scoffed. “Before.”

Verin stayed quiet and the darkness behind Essek’s eyelids swirled sickeningly.

“I’m just going to…” he laid down on the floor, eyes still closed, and covered his face with one hand. He tried taking some deep breaths.

“Well, fuck him if he kisses you and then dances with some girl,” Verin said.

“That’s not…” Essek tried to shake his head, but it sent the darkness spinning like a planetarium projector knocked on its axis. It was dizzying. He stopped talking.

They were quiet but for the sound of Verin picking at something, making a slight _tap tap tap_ sound.

“Is this… a new thing for you?” He could hear the awkwardness in Verin’s voice.

“Which part?” Essek asked. Verin shrugged. “All of it. Pretty much,” he conceded.

Verin exhaled loudly and chuckled, “You always did have to be dramatic in everything you did.”

“Not helping,” Essek said, but any fight he had was gone at this point.

Verin laughed wholeheartedly this time, “I said you could talk, I didn’t say I’d be helpful. I’m no expert in the world of love.”

Essek groaned and dragged his hand across his face. “Nevermind, then.” But his pulse quickened at that word: _love_.

 _How did one know they were in love?_ He’d never been in love before. _Was this love?_ If so, he decided it was certainly overrated and probably more painful than it was worth.

But he couldn’t seem to will the feelings away. He’d tried. He’d tried for weeks now. But they’d come back like— like the sun. Every day the sun came back to torment him with its ineffable brightness. People wrote poems and songs about the sun, lauding its warmth, humbled by its ability to sustain life. His orchids would die if they went too long without sunlight kissing their leaves. Even his fellow drow, who were just as burned by its scorching rays as he was, _revered_ it. How could they devote themselves to something that brought so much pain?

Now, he had an inkling.

His heart hammered in his chest.

He’d fallen prey to Caleb’s gravity and become trapped in an unwilling orbit, doomed to spin ever so close to his warmth and risk the burn before shooting off back into the cold, lonely depths of space, again and again and again.

_Tap tap tap_

Oh yeah, Verin was here.

“What can break a planet’s orbit of a star?” Essek asked the quiet, dark room, voice a little louder than necessary.

“ _What?_ ” Verin asked, flabbergasted.

“An orbit. What breaks it?” Essek thought it was a perfectly reasonable question.

“ _I don’t know._ ”

Essek tried to remember what he knew of astrophysics…

_Tap tap tap_

“It’s hopeless. He hates me,” Essek said, because apparently he did want to talk about it.

“I’m sure he doesn’t—” Verin started automatically, then stopped. The tapping ceased and Essek peered up at him through his fingers.

“Hm?” he asked, attempting a glare.

“Uh. I mean, he kissed you, he _probably_ doesn’t hate you. I’ve known a lot of people to hate you and, unless I’m wrong, none of them have _kissed_ you.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Oh, so one of them _has_ kissed you?”

“No, no,” Essek grumbled, having trouble following Verin’s train of thought. “ _Caleb_ hates me.”

Verin hummed in contemplation. “You know, there was this girl when I was, uh, like 50 or something. She always avoided looking at me and stopped talking when I walked into a room. I thought she hated me. Turned out she had a crush on me and we made out in the supply closet.”

Essek huffed a quiet, barely there laugh.

“And then there was this guy, when I first got to Bazzoxan, he was, uh, a civilian near the base. Worked at one of the local restaurants. I could have sworn he hated me, but then one day he slides me his number and the next thing I know we’re making out in— it wasn’t a supply closet… oh, it was his apartment,” Verin blushed slightly.

“I’ll keep that in consideration,” Essek slurred. He was getting awfully tired.

“Just, maybe you don’t see the whole picture,” Verin said, softly.

“I know _you_ don’t see the whole picture,” Essek mumbled. “But thank you anyway.” He forced himself to sit up, scrunching his eyes closed against the surely spinning room. After a solid couple of seconds, he opened them a crack just to gauge where the bed was and made his way slowly to it.

“I’m going to sleep,” Essek sighed, rolling onto the mattress and burying his face in the pillows.

“Alright, stay on your side. And if you puke, don’t call me. I’ll see you in the morning,” Verin said. Essek vaguely heard the door swing open and click closed before he fell into a much needed, thankfully dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully dramatic sun/space/gravity metaphors for Shadowgast aren't too overused lololol cause I'm just gonna keep testing them out right next to my slightly more esoteric orchid/ecology metaphors. This whole fic is basically just low-stakes writing practice anyway
> 
> Also I'm just getting more and more into my bi, high wisdom/insight, average intelligence king Verin the more I write him


	11. Dendrophylax lindenii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek tries something new and Caleb gets a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, THERE'S Caleb!
> 
> I'm gonna pretend like I didn't get distracted in the midst of writing this chapter to start a Verin-centric sequel. No, couldn't be me, starting something new before finishing my current project.
> 
> Anyway, hmm music, kinda enjoying 'Francis Forever' by Mitski for this chapter -- it's got that sweet sweet sunlight reference that I'm finding is really rather common in music. I also listened to 'Build Me Up Buttercup' a lot while writing for the tone of it if not so much the lyrics...
> 
> Also, I swear I wrote this before Laura Bailey called Essek a cinnamon bun lmao

> _9:17 am Jester Lavorre: hey essek! I know last night didn’t go so great but I’d reeeeeally like to talk to you today_
> 
> _9:17 am Jester Lavorre: there’s this great bakery/cafe that we could go to!! just me and you?_
> 
> _9:33 am Jester Lavorre: esseeeeeeek c’mon you can’t be mad at me forever y’know_
> 
> _9:51 am Jester Lavorre: i’ll get you whatever you want!! I promise you’ll like something there_
> 
> _9:57 am Essek Thelyss: Send me the address and I’ll be there._

Essek hadn’t been awake when Jester first texted. He wasn’t sure he was awake now, standing outside a cheery cafe on a bustling Nicodranas street overlooking the ocean. Head pounding, he stared dumbly at the water, watching the seabirds swoop overhead and wincing at their incredibly loud squawking. The thick scent of sea salt hung in the air and a light breeze rustled his hair. It was a breathtaking sight, but his hands were shoved in his pockets and he was wishing he could somehow wear a _second_ pair of sunglasses.

“Essek!” Jester, dressed in a bright floral sundress, waved to him from down the block. He halfheartedly raised his hand in return.

“Jester,” he said, inclining his head.

“This is one of my favorite places in the city! You have to try the pastries, their secret ingredient is cinnamon!” She was already chatting almost too fast for his addled brain to keep up, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t a _secret_ ingredient if she knew about it and shouted it to the whole street.

“Ah, okay,” he said, following her lead.

The cafe was cute and sunny, with yellow accenting its light blue palette, and several round tables inside and out. A long glass case held an alarming array of pastries and sweets, far more kinds than he had known to exist. Jester grabbed a sample from a little dish on the counter and passed it to him, popping a second in her mouth. He chewed the sweet, chocolatey thing — cookie? — and decided it was fine, but not particularly his favorite.

She greeted the cashier by name, which was returned with a bright smile and a “Hey Jester!” While he was certainly out of his depth, Jester asked after his preferences and he meekly pointed at a few sweets that “looked interesting.” They ordered way too many pastries for two people to eat, but Jester assured him that he could give any leftovers to— “Who was that with you last night?” “Ah, my mother and brother.” “I’m sure they’d want to try these!” “Hmm.”

Jester was pushing the door open when Essek said, “Uh, perhaps we could sit inside?”

She spun around and was already taking a seat at one of the inside tables as she asked, “Oh no, are you hungover?”

“I’m not hungover,” he lied. “I always have light sensitivity.” That was true, of course. Even now, he was trying to angle his seat out of the direct rays of sunlight.

“You’re wearing sunglasses inside.”

“The windows in here are rather large.”

“Uh huh.” She seemed unconvinced as she arranged the pastries between them. He leaned in slightly, to look at them, when a _very loud_ “do do dooo do do dooo” sound made his ears flatten in a vain attempt to _keep that noise away_. It sent a wave of pain through his head and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He let out a quiet, involuntary hiss.

“Do you always have noise sensitivity, too?” Jester asked with a grin, leaning back, and taking a bite of something she’d called a cinnamon roll.

“I believe my ears are more sensitive than yours,” he said, unwilling to give in, but smiling despite himself (and despite the renewed headache).

She slurped her extremely sweet blended iced coffee. He’d opted for an unsweetened iced chai.

“Okay, whatever, Essek. You’re too cool to be hungover, I get it. Well, you’re _not_ too cool to try these! This pastry is gonna _blow your mind_ ,” she waggled her eyebrows and pushed the cinnamon roll towards him.

“Yay,” he said flatly, but cut into it and ate a bite anyway. It was… not bad. Quite good, actually, if he were to only eat one bite and no more. Jester, of course, had other plans.

As they dug into the various options before them, she regaled him with a childhood story about making cinnamon rolls with her best friend Artagan and how they’d somehow gotten frosting inside her shoe as well as on the ceiling fan. Essek didn’t think he’d ever want to try baking if it was generally so messy.

But after finishing her story, and his polite, but mostly insincere, “I’ll have to try that sometime,” the smile slid off of Jester’s face and she gnawed at the inside of her lip, staring down at a small piece of pastry in her hands. She’d ripped it to shreds. He felt the smile fade from his own face as he braced himself for whatever was coming. With Caleb, it had been angry, hissed jabs aimed at each other, but he wasn’t sure what Jester would say.

“Oh Essek,” she said, low and sad. “I didn’t mean to make things worse by inviting you.”

“Oh.” He was taken aback. He figured last night would come up in conversation but wasn’t exactly expecting _her_ to be apologizing to _him_.

“I just, well, I thought maybe everyone would kind of, y’know, mellow out by the time they saw you? I mean, it’s just, that some of them are still really hurt by what you did, but you’re still our friend! And I missed you,” she said, picking at the lid on her drink. “Don’t hate me for not telling them?” She turned her big, round violet eyes on him.

He sighed, half-smiling, “Jester, I don’t hate you. Would it have been nice to tell the others before inviting me? Yes. Perhaps some… things could have been avoided. But it’s not your fault.”

He cringed inwardly as fuzzy memories of his argument with Caleb and the Nein came roaring back. He should have been able to keep his distance, both physically and emotionally, but he’d utterly failed on all accounts. And then there was his conversation with Verin… well, he’d been avoiding his brother all morning (although he hadn’t even been awake that long — just enough to shower and make himself presentable).

“I apologize for my… behavior last night. I was, uh, under,” the image of Jester and Caleb dancing flashed through his mind and suddenly he couldn’t look at her, “pressure, a bit. Trying to live up to expectations, you could say.” His mother’s. Uludan’s. Da’leth’s. Caleb’s. The Nein’s. His own. No wonder the night had ended how it did.

There was an elven family outside the closest window, dressed for the beach and smiling wide. The two kids tugged on their mom’s hands. He idly watched them, pointedly avoiding facing Jester.

“Hey, everyone gets hammered at a party at _some_ point in their life!” Jester slurped her drink.

He couldn’t remember her ever drinking any alcohol since they’d known each other.

“Have you?”

The mother outside picked up one of her sons, settling him on her hip, and twirled the other around in a faux-ballroom spin. She laughed as he almost toppled over, her hand catching him. It was a weirdly foreign sight.

“Of course! This one time when I was about five, my Mama was throwing this beautiful brunch and there were all these super important people there, so I wanted to really impress them, y’know? Well, I accidentally drank some of Mama’s mimosa, cause I thought it was orange juice. She says I walked right smack into a wall!” Jester giggled.

“Ah yes, that is certainly as shameful as a grown drow alienating his only friends and then laying on the floor, drunkenly talking about planetary orbits with his brother.” Essek turned back to face her, though he wasn’t willing to mention the truly embarrassing parts of his conversation with Verin.

“Oh c’mon, you didn’t even do anything wrong!”

Essek huffed a small laugh and stared at the half-eaten pastry before him.

“Well…”

“I mean, last night! The other thing, yeah maybe not your best moment.” She stuffed a chunk of pastry in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

“I appreciate what little faith you have in me, even if it’s woefully misplaced.” He tugged apart the remains of the cinnamon roll, just for something to do with his hands.

“You sound just like Caleb,” she said, leaning across the table to force him into eye contact. His pulse quickened at the name and he felt a blush creep up his neck at— oh, what was he not embarrassed by at this point? Brashly confronting Caleb, drunkenly talking about him with Verin, sleepily musing on how loving him was like loving the sun... He could list several more humiliating moments, but he was trying to keep the blush _off_ his face.

Sunlight prickled at his bare arm even now, through the window pane. He shifted it under the table.

“He could never accept compliments or affection when we first met him,” Jester continued. “Always ‘oh I suck’ and ‘oh I don’t deserve friends’ and ‘I’m just a stinky hobo man don’t even look at me.’ Well, okay, that last one was me. But!” She held up a finger to dramatically punctuate her words.

“But?” Essek raised an eyebrow.

“I mean he’s still not great at that stuff, but he’s come a long way, okay?”

To Essek, Caleb seemed awfully affectionate. Or, at least he had. Essek tried to blink away the image of his cold, uncaring expression from last night. _“There is no conversation._ _He is in no state to talk.”_ The words still hurt like a fire burning him from the inside out.

“Anyway, you sound just like him from back then. Maybe he can teach you how to take compliments and affection.” She bounced her eyebrows up and down, sticking out her tongue in a grin.

“Hah.” His skin grew cold and he subconsciously brushed his fingers against his lips. She was so _right_ and yet so very, very _wrong_. “I don’t think… You heard him last night, he wants nothing to do with me.”

She considered it, slurping her drink. “He did seem kind of—” and then her eyes lit up, “Ohmygosh did something happen between you and Caleb? Like, before the party?”

Oh.

_He hadn’t told them._

_Of course he hadn’t told them._

“I’m, uh, I’m not sure what you mean,” he stammered. “We’re, well, uh, y’know, no different than between you and I… friends?” He could have smacked himself in the face and it wouldn’t have made him look any more ridiculous.

“Essek.”

“Hmm?” He tried, and failed, to keep a neutral expression.

“I _know_ you’re lying. Usually, you’re very good at it,” she laughed.

Yes, usually he was. But maybe he was tired of lying, at least to her anyhow. Or, maybe he was just tired. Or, maybe it was the hangover. He couldn’t be sure.

“So just tell me! What _happened_?” As she leaned forward, the bells adorning her horns jingled, daring him.

Essek sighed and fiddled with the straw on his drink. “If Caleb didn’t tell you, then he probably doesn’t want you to know.”

Jester puffed out her cheeks. “But I’m here as _your_ friend, not his. I won’t tell anyone else, I promise.” She dragged her pinched fingers across her mouth, pursed her lips, and mimed tossing something aside. He had no idea what it was supposed to mean. “I’m real good at keeping secrets!”

 _Your friend_.

Essek leaned forward, chin on his hand, unable to meet her eyes.

“He kissed me,” he said, defeated.

“Oh my god!! When? Not _last night_.”

“No, no,” Essek exhaled slowly. “When he walked me home after dinner.” If every conversation from now on was going to be like this, then maybe he should just write up a memo and email it out to everyone who thought they needed to know. Just get it over and done with.

Or perhaps he should have been better at guarding the secret.

“Oh.” She fell back into her chair, biting her lip.

“Yeah.”

“So that was before…?”

“Yeah.”

The sympathetic look on her face did nothing to make him feel better. For a frustrated moment, he wished he’d never met the Mighty Nein. It would have been easier. But… he didn’t really want that. He did, however, wish that Caleb had never kissed him. Knowing their relationship was doomed before it ever started wouldn’t have hurt quite as much if he hadn’t had that one moment of hope.

“I’m fine,” he said in response to a question she didn’t really ask. “I have more pressing things on my mind.” He was slowly resigning himself to having to sit through his feelings in the vain hope that they would dissipate, but that didn’t mean he’d given up completely on distracting himself from them.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Ah, I have experiments I’m running, I’m editing a book, I have my responsibilities at Key Gardens.” He tapped his fingers along his arm, biting his tongue about the continuously tenuous _situation_ with the Assembly. If he were truly honest, that’s what took up so much of his mind these days. An unending, unwelcome problem that would either be exacerbated or temporarily abated by last night’s discussions.

By the look on Jester’s face, he was obviously holding back. Guilt blossomed in his chest once more. She deserved at least a piece of the puzzle. “In truth, finding funding for my lab has not been the easiest pursuit.”

And, surprisingly, he felt a tiny bit of weight leave his shoulders as he said it. After a moment of confusion and trying to tease out why he felt lighter, he realized with a start that he’d never really confided in a friend before. It was… nice.

“And that’s why you’re working with the _Assembly_? You know they’re like, really not cool, right?” She grimaced.

Ah, so Caleb must have told them something of their conversation that night. Naturally, he would have mentioned _that_ and not the regrettable events in the rain.

Essek dipped his head awkwardly, in a half nod. “Indeed. While I didn’t know quite to what extent before, I am well aware now.”

“You know, what you did to Yeza was fucked up,” she said it point-blank.

He swallowed and inspected the design of the table. Its cheery floral pattern taunted him.

“And you should go apologize to him, and probably those other two, make them some cupcakes or something, I don’t know.” As she spoke, lightness came back into her tone, and he was selfishly thankful for it. “I could teach you how!”

“I…” And the images of grinning Luc and stressed Yeza and angry Veth flooded his mind. “I don’t know if I could face them.”

A blue hand reached across the table and closed around his own. He flinched at the contact and exhaled uneasily. The memory of Da’leth’s hand on his arm burned into his skin and he forced himself to not pull away from her supposed-to-be comforting touch. After his initial averse reaction, he still couldn’t tell if he liked it or not.

“Y’know how I said we’ve all gotten wasted at a party? Well, we’ve all done some pretty bad shit, too, Essek. I once hit a guy in the face with an axe, but I apologized and we’re totally cool now.”

“You… hit someone with an axe?” Essek raised an eyebrow, instinctively pulling his hand out of hers.

She cackled bright and loud, officially lightening the mood, “No, but you totally believed me, didn’t you? The actual worst thing I’ve done was get one of Mama’s clients sent to prison for a crime he didn’t commit. It was totally an accident, though. Mostly. But he was an asshole.”

“Ah. That is pretty fucked up,” he conceded. Apparently, they had both ruined someone’s life. There was a small comfort in that.

They fell silent for a moment and Essek considered excusing himself to go pack for the trip home, before Jester blurted out—

“Was that your _first_ kiss?” She grinned like they hadn’t just been talking about the worst things they’d ever done.

“No,” he lied instinctively. Then: “I uh, I mean yes, yes it was.” A blush spread across his cheeks and he stared at his lap.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Jester’s voice lowered as she leaned in conspiratorially. “I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. I thought maybe it counted when Fjord did CPR on me that one time, but yeah, Beau said that didn’t count,” she said it lightly, but he could tell this was difficult for her. This information was definitely more confidential than the “secret” ingredient in the cinnamon roll.

“Ah, well, it has caused more problems than it was worth. So. You are not missing out,” he said, mimicking her casual tone.

“You don’t mean that!” Her eyes were wide. Then, nervously, she added, “...what was it like?”

Essek shoved the last piece of his pastry in his mouth and stood abruptly. “I have to go pack for the trip home.” He gathered the remains of the food into a box.

“Okay,” she pouted and followed him out of the bakery. Once outside he tried to hand her the container of sweets, but she pushed it back into his hands. “I have _so many_ at home and you should really give these to your family so they can try them!”

“Alright,” he sighed. “Well, I am this way…” He gestured vaguely in the direction of his hotel.

“Oh hey, me too!”

She bounced along next to him as they walked down the street, chattering about the various stores they passed. He winced as they entered a stretch of full sunlight; it was uncomfortably hot on his skin.

“Oh you know what you need, Essek? A parasol! We could go find one for you right now.” Jester scanned the stores, looking for the right one.

But Essek waved it off. “I’m leaving Nicodranas today.”

After ten minutes or so, Jester was still walking with him. He began to suspect she wasn’t walking to the Lavish Chateau and didn’t mention it when they passed the street she should have turned on. It was nice— casually spending time with her.

He was in the midst of contemplating how to face Verin, when she seemed to read his mind and shout:

“Verin!”

With a jolt, Essek looked at Jester, who was waving excitedly at… Verin, his brother, who was walking along the sidewalk about a block from their hotel. Verin’s eyes brightened when he saw them and he grinned, waving back.

“Hey, Jester!” Verin called.

“You should have told me you had a hot brother, Essek,” Jester muttered to him.

“I—” but Verin joined them before he could come up with a response to _that_.

Verin looked in surprise at Essek. “And Essek. You’re alive enough to walk around out here?” He waved vaguely toward the sun.

“Ah…” Essek trailed off as he felt the headache coming back. His brain was scrambling to come up with an explanation, but it was still several steps slower than usual.

“Ohmygosh, Verin! This is so great!”

“You… know each other?” Essek asked, looking between the two of them.

“We met at the party last night!” Jester grinned. “I was, like, so surprised when I saw that he was your _brother_.”

“Just as surprised as I was to find out my brother had _friends_ ,” Verin laughed, but stopped short with a sheepish look to Essek. Well, at least their uncomfortable conversation last night hadn’t made Verin pity him _too_ much.

“Anyway—”

“Oh speaking of last night, Jester, I didn’t get your number before you ran off to, uh,” and Verin gestured vaguely again, this time at Essek.

“Stop my friends from totally murdering Essek on the spot? Lemme just…” Jester fished around in her little pink backpack and pulled out her equally pink phone, handing it over to Verin. “Here you go!”

Verin typed on her phone and handed it back, saying, “Maybe you can mail me some of that honeyflame bread some time.”

“Just as long as you don’t mind your mail being super sticky.” She suggestively bobbed her eyebrows up and down.

“If my mail tastes that good, then how can I complain?” Verin shrugged, with a toothy grin back.

“The mail carrier will almost certainly complain,” Essek interjected. “Anyway. Verin, we need to be leaving for our plane soon, yes?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so.” Verin’s grin faltered, but he turned back to Jester and said, “It was really cool meeting you, Jester. Uh, we’ll have to talk again sometime?”

“Definitely! I still can’t believe Essek never told us he had a brother,” she said, poking him in the arm. Essek shifted away.

“There are many things I haven’t told you, just as there are many things you haven’t told me,” he said, glancing at Verin. His brother didn’t return the look. “I will see you… another time?”

“Yeah, totally. I’m sure this will all blow over, at some point, probably.”

“That was almost convincing,” he said, and then — he was never good at goodbyes — walked toward the hotel, Verin following behind.

“Bye!” Jester called after them.

“Bye!” Verin returned with a wave.

It was mere steps away from Jester that Essek regretted leaving her company, as it now left him completely alone with Verin. There was a tension in the silence between them. Last night had crossed nearly every line he’d set up between them a century ago.

“She seemed—” Verin started.

“There’s no need to discuss it,” Essek cut him off. 

“O-kay.”

And, thankfully, Verin didn’t bring up anything from their late night drunken conversation through the rest of his visit. He went back to Bazzoxan and Essek could almost fool himself into thinking their relationship was the same as it had been before.

***

“What the fuck are we doing this for?” Beau barked at him after recovering from her almost-fall. She and Caleb were strapped into harnesses, hanging fifty feet in the air from cypress trees, drenched in the unrelenting rain of the swamp. Nearly pitch black water lay below them and Caleb anxiously scanned it for alligators or bears every few minutes. The rest of their friends were waist-deep in it, squinting up at Caleb and Beau.

“It is our job,” Caleb gritted out as he hauled himself up another foot. He could see a bobbing white smudge just another couple of feet up the tree’s trunk. It was certainly a young _Dendrophylax lindenii._

“We don’t owe him anything! We could have gone literally anywhere else, or collected literally anything else,” Beau snapped. She pulled herself back up to level with him.

“We made a deal with him.” Caleb was now parallel with the delicate white orchid getting hammered by the rain. “He held up his side.” He reached out to situate his feet among the nearby branches. “So we should do the same.”

With a huff, Beau situated herself in the branches opposite him. “The deal doesn’t mean anything anymore. Not after what he did.”

The orchid’s roots splayed across the tree trunk like a mess of spider legs. Caleb took out a pocket knife and gently pried them off, bracing his other hand against the tree. Beau’s gaze dug into his skin, but he didn’t have a response for her. He wasn’t sure what Essek’s thoughts on their deal were— did he still hold them accountable to the years of collection they had promised? Or did he not expect anything more from them? Either way, it was best not to owe him anything, Caleb figured. And they were going to do this anyway, as they were collecting for several other researchers, so getting one specific orchid wasn’t going out of their way no matter how much Beau complained about it.

“Can’t you just admit this isn’t about some fucking deal?”

Caleb’s knife slipped and cut off a chunk of one of the roots.

“Then what is it about, Beauregard?” It came out more of an impatient hiss than he necessarily wanted. They’d had some version of this conversation several times already, but she hadn’t prodded him this far until now.

“You just want an excuse to see him again.”

Caleb stilled his hand as anger bubbled under his skin. Not at Beau, well, not only at Beau — he’d been trying to keep the feeling contained ever since Beau and Veth had vindictively declared that Essek needed to _pay_ for what he did. _How was what he did any different than what I’ve done?_ He didn’t say it, but the thought had been nagging him for weeks, tinged with anger, frustration, and some unidentifiable emotion that ached in his chest and crept up his throat until he could hardly speak.

“Ja, I am worried about him,” Caleb bit out. “He is swimming with sharks and either they will eat him or he will become one.”

“He already is one, Caleb! Can’t you see that? He betrayed your best friend. Nearly ruined her life and you’re still making up excuses for him.” She thudded her fist against the tree trunk, making her wobble nearly off the branches.

“Maybe you are right. He is too far gone.” _And would you say that about me? If you had met me in grad school?_ “But we can use him, yes? He is close to them.”

“If he had anything useful, he wouldn’t tell us,” Beau said, steadying herself.

Caleb wiggled the knife back under the orchid’s roots. For a scary moment, neither hand was braced on the ropes or the tree as he reached out to cut the last section free and gently catch the plant. He flipped the knife closed and grabbed the rope again.

“He might be convinced,” Caleb muttered. His heart thudded in his chest, not entirely due to his precarious position in the canopy. Back when he had first met Essek, the Mighty Nein had encouraged him to flirt with the drow to get what they wanted. He wasn’t so sure it made a difference back then, but he was certain it would be effective now. Would it be so different this time? _Of course it would_ , a small voice whispered back.

He slipped the orchid into a plastic baggie and carefully tucked it into a pouch.

“We are done here, ja?”

Beau merely grunted in response and they descended in silence.

That night, while the Mighty Nein strung up their hammocks between the trees and above the water, they discussed their plans for the Assembly. Ever since Caleb had left Essek’s apartment, he and Beau had been insistent about finally doing something to dismantle the Assembly’s ridiculous regulations, and hopefully put in place something more effective. They’d invited Ludinus Da’leth to Marion’s fundraiser in hopes of gleaning some information from him — Beau was certain he was hiding illegal dealings — but had gotten nowhere. Da’leth was tight lipped.

And Caleb had tried to focus solely on the mission of worming a lead out of Da’leth, but his mind had been playing a clip of Da’leth touching Essek’s arm over and over and over until he felt sick to his stomach and had excused himself to get some fresh air.

He could spend hours wondering what that meant — if anything — but he insistently pushed it from his mind whenever the image invaded his thoughts.

It was quiet as he lay in his hammock but for the pitter patter of rain hitting the tarp stretched above him. He could barely make out Caduceus’ snores to his left as he stared at the insects crawling along the mesh covering. He’d been trying to sleep for over an hour now.

_Pat pat pat_

The sound of rain was distracting.

When he closed his eyes it took him back to a different quiet night, sheltered under an umbrella, with his feet firmly on the ground. The memory of bergamot and jasmine wafted over him and filled his senses exactly as it had when he’d leaned down and kissed Essek. Nervous, warm lips had tentatively parted under his. A hand had wound its way to the back of his neck and tangled in his hair.

He blinked his eyes open with a sigh. 

_Pat pat pat_

***

It was two more days spent paddling their kayaks around the tree roots and keeping wary eyes out for alligators before they got out of the swamp. They managed to finally dry off in the nearby town and carefully packed their collections in between sheets of newspaper and wooden boards, which then went in suitcases, tucked under clothes.

It was two more plane rides before they landed in Rosohna, tired and tense, not quite sure what they were doing. They had debated at length how to use Essek to get more information on the Assembly and now every one of them had the confrontation at the fundraiser playing in their heads, wondering how it would go this time. Caleb still hadn’t told any of them about the kiss and was quietly debating how far to take his manipulation, when a security officer approached them.

They were coming through Rosohna’s customs and he asked them all to step aside into a separate room. Caduceus’ nose twitched and Caleb followed his gaze to find three police dogs staring them down. And next to them were armed officers.

They were shuffled into a bare room and their suitcases were dragged onto the table and zipped open. Caleb could barely hear the complaints from his friends as blood rushed through his ears and he watched his clothes shoved aside to reveal a thick stack of wooden boards.

Scissors cut the twine tied around it and the top was removed to reveal a very small, very innocuous looking plant. The guards shouted to each other as his friends tried, and failed, to feign innocence. Then the door opened and Caleb felt the temperature of the room drop as a familiar pale, jaundiced figure walked into the room.

Trent Ikithon approached the wild-collected sample, inspected it, and nodded to the police officers. He looked at the Mighty Nein for the first time since entering, locked eyes with Caleb, and said softly, “Hello, Bren.”

Caleb barely registered the handcuffs locking onto his wrists.

***

> _Subject: Anticipating your remarks_
> 
> _Ludinus Da’leth <ludinusdaleth@thecerberusassembly.org> _
> 
> _Thelyss,_
> 
> _It was a pleasure meeting your friends in Nicodranas. They’re quite an interesting bunch. I wish them an agreeable stay in Rosohna._
> 
> _Warm Regards,_
> 
> _Ludinus Da’leth_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I've been waiting to arrest the Mighty Nein for several chapters now! It was supposed to happen earlier before I came up with the whole fundraiser beat lol
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	12. The Ghost Orchid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Essek gets a phone call and tries his best; Caleb makes a discovery and ponders trust; while we play fast and loose with the justice system and take a break from the regularly scheduled drama and pining to hang out with a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just gotta post the chapter, yeah?
> 
> (also: I know, I know canon insists that Frumpkin is a bengal, but consider: He is not.)
> 
> The only thing that got me to finish this chapter was... 'The Only Thing' by Sufjan Stevens lmao  
> Also recently been enjoying 'Bloom' by The Paper Kites (and its title is so perfect for this fic!)
> 
> And thanks so much to @TheKnittingJedi for beta reading this chapter!!! <3
> 
> RECAP (since it's been a couple weeks):
> 
> Essek had an uncomfortable and accidental meeting with the Mighty Nein at the Lavish Chateau orchid conservation fundraiser when Jester invited him and didn't tell anyone else. He got pastries with Jester the next morning, but is on uneasy terms with the rest of them.
> 
> Caleb, meanwhile, went to a swamp with the M9 and got a Dendrophylax lindenii specimen, which, as it happens is more commonly known by the name of "ghost orchid." If you'll recall, way back when the M9 and Essek made a deal for him to help Yeza, he'd mentioned this plant as one he was interested in. But after leaving the swamp, Caleb and the M9 were arrested and faced with Trent Ikithon.

_“The ghost orchid … not much is known about them, which makes them all the more enticing.”_

Finally giving up on sleeping, Caleb swung his legs out over the hammock, balancing the rocking movement as he peeked out from under the tarp keeping him relatively dry. Frumpkin _mrowed_ indignantly from his curled up position, but Caleb quieted him with a scritch behind the ears.

The swamp was beautiful at night and as the rain finally let up, it truly came alive. A pair of raccoons watched him from one of the trees before they scampered away. The sound of insects buzzing and chirping grew louder until it was a surround sound hum, though it soon faded into the back of his perception.

But his eye was drawn to the tree nearest him. A web of roots splayed across the bark, a mess of tangles that produced several plain sticks that jutted out from the trunk. In the dark, he could barely make out the stems, each ending in a spectral white bloom, splayed out like a spindly insect. They seemed to float in the darkness.

This ghost orchid must have been alive for decades, judging by how many flowers it produced. Earlier in the day, Caleb had passed on it, not wanting to disturb something so old and thoroughly ingrained in the ecosystem, and found a younger plant to collect instead. Now, he watched it with curiosity.

The famed scientist Halas Lutagran had posited that there must be in existence a moth with a proboscis of equal length to the extraordinarily long nectar stem of the ghost orchid. The two species would have coevolved with each other, he wrote, so that only that particular type of moth could get to the delectable nectar within the orchid. In the process, it would collect the flower’s pollen on its body and then spread it to the next bloom. Yet no one had ever seen a ghost orchid pollinated, so there was no confirmation of his theory.

Until now.

***

Essek paced the length of his office, skirting around the patch of sunlight coming through the windows. It had been weeks since he’d last seen Jester, since he’d last seen the Mighty Nein, and since he’d left them in the company of one Ludinus Da’leth. He felt sick as he read Da’leth’s email for what must have been the hundredth time.

In the past weeks since the fundraiser, his work had been steady and unrelenting. Not that he wanted it any other way. The journal _Botanical Taxonomy_ had emailed him back with fair critique, he was set to present a paper he’d published several months ago in an oral session at the Wildemount Conference on Botanical Conservation, and he was in the early stages of planning the annual Key Gardens Orchid Festival.

He had traded his quiet, peaceful nights spent drinking tea and gazing out at Rosohna’s sparkling nights for obsessively building up his cache of useful information concerning Ludinus Da’leth and the Cerberus Assembly. He foresaw only more problems arising between them and was looking for any angle he could use before they stuck their claws in his career once more. So he ingratiated himself with the less than savory smugglers working under them, lining their pockets with bribes for documents and video recordings and photos — anything physical he could get his hands on.

What he hadn’t realized, and he’d been a _fool_ not to, was that the Assembly’s next strike would not be aimed at his own career, but at the seven people who’d softened him in the first place.

Since getting Da’leth’s email, he had been compulsively checking the news and his phone, expecting _something_ , though he wasn’t sure what.

That something came in the form of a buzzing call. He nearly tripped over his feet as he answered it.

“Jester?” A note of urgency rang in his voice.

“Oh Essek I’m so glad you picked up.” She sounded far more tired than she had when they’d met up for pastries, but he was relieved to hear her voice all the same. “Things are noooot so good right now. We’re in jail. In some police station in Rosohna. And I didn’t wanna call Mama and worry her so I called you and I really really hope you can help us?”

 _Jail_. _They were in jail. This was entirely his fault._

It felt as though the ground fell out from under him and he was _falling falling falling_...

He fought through the vertigo and the cloudy, fuzzy feeling filling his head to try and calm himself. He had to solve this problem, to protect them, _and definitely not spiral into a yawning chasm of guilt._

“Yes, I’ll do what I can. You’re in Rosohna…?”

Why were they even _in_ Rosohna? Light, he’d told Caleb to _stay away_.

“Well, it’d be real cool if you could bail us out of here, y’know?” Jester sounded cautiously hopeful and it hurt knowing that she was turning to _him_ , the root of the problem, to solve it. “Beau said we probably have to _wait_ for an arraignment to find out how much that’s going to be. But then she also said she’s only ever been arrested in the _Empire_ so fuck if she knows how things work here. Please tell me _you_ know how things work here, Essek?”

_His fault. His fault. His fault._

“Somewhat.” Essek pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. “Do you have a lawyer?”

“Nope.”

Okay. He could help with that.

“That would be the first step.” He was still pacing the room, mind racing as he tried to come up with an angle to help them. “Now, tell me what happened.”

“Okay, so we landed in Rosohna and we were going through customs like we always do and then these cops pulled us into this really little room and they were super rude about it, by the way! Also they had _dogs_ and _guns_ which seems really overkill if you ask me.”

Essek knew the Assembly to be nothing but overkill.

“But the dogs were cute! So then we’re in this room and they start opening our suitcases and then _Trent Icky Thong_ walks in and tells the cops that what they found was _illegal_ , so they arrested us and now we’re here in the station and I only have a few more minutes to talk on the phone.”

Essek swallowed down bile as he imagined Ikithon and Caleb in the same room.

_His fault. His fault. His fault._

“Ikithon was there?” he choked out, the blood draining from his face.

“Yeah and he’s really, _really_ creepy.” Her voice was colored with a shared disgust.

“So they found…” He squeezed his eyes shut against the mental image of Caleb’s pained eyes while recounting his college years. _Focus, there must be something here to use to your advantage._ “Did they find contraband in all of your suitcases?”

“Welllll, it was only in three.”

“Alright. That’s good.” He could use that. He could help them. He could get them out of this. “I’ll get you a lawyer and be there within the hour. Are you in the Firmaments?”

“I thiiiink so? But Essek, you should know… some of the others aren’t going to be happy to see you,” she said it cautiously, which was unnerving in and of itself.

“I would imagine so, considering how our last meeting went.”

“No, I mean, they think _you_ did this.”

“Ah.”

That made sense. He expected that. If he were in their position, he would absolutely think that the person who had informed on his previous colleagues was responsible for it this time as well.

And essentially, they were right. He was responsible for this. _It was_ _his_ _fault_. He may not have written their names down in an email, but he certainly gave them up when he brazenly declared to Ludinus Da’leth that he had friends (or worse, a weakness).

They might have some of the details wrong, but the full picture was fundamentally the same.

“But you’re gonna come here and rescue us and totally prove them wrong and it’s gonna be fine, right?” That hope was back in Jester’s voice.

He licked his dry lips.

“Of course.”

“Okay, that is a BIG relief! Whew. See you soon!” He winced as she sounded lighter already. It was hard to tell if she truly thought he was blameless or if she was simply being kind. Either way, with a thick, sludgy feeling in his stomach, he told himself he wouldn’t let her down.

After ending the call, Essek finally stopped wearing down his wooden floor. For a moment, he stood still as his mind assembled a list of all the next steps and actions he needed to take. And within a few minutes, he was calling one of the Thelyss family lawyers, arranging to meet her at the precinct. He assessed how much money he had at his disposal, hoped it would be enough, and was out the door.

***

As Caleb watched the shining petals dance in the moonlight, a large moth flitted into view. It hovered in front of one of the flowers, probing it for nectar. He was sure his heart stopped and he held very, very still, memorizing every detail.

***

Essek scanned the police station. From this entryway, he had no visual on any of the Mighty Nein. Presumably, they were further inside. So he approached the receptionist, putting on the special air of importance that every Thelyss was taught from a young age, and told them, “I am here to speak with whomever arrested a Miss Jester Lavorre earlier today.”

“Are you her lawyer?” The receptionist didn’t look up from typing on their keyboard.

“No. She is on her way. I am Essek Thelyss and I have reason to believe you are holding some of my friends illegally.” He gestured past them to the doors leading further inside. While he was sure that the lawyer would do her best to get the Mighty Nein out of this situation, there were some things that simply invoking his last name could do better.

And just as he had counted on, the receptionist’s ears twitched at the mention of his name.

“One moment.” They picked up the phone and punched in a few numbers. “There’s an Essek Thelyss here to see you. About that group brought in this afternoon. Yes. Okay.” They hung up and gestured to the waiting area. “The captain will come meet you shortly.”

“Good,” Essek said coolly and stepped over near the chairs.

It was two minutes or so before a grizzled bugbear came out to greet him. He introduced himself as Captain Duzzinn and invited Essek to follow him through the doors and to his office. If Essek hesitated a moment before following, pulse quickening to a rapid thrum under his skin, he told himself it was simply an expected nervousness over the execution of his plan (and not at all about what the Mighty Nein would do, or say, when they saw him).

Duzzinn led him through a large open room full of desks, cross chatter, and ringing phones. On the far left side, there were three holding cells, two of them containing the familiar sight of the colorful Mighty Nein. Caleb was sitting on a bench, leaned over, head in his hands. Veth was next to him, fiddling with the buttons on her necklace. Yasha leaned against the wall beside them, studying the room. In the second cell, Caduceus was seated cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed in meditation. Beau stood near the bars, arms crossed as she muttered to an exasperated Fjord next to her. Jester sat on the bench, chin rested on her palm, tail swishing nervously across the floor. Her eyes lit up as she noticed Essek. She said something he couldn’t hear and then seven pairs of eyes turned on him at once. It was eerily familiar to the night of the fundraiser, though at least a few of them looked happy to see him this time.

Essek’s eyes locked with Caleb’s, who wore an unreadable expression. Frustration flared briefly in the pit of his stomach as he wanted to demand why Caleb couldn’t have just _stayed away_ from the Assembly, but it warred with the desire to press a hand to Caleb’s cheek and tell him he was _so sorry_ and that everything would be okay, he would make sure of it.

But Essek didn’t let any cracks show in his aloof demeanor and quickly diverted his eyes back to Duzzinn. It was not the time to be distracted.

They entered the office on the far side of the room and Essek scanned it quickly. A simple metal dodecahedron adorned the wall behind the messy desk, which sported a miniature Kryn Dynasty flag.

“You know of my mother, yes?” Essek smiled, sharp and biting, getting right to the task at hand. “Umavi Deirta Thelyss. She is very close with the Queen. Even closer to the Luxon.”

Duzzinn’s face darkened. “I’m sorry, Mr. Thelyss, but I don’t know what seems to be the problem here. Your friends,” and he gestured toward the jail cells, “were found smuggling illegal contraband over the country’s borders. The judge is deciding what to do with them.”

Essek cleared his throat. “It’s _Dr._ Thelyss.”

“Dr. Thelyss,” Duzzinn corrected.

“And, as I understand it, the contraband was only found in three of the seven suitcases, yes? So how is it that you arrested all seven of them, when mathematically speaking, it was impossible for every one of them to be in possession of the illegal items?”

Duzzinn opened his mouth to respond, but Essek quickly cut him off.

“Four of them were doing nothing wrong, and I think both the Queen and the Luxon would agree with me on that.” Essek tilted his head slightly, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“Well, we don’t know whose suitcase is whose…” Duzzinn said, uncertainty already showing.

“Then it is a good thing you are surrounded by a room full of detectives,” Essek pointed out simply, trying not to think about which of the Mighty Nein would be stuck facing charges and which might walk free.

It took some thirty minutes of paper shuffling, questioning the arresting officers, and digging through the evidence, but finally they figured out who they’d _actually_ found the illegal plants on. Essek spent the time waiting in Duzzinn’s office, checking in with the lawyer and casting the occasional glance toward the cells. Caleb and Beau were watching him, though with vastly different expressions. Beau was openly untrusting, glaring at him like he had the capacity to magically teleport them out of there and was holding back. Caleb’s brows were knitted together in a quiet, unsurprised hurt as he rubbed his forearms.

Essek inclined his head toward them, but his eyes never left Caleb’s.

 _I didn’t do it,_ he tried to communicate. It wasn’t entirely true, but Essek was still as selfish as ever and he desperately wanted Caleb to know that he didn’t intend for this to happen. He wanted to brush the hair back from Caleb’s face and whisper in his ear that he’d renounce the Assembly for good. He wanted to slip his hand into Caleb’s and tell him that his loyalties belonged to no one else but him.

Caleb’s gaze dropped back down to his hands, clutched tightly together.

Essek swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away to inspect the captain’s office.

Not but a few minutes later, Essek was standing in front of the holding cells, as Duzzinn unlocked them, barking, “You’re all free to go, except you, you, and you.” He pointed a finger at Caleb, Fjord, and Jester. Essek’s heart sank.

“Jester—”

“It’s fine, Essek.” Her voice was slightly higher pitched than normal and he was pretty sure it was _not_ fine. He edged slightly away from the group to talk to her with a modicum of privacy.

“Your lawyer is five minutes away. I will be waiting nearby to hear what happens at your arraignment, which I’m told will be held a few hours from now. And whatever the bail price, I will pay it. For all of you.” Briefly, his eyes flicked to Caleb, then back to Jester.

“Thank you.” She smiled at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh.

She shook her head and then the captain was ushering the others away. But before Essek could follow them, Duzzinn pushed a cardboard box in his direction.

“This was with them. I think you’d better take it.”

Curious, Essek peered into the box and found two green eyes staring up at him. They were attached to a fluffy, orange cat: Frumpkin, wearing his “Service Pet” vest.

Essek cleared his throat. “I believe this cat should be with whom he belongs.” He indicated the vest.

“Can’t have it here,” Duzzinn said. “Haldir is allergic.” He gestured to a drow across the room. “… Doctor,” he added, tacking on Essek’s title as an afterthought.

“Ah…” Essek wondered what Caleb might think of him taking care of Frumpkin, but didn’t dare look at the holding cells (he didn’t want to see the inevitable displeasure). With a sigh, he reached into the box and pulled out the cat. Frumpkin, who meowed indignantly, was unbelievably soft and yet seemed to have no real _shape_ to him. He was more liquid than solid. Essek held the cat gently but firmly, tucking him against his chest.

“Alright,” he said and cleared his throat again. He was leaving the precinct much less dignified than he’d entered (there was sure to be orange fur all over his clothes), but this was far from the worst that could have happened.

Outside, Essek found Beau, Veth, Caduceus, and Yasha waiting for him, though they quieted as soon as he walked up. Essek clutched Frumpkin self-consciously, waiting for one of them to speak up first, but no one said anything until they were down the block from the station’s door.

Caduceus broke the silence: “I did not like that at all.”

And then Beau and Veth were quick to turn on Essek—

“You have the _audacity_ to call the cops on us and then come down to the station and act like a knight in shining fucking armor?” Beau’s furious gaze bore into his own. He couldn’t deny that it was his fault _because it was_.

“You didn’t even get Jester out,” Veth said, accusing him with narrowed eyes. “ _Jester_.”

While Essek tried to remain unflustered in the face of their anger, his body went into full fight or flight mode. Strangely, Frumpkin began vibrating against him, which a small corner of his brain told him must be _purring_.

“What, do you get off on hurting people that trusted you, or something?” Beau clearly wasn’t done. Essek waited for her to finish, biting his tongue, letting her words pelt into him like tiny shards of ice in a storm. “Is this about Caleb? If you can’t be with him, then fuck him?”

“That is not—” Essek didn’t know where she’d gotten that idea. Pain turned to confusion and then back to hurt as he wondered what Caleb had told her about them. He knotted his fingers in Frumpkin’s fur.

“Caleb is a far better man than you will ever be,” Veth hissed.

“I agree.” He could not dispute that fact. He’d known that ever since they’d walked together in the rain, talking about Caleb’s ambitions to change the system. Caleb wanted to put in the hard work so it worked better for everyone; Essek just wanted to manipulate it for his own use.

Veth glared at him, as if she hadn’t expected him to agree with her.

People passing them were staring at the strange scene. Beau, Veth, and Yasha had practically cornered him against a wall. He shifted uncomfortably, but was stubborn enough to hold his composure, intent on taking their verbal assault. Caduceus held back and watched him.

“You didn’t do it, did you?” Caduceus said evenly, breaking through the heated exchange. Essek felt horribly bare under his kind gaze.

“What do you mean? Of course it was him!” Veth didn’t take her eyes off Essek.

“No,” Caduceus smiled, slow and languid. “It wasn’t.”

“Are you sure?” Yasha asked. She stepped closer to Essek and he was forced to look up at her, but he stood his ground.

“I’m sure.” Caduceus’ ears flopped as he nodded. Essek couldn’t fathom how the firbolg could say such a thing. Had he really become so easy to read? Then he remembered he was clutching a cat to his chest and any notion of him retaining his usual cool demeanor completely disappeared. But unfortunately (and deservingly) what Caduceus could read on him, the others couldn’t.

Veth crossed her arms, disbelieving. “What? You don’t have anything to say for yourself?”

Essek let out a shaky breath. “I did not tell anyone to arrest you all. That does not mean it’s not my fault.” It would do no good to push the blame elsewhere.

“What does _that_ mean?” By the look of it, Beau was trying to tear him apart with her eyes and dig out whatever sliver of truth lay within him.

“It means Ludinus Da’leth used you to get to me.” He scanned their faces, finding a predictably mixed set of reactions. “I am sorry.” But he knew that wasn’t worth much.

***

It had been an hour since the moth had come and gone, but Caleb was still watching the flowers. Caduceus might say he was in a form of meditation, drinking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the swamp around him. Caleb would say he was in a moment of rapt observation, hoping for a second data point to appear in the warm night air.

***

“So, how long are we facing?” Fjord asked. He, Jester, and Caleb were waiting in a single cell now.

“Ah, I don’t know, a year or more?” Caleb was only half paying attention to Fjord and Jester. He rubbed his thumb over his forearm, digging in until it produced a slight pain that ran down his arm.

“A year?! _Fuck_.” Jester’s tail swished anxiously across the floor. The sound of it was grating on Caleb’s nerves, but he didn’t say anything.

The day had passed by in a hazy blur. It felt like mere seconds ago he was staring down uncomfortably sharp gray-blue eyes, cold metal nipping at his wrists, the words _my, this is a rare specimen_ shivering down his spine like an unwelcome caress. He’d watched as old, pale hands had closed around the ghost orchid, claiming it as their own. The ghost orchid that he’d gone to such lengths, or rather heights, to acquire for— as a symbol of— as a tool for manipulation, a nicety to bridge some gaps if not others, a piece of a deal that had gone sour but could still serve some purpose, an asset that might have been especially persuasive.

Whatever Caleb thought it might do, it couldn’t anymore.

His friends had protested, loudly, brashly, charmingly, and logically but they had been ushered into the backs of cars and driven through the city, darkened windows keeping the afternoon sun from touching their skin.

He’d rolled his fingers in pitch black ink, posed for a photo he was only vaguely present for, and shuffled into a cramped, bare cell.

They’d all been offered the opportunity to call someone, to tell a loved one where they were, but he had no one to tell. Everyone he loved was right here with him, locked up and scared and defiant.

They mostly held it together — they’d gotten through so much with each other and this wasn’t over yet.

And then Caleb had looked up and a cold, calculating drow was there, walking through the room, head held high. And the question of _how did this happen_ opened in his mind, causing memories of his friends’ conversations to flood into his head as if they were from years ago, not minutes or hours. Beau was _certain_ it was him, the drow now talking to the captain. Caleb couldn’t deny that possibility, but some part of him wondered if Trent had been watching him all along, waiting for the moment it would hurt the most. Or, it was Ludinus Da’leth — he replayed their conversation in his head, analyzing it for the moment he’d made a mistake.

He’d made a mistake with one of the three — or all of them — and now his friends were at risk.

Veth’s family was already struggling to recover financially; they might lose their house. Jester’s mom would be devastated. Beau would lose her position at the Soul and any clout she currently held in the judging circles.

_How did this happen?_

And so he had stared at his — _friend?_ — through the glass and willed him to be something that he was not.

Essek had turned and looked right back, eyes scanning the others before anchoring to Caleb.

He was trying to say _something_ but Caleb couldn’t trust himself to read it. He couldn’t trust himself to not fall for it. The lie, the half-truth, the sincerity, whatever it was. So he dropped his gaze and dug his fingers into his arm and focused on the pain burying into his skin.

The drow had come over and shared hushed words with Jester. Half of his friends had been let go, to his surprise and relief, and then it was just the three of them, anxious and uncertain. And he ached to feel the comfort of Frumpkin’s fur.

***

It was two hours and forty-seven minutes later when a second moth flew into view. Almost anyone would have thought this one was the same species as the first, they were similar in size and shape, but Caleb noticed its thicker abdomen and lack of dark splotches along its forewings. But like the first, it stuck its proboscis deep into one of the flowers and left with bright yellow pollen on its face.

Caleb sat there stunned, with no one to tell of this miraculous event. He let out a sharp exhale, rubbed his eyes, and forced himself to stay awake longer.

***

Essek rented out their usual house, told Yasha, Caduceus, Beau, and Veth that they could go there and rest, if they so chose, and was unsurprised when they insisted on waiting with him for the others. The mood between the five of them had mellowed out somewhat, though there was still a strong undercurrent of tension. Beau watched him with blatant suspicion, but was more sarcastic than aggressive. Veth was unafraid of telling him exactly how she felt and he took it all in without any complaint (he deserved whatever comments she, especially, made). Yasha kept her eye on him like a wolf sizing up a potential rival, but didn’t accuse him of anything. Caduceus, meanwhile, kept the tension at a simmer rather than a boil with his suggestion that they all go sit for tea nearby while they wait.

Essek tried not to think that maybe this wasn’t going so badly after all, tried not to hope that at least Caleb would believe Caduceus, and instead kept his mind busy with the cat currently on his lap. They were seated outside at a local cafe and Essek was unwilling to let Frumpkin out of his sight for even a moment. The purring — it periodically came and went — was actually quite soothing. He scritched Frumpkin’s cheek and couldn’t help but smile as the cat leaned into the attention.

But a little bit of guilt pooled in his stomach. Caleb must be missing his cat, especially now when he needed him the most. And, worst of all, it was Essek who had taken Frumpkin. Essek, who Caleb couldn’t even look at for more than a second. However, despite his inquiries, the others had all seemed content with him keeping Frumpkin until Caleb was released.

Essek had never had a pet. They weren’t common in the Dynasty’s high society and his mother certainly felt nothing but disdain for them. So he didn’t know what to do with one. He was simply making it up as he went along, drawing on the vague memories from his dinner with the Nein.

He also hadn’t ever stopped to inspect a cat before and was surprised to find Frumpkin held some sort of power over him, drawing his attention and keeping it as he lay across Essek’s legs. Essek let his curiosity drive him to touch one of Frumpkin’s feet. The little pink pads on his toes were so… _cute_. Unfortunately, he did not expect the sudden sensation of claws digging into his hand. “Ah!” He hissed in pain as he extricated his hand from Frumpkin’s grasp.

The others snickered and he hid his scratched hand under the table in embarrassment. Frumpkin quickly went back to his previously pleasant demeanor.

“I did not realize cats were so… sharp,” he murmured. The rest of Frumpkin was entirely soft.

It was not long after the scratching incident that he began to wonder if Frumpkin needed to eat soon. He asked the group, but they just shrugged. Caduceus said it wasn’t a bad idea. Essek glanced over the cafe’s menu and ordered a dish that had meat in it. When it arrived, he gingerly picked out the meat and offered it to the cat, who took it from his hand and leapt to the ground, chewing it wholeheartedly. Essek grabbed Frumpkin’s leash in a heartbeat, anxious to not let him run away.

Once he was done, Frumpkin jumped back onto Essek’s lap and purred enthusiastically. Essek, inexplicably, felt proud of himself.

An incoming call from Jester immediately squashed that feeling. She told him of the hefty payment required for their bail, and he silently thanked — not the Luxon, but his den — for not facing the double of that sum. With a few words to the others at the table, and a last minute purchase of pastries, they were soon back at the police station.

After paying for their release, Essek was left standing outside with all seven Mighty Nein, free to walk the streets of Rosohna (for now).

He was good at problem solving. He excelled at it.

It was when the current problem was solved and he was faced with a redheaded human who wouldn’t even look at him that it started to feel like too much.

He gripped Frumpkin in his arms and approached Caleb.

“Ah, I assume you want this back,” he said, extending his hands full of cat out in front of him. Frumpkin hung in the air between them, his bottom half swaying slightly. Caleb stopped rubbing his arm to look at his cat. Slowly, he reached out and took Frumpkin into his own hands. Essek did not think about their fingers brushing. He knew there was no point.

“Thank you,” Caleb muttered. And for a moment— they locked eyes. Caleb was as guarded as he’d ever been and Essek told himself that was _fine_.

Their awkward silence was soon interrupted by Jester nearly flinging herself at Essek. She stopped mere inches away, arms outstretched, and tentatively asked, “Can I hug you?”

“S-sure...” he said, not sure at all.

She wrapped her arms around him like she hadn’t completely stalled her momentum — the full force of her approach was somehow still conveyed in the hug. And he was nearly knocked over, but remained stiff and uncomfortable. She didn’t smell great, but he couldn’t blame her. He watched Caleb over her shoulder, who buried his face in Frumpkin’s fur and looked away.

On the way to the house, the Mighty Nein discussed amongst themselves what had happened in the brief hours they were separated. Essek stayed quiet and listened intently, trying to glean what their opinion of him was and what they intended to do now.

It was hard to identify any plan from their chaotic conversation, but he took it all in so he could form his own. There was some time before their court date to figure out what angle to leverage.

Essek unlocked the door and let them all walk in ahead of him. He was hoping Caleb would go in last, so he could pull him aside to— to apologize? To make him understand he didn’t willingly throw them to the wolves? He knew he shouldn’t prioritize what Caleb thought over the others, but he couldn’t help himself.

It didn’t matter what Essek thought he might say, because Caleb snuck into the middle of the group. Essek was left to follow a few steps behind them, hovering uncertainly on the outside.

***

It was only a few hours from dawn when he saw the ghost orchid’s last visitor. Caleb strained to study the moth’s features in the dark: it had a lighter coloration than the previous two, but left having satisfied both itself and the plant. By the time morning came, he was exhausted, which he blamed entirely for the constant thought of _I have to tell Essek_.

***

The Mighty Nein had only been in the house for a few minutes before they were already making themselves at home. The half of the group that had spent most of the day blessedly not in jail presented the other half — mostly Jester — with a box of specialty Rosohna pastries. Jester squealed in delight and stuffed one in her mouth, thanking them with crumbs spilling out. Beau told her, begrudgingly, that it was Essek’s idea actually, and Jester’s eyes lit up as she showered Essek with praise. He blushed and deflected her comments, saying it was no trouble.

Caleb watched it all with his fingers buried in Frumpkin’s fur, sitting across the room.

It wasn’t long before they assembled with the mind of _we’re still not done talking about this_ and forced Essek to stay. Though it was hard to tell if the drow had actually intended to leave or not, under the scrupulous gaze of Beau, he was certainly not going anywhere until some satisfactory _thing_ was concluded.

“As you all know by now, I have certain agreements with Ludinus Da’leth.” Essek seemed nervous, like he couldn’t figure out where to put his hands. “However, since I stopped, uh, holding up my end of the bargain, things have grown... tense between us. I believed I had it handled, but,” and he gestured out to all of them. “Apparently, I did not.”

There were thin red lines breaking the smooth grayish-purple skin of Essek’s hand. They looked like cat scratches and, despite the uneasy mood he was in, Caleb couldn’t help but feel a slight spark of amusement at that.

While they talked in circles about the plan moving forward, Essek wore a practiced neutral expression; he was either unable or unwilling to let go of the mask. It was a far cry from the fervent, flushed Essek at the fundraiser. Though now that they were in the privacy of the house, Caleb wondered how he might push Essek to drop the careful distance in favor of the raw emotion. He wasn’t sure he wanted to, wasn’t sure where that would lead now that there was no threat of prying ears to keep him from speaking his mind, but he couldn’t help pondering it.

Of course, Caleb could understand Essek’s reservations, since there was precious little trust between them. He _wanted_ to trust Essek. Desperately so. But a not inconsequential part of him wondered if Essek had orchestrated their arrest to appease the Assembly, then bailed them out to try and save face with the Mighty Nein. It would have been a risky move, but Essek was a good enough liar to pull it off.

At one point in their discussion, and Caleb wasn’t sure if he was thankful for it or not, Fjord brought up his reunion with Trent Ikithon. Concerned, he asked Caleb, “How do you feel? What do you want to do?”

Gray-blue eyes burned their way into his memory, like a brand on his skin. 

He focused on Frumpkin’s purring and the weight of Veth’s hand on his arm.

“I did not expect to see him again in that way, but it was inevitable that our paths would cross along this...” Caleb trailed off as he remembered Essek was in the room. They had been skirting around the whole _we’re trying to oust the Assembly members from their positions of power_ issue. “I don’t know what his intentions were here, if they were purely based on- on what you said, Essek,” the name felt strange on his tongue, “or if there was something else.”

Essek regarded him carefully. “What other reason would they have for arresting you?”

Caleb didn’t want to answer that. He tried to come up with a response without lying, but his (and the rest of the Mighty Nein’s) hesitation was answer enough.

Essek sighed. “I can’t help you as effectively if I don’t know the full story. I know you may not want to tell me, but believe me when I say I have more allegiance to you,” his eyes connected with Caleb’s for only a moment, “than to them.” He paused, and everyone was silent. “I will leave and come back tomorrow if you want to discuss this in private.”

“No, Essek, don’t go!” Jester said, but with a glance to the others, she added, “Maybe just wait upstairs for like juuuust a few minutes and then we’ll come and get you?”

He hesitated, but relented, retreating upstairs.

The Mighty Nein launched into a debate over whether or not they should tell Essek about their goal to rid the Assembly of its worst members and reform its laws. Caduceus was serene in his certainty that Essek had no ill intentions toward them (Caleb wished he could feel the same). Beau was surprisingly in favor of telling Essek about it, though she insisted she still didn’t trust him. Veth cautiously agreed, saying they could use any help they could get at this point, but maintained that something had to be done about him once it was over. Caleb wasn’t sure what she wanted from him, and his skin crawled at the same time as he objected to letting Essek in on the details. Meanwhile, Jester declared that Essek wouldn’t do anything to hurt them and Fjord apparently agreed with her. Yasha mostly stayed quiet, but wondered what was the worst Essek could do.

Caleb eventually stopped objecting, though the unease didn’t leave him. He was overruled. And even if most of him was against it, a small part was relieved to know they wouldn’t be keeping secrets from Essek. He was tired of the constant second guessing.

He wanted to take Essek’s hand in his, kiss the thin bloody lines and ask him what he did to Frumpkin to deserve such a beating.

He wanted to tell Essek all about the amazing discovery he’d made in the swamp and watch his eyes light up in excitement.

He wanted things to be easy between them, but he didn’t deserve easy, did he?

Of course Jester encouraged him to go retrieve Essek. The others shrugged and nodded, and so Caleb found himself standing in the doorway of the house’s small balcony, unsure of what to do. It was cold outside and Essek was leaning against the railing, looking at the stars.

Caleb cleared his throat. “Uh, I hope I’m not interrupting…” he trailed off when Essek turned to face him. His hair, usually so perfectly coiffed, looked like it had been run through by his fingers several times. His eyes held a hard edge to them.

“Why are you here?” Essek asked. His tone was mostly even, though Caleb heard the strong undercurrent to the words, something that demanded an answer, hoping and fearing what it might get in response.

“The rest of the group wants to tell you.” Caleb gestured downstairs. He knew that wasn’t what Essek was asking, but he still had one foot out the door of this conversation, quite literally.

Essek raised a brow, unimpressed. “We agreed to keep our distance, yes? Why are you here?”

Here, as in Rosohna. Here, as in where Essek was. Their last meeting had been a mistake, this clearly wasn’t.

“We made a deal.” It was the easiest explanation, though not a complete one. Essek could find another piece of it downstairs and, if he prodded enough, the final answer lodged somewhere behind Caleb’s ribs.

Essek’s eyes dropped to the floor and as he shut them for a moment, Caleb watched his mask slip away.

“I did not expect—” Essek cut himself off. “You did not have to… come back here.”

It was moments like this that Caleb could feel the _weight_ of each choice he made. Whatever his decision now would send him down one path, closing off another. He could choose to leave now, and not give Essek a chance to say anything between just the two of them, or he could stay and stew in the roiling, festering mess of feelings, faced with the man he’d spent many sleepless nights thinking about.

His gaze caught on the thin red scratches adorning Essek’s right hand.

With a deep breath, Caleb closed the door behind him and joined Essek at the balcony’s edge. He left a good two or so feet between them, not sure he could trust himself any closer.

“It is surprising how much it hurts to know that I am doubly responsible for this predicament you’ve found yourself in.” Essek leaned back against the railing and looked up at Caleb, silver eyes shining in the starlight. He was beautiful, melancholy and all.

“It takes some getting used to, that feeling.” Caleb wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge, but a small part of him sighed with relief at the regret in Essek’s voice.

Essek’s lips pulled into a half-smile, as he let out a humorless chuckle. “There has been a lot of that since I met you.” He was searching for something in Caleb’s gaze, but his eyes darted away, nerves appearing to overtake him.

Caleb’s heart clenched, tight and suffocating. He didn’t know what to say, but something in him yearned to reach out and touch his arm, his cheek, his waist, _something_. He didn’t.

“Hopefully not all bad,” Caleb murmured. _What was he doing?_ His trust in Essek was slim to none and yet he found himself hoping Essek didn’t, what, regret his feelings? It was selfish of Caleb to want that when he had no intentions of… following through on his own.

Essek didn’t respond, but the pained confusion on his face was enough to make Caleb wish he could take back what he’d said.

“Tell me it wasn’t you,” he said suddenly.

Essek’s ears flattened instinctually, like he’d been struck by a forceful blow.

“Saying it again isn’t going to make you believe me,” Essek said with a sigh, watching the stars.

Caleb couldn’t help it, he took a step closer and placed his hand on Essek’s arm, who jumped slightly in surprise and then turned to face him.

“It might,” he said it low, burning his eyes into the wary silver opposite him.

Essek’s deep breath puffed out between them, a warm mist in the cool air.

“I have done many questionable things, Caleb, but I would never knowingly cause you harm.”

It was such a simple statement, it was hard not to believe him.

It would be so easy to close the distance between them, to drown himself in the sensations of kissing Essek— his subtle floral scent, the warmth of his body flush with Caleb’s, the soft scrape of his fangs against lips, neck, collarbone… It had been so long since Caleb had been that indulgent and the idea of it was intoxicating. Wouldn’t it be so easy to just let everything else melt into a vague, blurry background? If he could just take a few minutes to not think about anything but the feeling of Essek’s heartbeat hammering against his chest...

“We had a ghost orchid.” Caleb’s words surprised even himself.

“Oh?” It was more exhale than word, like Essek had been holding his breath.

“It was beautiful.” It didn’t escape him that Essek’s hair was the same color as the orchid’s petals, nor that that was a ridiculous comparison. “Ikithon took it.”

“That is a shame,” Essek said, lips drawn tight. He was edging away from Caleb, who realized a bit late how close they had actually been to each other.

“It would have been quite a useful specimen, I’m sure.” Caleb kept talking. He needed the buffer, to keep him from… acting on impulse. But even beyond that, he’d been itching to talk about this for days now. The memory of that night came back to him slowly: the humid swamp air, the low buzz of the insects, and the gently floating ghosts in the dark.

“When I was in the swamp, I saw something I did not believe was possible,” he nearly whispered.

Curiosity overtook Essek’s features. His ears twitched and the chains of his earrings mimicked the soft sway of the orchids.

“It was late at night, and my eyes aren’t the best in the dark, but I saw it: a sphinx moth, I’m not _exactly_ sure which species.” He couldn’t help the excitement overtaking his voice; he hadn’t yet told anyone about what he’d seen. “It was hovering in front of a ghost orchid flower, pollinia on its face, drinking nectar. It left and then a _different_ moth came and did the same for one of the other flowers. _Two_ huge moths. I waited, watching for hours, and I saw a third moth species.” There was a grin on his face when he looked at Essek, who was completely stunned.

“You saw multiple pollinators?” Essek’s mouth was hanging open and Caleb could see the tips of his fangs peeking out.

“ _Ja._ ” Caleb was delighted with Essek’s apparent loss of words. None of the others would have reacted this way had Caleb told them first. He could almost hear Beau’s response in his head: _So what? A bunch of moths want to get in on the ghost orchid action? Good for them?_

But Essek was muttering “multiple…” under his breath as he blinked, mystified at the stars above them. Caleb followed his eyesight and searched the bright pinpricks of light for whatever he was looking at.

“Caleb,” Essek said suddenly. “I will leave the final say to you, of course, but I have the means, and a plan, to dispossess Trent Ikithon of his position in the Assembly. Would you care to hear it now or with the rest of the group?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I tried something a bit different with this very long chapter... Let me know what you think! This whole thing has been an experiment lol
> 
> Aaand I took a few small liberties with the science here, while also apparently turning Halas into Darwin? :D In real life, it took many camera traps and many hours to get a pic of a fig sphinx moth pollinating a ghost orchid! Buuuut I'm sure y'all feel the same as Caleb's imaginary Beau about the details there so lemme just stop nervously rambling and actually post this
> 
> (P.S. I'm thinking... two more chapters?)


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